To wonder if my child is just a mini Lucifer or is this actually what it's like?

[WitteringWattering]

During the terrible twos.

Sort of light-hearted but also not.

I'm honestly starting to wonder if it's just my son or if it actually is this bad for everyone?

My son is two and I feel like he was placed on god's green earth to see how far I can be pushed.

Today for example he has SHOUTED, no, SCREECHED more like whenever he hasn't gotten his own way. I try so hard to ignore it but it's embarrassing when we are in public especially. If the screeching doesn't work he will launch objects at you instead. We do time out for that but a lot of the time he just finds it funny (very occasionally it will work and calm him down).

Another thing recently is wanting to take all his clothes off at home, nappy included. Everything must come off.

My house looks like an utter tip constantly and I don't get a single second of peace until he goes to bed, minus a short nap at lunch time).

I've heard about terrible twos and was expecting difficulty but honestly, I'd say I enjoy having a toddler about 5% of the time at the moment. He is so SO difficult. Days out start nice and cute and quickly deteriorate into tantrums and awkwardness and screaming / hitting / bribing with food/ me and DH tense and not talking. Is it just me? Is this what having a two year old is like? Why do people have more?!

Sounds about standard in my experience. Toddlers can be extremely difficult. Grit your teeth and it will get easier over time!

No help at all I adore two year olds! Their extreme emotions crack me up. I suspect you ALL need more icecream and cake in your lives.

My DS was not like this though not perfect. Wondering if he has sensory issues hence hating clothes and new experiences frighten him hence him having a meltdown.

I found the twos fine. The threes, well, that was a different story

Sorry OP, it sucks as toddlers can be assholes

My daughter was like this. Things have improved recently though.

I hate to tell you, but she’s nearly 8.

The problem here is how you’re dealing with it. Time out doesn’t work and it doesn’t teach anything. Big reactions don’t work. “No” doesn’t work.

All behaviour is communication - he isn’t being naughty.

Any attention on a behaviour will reinforce that behaviour, so if you’re reacting to him and giving him attention when he does something you don’t like, he will repeat that behaviour.

You need to redirect, distract and role model appropriate behaviour. Praise the good, ignore the bad. Set firm, consistent boundaries and stick to them.

Perhaps he gets overstimulated and overtired on days out. Perhaps limit it to morning or afternoon out?

My two year old isn't like this. She's sweet, funny, sociable, vaguely helpful, enjoys adventures.

But knowing that definitely doesn't help you, and no doubt she'll be a knobhead when she's 15 or something. No point worrying about other people's kids - I'm sure you're doing a good job, just keep on. He'll get over it.

My 2nd DC was horrible at that ages, biting and nipping, and looked like he really got pleasure from causing pain to others. I was genuinely worried that he might be a psycho. Now he's a normal pre-teen. It's a difficult phase OP.

“No” doesn’t work.

I disagree. A nice clear firm "NO." combined with physically removing them from whatever they are doing works eventually. But yes, toddlers can be hard work - I found "Toddlers are A**holes - it's not your fault" by Bunmi Laditan to be reassuring.

I was incredibly lucky with mine as they never went through any ‘terrible’ bits, nor had meltdowns. It was purely luck, as opposed to parenting skills.

It was spending time with my mates’ toddlers at that time that made me count my blessings as almost all of them were little bastards. My ‘terrible twos’ memories are all about other people’s kids 😂

It doesn’t work in the way that it doesn’t teach them anything, and it’s not an emotionally healthy way of dealing with the problem.

Our son was a nightmare and some particularly smug friends implied it was our parenting. He pushed us to the absolute extreme. He was relentless and like you I sometimes had to look for that silver lining to parenthood. At the end of each day I was gibbering mess.

"Have you tried..." started many well intentioned interventions, as their similar aged son sat colouring or combing a dolls hair. We had. We had tried everything.

Our daughter was a dream where the terrible twos were a comic relief and provided charming interludes to trips out - and these particular friends had a boy like our son who despite their excellent parents was an absolute beast in every single way.

It's not you, it is him. He is perfectly normal and it will pass. Stay strong

What SunnySaturdayMorning said.
Try the techniques of distraction, praising to reinforce positive behaviour and ignore the bad.
Pick your battles wisely- you don't always need to win. Use humour and distraction sometimes.
Remember toddlers can get very overstimulated easily and overtired too.
It is very hard work at times and wearing on your patience....take a deep breath and remember it is just a phase.

My DS (nearly 3) is finally getting over this nonsense, which sounds exactly like your DS except instead of removing clothes, he would smack our dog. It's been a rough year. We did the exact same as you with time out and clear boundaries. Unfortunately the only thing that has worked is time.

DS is lovely and hilarious 70% of the time now instead of the 5% before!

Ahahaha

I remember it well @WitteringWattering Head down
Suck it up
Get on with it
And drink too much wine and eat too much chocolate every evening after bedtime 😁

I don’t know. I don’t think it’s abnormal for children this age to misbehave, but it sounds like your son is on the more extreme end. If mine started tantrumming or acting naughty when we were out I’d often put them back in the pushchair and ignore. That way they are safe, can’t hurt themselves or anyone else, and aren’t getting the satisfaction of seeing you react to their tantrum. Do his tantrums ever work? I mean, does the screeching ever result in him getting what he wants? That is a mistake I’ve seen people make sometimes.

I’m in part glad mine was a toddler during lockdown as he found days out and play centres overwhelming and it’s meant I didn’t have to feel like I should do it with him. He loved pottering round at home, now he’s bigger he can manage with days out. Our idea of fun sometimes isn’t our child’s idea of fun.

It doesn’t work in the way that it doesn’t teach them anything, and it’s not an emotionally healthy way of dealing with the problem.

I disagree with this. It teaches them which behaviours are not allowed (eg smacking other children in the head with a toy truck).

praising to reinforce positive behaviour and ignore the bad.

And I disagree with the latter part of this. Because no, you do not allow an angry two year old to smack another child in the head with a toy car. Obviously.

Sounds about right to me, has no one told you about gin op, helps tremendously 😁

Why write it then?

This is what I struggle with. I can ignore things easier at home but there's no way I could just ignore him hitting someone in public. Id feel awful and like I looked like I didn't give a shit he'd done it if that makes sense?

To highlight that there's no point worrying about what other people's children are doing? That they'll all have their phases? That an easy toddler might be a hard pre-schooler, or arsehole teenager and you just have to run your own race.

I didn't think it was a particularly complex point, to be honest.

Stop with the time outs. They don’t work, they just tell that the child that they are on their own when they’re overwhelmed. The tantrum will escalate because they still haven’t been able to get the message across. All of this is your child struggling to communicate stuff to you. Try looking up ‘time-in’ instead of time out. I averted many a tantrum by having a time in. Instead of saying no, rephrase for a ‘yes we can do that after we’ve done this’ or ‘if you can’t be gentle then we’ll have to go back home from the park now’ etc etc. The word no should be saved for when you really need them to instantly take notice of you like if they’re about to run out into the road. They are more likely to listen to it if they haven’t already heard it 200 times that day.
Use natural consequences, if they do something bad then they don’t get to carry on doing the thing they want to do. If they make a mess, they tidy it.
There’s a brilliant book called ‘how to talk so little kids will listen’. It will change your life with a toddler.