Am I just being horribly ungrateful?

[MakingT]

So sort of light-hearted/first world problem but anyway...

Set up for making dinner at ours is I tend to make dinner all week (I work part time and look after our young DC at home two days a week) and my husband who works full time makes dinner at the weekends.

My annoyance is that he cannot seem to make it without using every SINGLE utensil in the kitchen and leaving it looking like a tornado has hit once he's finished.

Id honestly rather just make dinner myself!! I hate it. He acts like it's a massive achievement that he's cooked a meal and just leaves it like an absolute shit tip when we are done and goes and puts his feet up.

Yeah I have this issue too. I tend to clear the decks before I cook and wash up or load dishwasher as I go so its just plates in after tea. Not so DH. Does he clear up after you cook on weekdays? Could you instead each cook AND clean up on your days?

Don't clean up after him?

Does he clean up after you when you cook?

Urgh, I’d hate this. I think I’d say the rule going forward is cooking and cleaning up is a joint task.

it’s really difficult when you have different expectations and standards as far as cleanliness go, I know some people who just aren’t bothered about having a mucky kitchen until the next day or an unmade bed. It’s hard.

I'd say that from now on, whoever cooks that night ALSO washes up afterwards.

So you'll be doing it 5 days a week, and he does it 2 days a week.

He can't argue or complain that there's less to 'clean up' when you cook without exposing himself as a careless bastard who uses every utensil/pot/plate/surface simply because HE'S not the one cleaning up afterwards ! 😁

I'm guilty of this exact same thing! As soon as I'm in the kitchen trying to "create", I subsume the personality of a PoundShop Gordon Ramsey and must absolutely-use-every-mofo-utensil-in-the-room!

Maybe it's a male thing? You're probably not being unreasonable, I can appreciate it must be very annoying! However I do it myself, so meh! Can't preach!

P.S

It's also the perfect time of year to be having simple salads with a protein (oven cooked, in foil (so simply gets thrown in bin after cooking and oven tray needs a quick wipe only) etc weekdays too, because it's healthy and spring is the time to have them 😁

So, wipe down the chopping board, recycle peelings and wash up plates and silverware ? 10 mins, easy.

If he wants to cook a roast dinner or something heartier, great. Then he gets to wash up every bloody utensil etc too.

That would drive me insane. He clearly doesn't understand that you clean up as you go. I'd be telling him that if he doesn't get a grip, you won't be cleaning up. You don't have to destroy the bloody kitchen to make dinner.

@Levadia

It's not a male thing.

It's a dickhead thing.

Especially if you expect someone else to clean it up for you.

@Botw1 Fair comment. I've no come-back to that. I'm guilty!

I don’t think it’s a dickhead thing UNLESS you knowingly do it and then knowingly leave the mess. It’s a skill to learn to cook cleanly - pretty sure Gordon R would be the first to chew you out if you left the kitchen in a state!

Anyway, cook cleans up is the only way to go.

My dd was a bit like this. She gets recipes from the SortedFood app that actually factor in clearing down time. It's helped her a lot.

Who washes up when you cook?

My mother taught me to clean the kitchen before I started to cook and then make sure it was restored to that gleaming state once I was finished.

I was amazed by how different DH's approach was.

He is perfectly capable of taking a breather to sip a drink while observing the scene of chaos he has created. I always challenge myself to get all the clearing away (into dishwasher ) done before the meal is even served.

Now we either work together or the rule is cook and clear up.

There was however the terrible, terrible day very early in our relationship when then DP spent the whole day creating a stock reduction (small puddle in bottom of saucepan) only for me to walk into the kitchen, pick up the saucepan and squirt washing up liquid into it and wash it up before he could stop me.

Reader .... I married him.

He's watching too much Jamie Oliver. I'm the queen of the one pan dish perhaps buy him a cookery book for one pot meals.

as an idea I make "spanish" chicken . Fry off some chorizo and then add diced chicken until browned then add onions and garlic fry until the onion is transparent. I then add a tin of tomatoes and a carton of passata. Bring to the boil and then add haricot beans. Serve with crusty bread.

my grandson loves this and whilst she was alive and suffering from dementia it was one meal she'd eat.

This is my question too

I'm female and I always do this,but as i live alone,it's me who has to deal with it🙈

My DP destroys the kitchen every morning when he makes his sandwiches for lunch.

My DP is the same.

He has now after a lot of training learnt to do any remaining washing up and put it away before starting to cook but he just seems incapable of cleaning up the cooking things as he goes. He says it’s because he gets too stressed it’s too much to do at once.

I DO end up cleaning up most of the time but only because I like it done immediately and DP is the slowest eater in the world. He would probably do it if I left it an hour or to.

I favour the you cook & clean up, then I'll cook & clean up. I had a former boyfriend who used to cook a roast once a fortnight. It was nicer than my Weds eve shepherd's pie or pasta bake (didn't we know it) but god, didn't he make a meal out of it. I could in the week 4 nights and did washing up clearing away....he'd be grumbling Sunday evening about all the work he'd done. Occasionally he'd leave a tin 'in soak' till Monday morning. I point blank refused to wash it.

To be fair to him it doesn't sound like he very experienced in the kitchen so when I think back to my unskilled kitchen days , my Husband ate some shit meals and I probably left the kitchen like a bombsite too . I was just pleased with myself that he ate it without choking 😆.

My DH has been partly trained to load the dishwasher and run it each evening before he comes to bed. I unload it in the morning, ready for the day ahead.

I am still working on the really hard bit of training him to LOOK BEHIND HIM. The amount of times I go into the kitchen in the morning and spot things dotted around the kitchen that didn't get put in the dishwasher. He just says he never noticed them. Drives me mad. I just pop them in once I have emptied the clean stuff, so it's not really a big issue, but annoying nonetheless.

Exactly, I'm of the clean as you go and wash pans /trays whilst hot. It's just the plates cutlery to do after eating. Better than a bomb site kitchen.

I recognise this situation- also add a lot of huffing and puffing and inability to watch 2 things at once. I prefer to cook than watch this chaos, but he does end up cooking nice food from decent recipes, so I enjoy the actual food.

I am guilty of this! Pop some music on and clean up I think there are worse battles

Tell him he has to clean it up.

There was a poster who left her H’s cooking utensils / dirty dishes a couple of weeks. He did them all in the end.

Why should she clean it up? He made an unreasonable mess.