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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandparents favouring one child?

47 replies

HouseD · 15/04/2023 18:16

My parents, who i am NC with, send money to each of my toddlers' bank accounts. They send one much more than the other, and I suspects it's because one is better looking than the other (in their eyes - mother has form for basing value of gifts on people's looks). Would it be wrong for me to divide this money equally?

There's no chance I'm breaking my NC to speak with them about it.

OP posts:
TellHimDirectlyInDetail · 15/04/2023 18:17

It would be the fair thing to do

BellaJuno · 15/04/2023 18:20

I’d ask the bank to block payments to the accounts to be honest.

familyissues12345 · 15/04/2023 18:21

I wouldn't want their money tbh

MRex · 15/04/2023 18:21

You can't accept money for one and give it to the other. Just top up the second child to balance it out.

SidekickSylvia · 15/04/2023 18:23

I would divide it without doubt. Is she starting the old narc classic of 'golden child/scapegoat'?

Conkersinautumn · 15/04/2023 18:25

I would. Definitely nip that generational trauma in the bud.

Dragonsandcats · 15/04/2023 18:30

I would share equally, or block the payment.

Hubblebubble · 15/04/2023 18:36

Is one older than the other? There's a 7 year age gap between me and my sister. I started getting pocket money when I was 8 and my M and SF used to get themselves all worked up about it. I explained that one day I'd be too old for pocket money and my Dsis would be old enough, but no, they were convinced it was favouritism.

ModeWeasel · 15/04/2023 18:37

YWNBU. However legally the money is that child’s if the account is in their name surely so you can’t move between accounts?

pinkyredrose · 15/04/2023 18:38

You're no contact but you accept their money? 🤔

Marmalady75 · 15/04/2023 18:40

Personally I’d block them making payments or change the accounts. You are NC for a reason.

DollyDoofer · 15/04/2023 18:43

Do your parents get to spend quality time with their GC?

NamelessNancy · 15/04/2023 18:45

Do you think this might be designed to reel you back in and get a reaction? Personally I'd return or block the payments if I didn't want a dialogue with them.

RedToothBrush · 15/04/2023 18:46

You are NC?

They are doing it to get a reaction out of you.

Thescriptures · 15/04/2023 18:58

You would be mad to reject the money for your children and worse to not split it equally

Livelovebehappy · 15/04/2023 19:14

If you’re NC, it’s a bit cheeky to allow them to deposit money into your dcs account. It’s like saying they’re not good enough to be in your lifes, but their money is good enough to take. Surely NC means totally NC.

Stripedbag101 · 15/04/2023 19:28

HouseD · 15/04/2023 18:16

My parents, who i am NC with, send money to each of my toddlers' bank accounts. They send one much more than the other, and I suspects it's because one is better looking than the other (in their eyes - mother has form for basing value of gifts on people's looks). Would it be wrong for me to divide this money equally?

There's no chance I'm breaking my NC to speak with them about it.

I have done a lot of research into emotionally immature and narcissistic parents.

this is a common tactic - it is possible they are doing It to get a reaction. Then they will tell you they can treat their grandchildren how they want - starting a row.

Maryandherlamb · 15/04/2023 19:31

Yes, 100% divide it. Unless you can block it completely, which I'm not sure you can.

Snowjokes · 15/04/2023 19:33

There’s a reason you’re NC. Stop accepting the money, split what’s already been deposited equally. If you allow this, you’re allowing them to start manipulating your children already.

RecklessBlackberries · 15/04/2023 19:36

I would close the accounts and stop them sending anything. If they sent cheques, I wouldn't cash them.

Redistributing the money is just going to cause issues in future if the one who was being sent more decides to be a brat about it.

GoodChat · 15/04/2023 19:39

I'd stop accepting the money, too.

Original poster
HouseD · 15/04/2023 22:01

I can't stop my parents putting in money. I have asked them so many times not to (pre NC) and the bank has said they can't block it. When they were sending money to me against my wishes I closed my account and opened another one with another bank, and their payments got rerouted to my new account due to the switch service. It was so much hassle.

My parents were emotionally abusive to me all my life and I have made my peace with it that this is compensation of to

OP posts:
Original poster
HouseD · 15/04/2023 22:06

Posted too soon!

I have made my peace that this is compensation for the way they treated me - something people advices when I posted ages ago under another username.

There's 2 years between my children and my second one, who they have only seen once as I went NC shortly after, didn't look as beautiful as my first as he had some physical facial issues. This is resolved now after some interventions. They don't know that but I know that will be the reason he is getting less.

Good point though about the legalities of it as it's not my money to redistribute, but it's so unfair.

OP posts:
ballykissangel · 15/04/2023 22:08

MRex · 15/04/2023 18:21

You can't accept money for one and give it to the other. Just top up the second child to balance it out.

Of course you can. Don't be so ridiculous! 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

NamelessNancy · 15/04/2023 22:13

Of course you can stop them sending money. Move to new accounts and dont send them the details

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