To not know what to do next?

[Panicsettinginagain]

DH business has been failing for the last two years, we’ve been living off my PT salary and my savings.

Money is running out fast, house isn’t selling, DH just wants to keep on at business.

I’ve offered alternatives and solutions, he won’t accept them.

I don’t know what to do next and I feel completely alone in this.

What alternatives and solutions have you offered?

@notanotherdayofthisshit
find employment (even part time and don’t spend as much time on business), scale back business expenses. I don’t know what else to offer

What is the nature of his business? Is it likely to become profitable given time or is it a dead duck? What does he propose to do when the savings run out?

@Hellocatshome
it may well become profitable again, there’s no question DH works very hard but we have short term cash flow to think about.

He just wants to keep going, says things will pick up. I am doubtful things will pick up in time

I'm sorry this will sound harsh, but he needs to be realistic and get an employed job. Very few people get to do what they want in life; most just do what they have to.

You should also plan for what to do if your husband continues to bury his head in the sand. Is it possible to increase your own working hours?

Have you calculated when the money will dry up, if you continue spending as you are? Surely that will give him a deadline?

Ask him what his solution is.

"Costs of living are X. We have access to X minus Z. "

"How do you propose we find Z?"

As and when you are up and running again, budget for replenishing your savings.

A business which is operating at a loss is just an expense hobby.

Does he intend to get a job, or is he content to play at his hobby instead of working?

OP, you need to decide if you're happy to pay all the bills going forward, if not, you'll need to make some big changes.

He can do his hobby anytime, but the bills need to be paid on time.

I think your husband has to get real. If business is losing money and your savings are going down rapidly he needs to get a job and focus on his business part time. In this present economic climate I don't think you have the luxury of waiting and seeing if things get better. Bills need to be paid and food put on the table.

Thank you for your suggestions, although I’ve tried them all. He won’t have a conversation about it other than suggesting loans, something I want to avoid.

I can’t afford the bills on my own anymore, I couldn’t even if I took on more hours (something I’m reluctant to do under the circumstances).

I don’t know what to do next.

Could you go full time and he take on a pt job alongside his business?

With the house sale what is driving that housesale? Will you not be able to meet mortgage payments? If you are going to rent can you afford rent?

it would be logistically challenging due to childcare and we still wouldn’t be able to make ends meet with me working FT. DH doesn’t want to go PT.

House went on the market a few weeks ago due to finances. We will have to rent.

Which industry is his business in? Could he do something else in that industry with his business to make more money?

Honestly, I would give an ultimatum over this. You are going to lose your home because DH refuses to contribute adequately.

Yeah it’s a shame his business didn’t work out, but you can’t afford for him to run it as a hobby. He either gets a job or I wouldn’t allow him to continue dragging me and my DC down with him.

You are having to sell your house because of finances? If that hasn't pushed your dh into realising that he needs to change something then nothing will.

I honestly don't think that I could continue a relationship with such a selfish man. You will end up bankrupt and homeless if this continues.

I think you have no choice but to go full time yourself - childcare costs will reduce when children at school and in the long term. I don't think its reasonable to rely on him only to bring in a full time income.

Do you have children/dependents? Honestly if not I'd leave for a bit. He's dragging you down and it's not as though you haven't been supportive. He's happy for you to be stressed and unhappy over this when he could change it all by getting another job.

Sorry, I've just seen you do have children.

I agree with PPs though and would still leave for the reasons they've stated.

I would leave him. The unwillingness to engage in a proper conversation and make changes would mean there was no way forward.

He is willing to lose your family home and rent in this climate??

Do you have much equity? How long will it last even if you do sell?

Realistically can the business bounce back before you go bankrupt!

He needs to get a grip
You need to give him an ultimatum. And maybe show him this thread...

Wtf! You’re selling your house!! Tell your dh it’s a divorce or job.

@dammit88
My working PT was what was agreed due to numerous factors, if I got FT now I have no childcare. If I can even find FT work.

@jackstini
we have enough equity to get by for now. He is good at his job and works very hard, it may well pick up again in time but that doesn’t help us short term.

@Merryoldgoat
thats what I’m afraid of, I love him dearly but we can’t continue like this.

I think he’d let me leave tbh.

I think it sounds like he is prioritising this pointless hobby of a ‘business’ over you and your DC.

I think you need to leave him, if he won’t listen. If he gets a job and keeps the business ticking over on the side then there’s a future. Otherwise you’ll end up deep in nightmare loans all to prop up his ego.

If he would let you—and the children—leave over his hobby fantasy then the marriage is already over.

So he basically hasn't earned a living for the last two years?? Just off your savings??

I wouldn't be happy