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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being a CF?

57 replies

Sassypants82 · 15/04/2023 10:19

I'm sat in a soft play centre while my daughter attends her friend's party. They're 6. As I've no other childcare for my 3 Yr old this morning, I have her here too.

I am sitting separately to the other parents at the 'party' area, I paid in for my 3yr old and said I'd be keeping her with me. She is playing with her sister though, or trying to keep up with them and has wandered over to the party table a bit.

The party guests will be taken to a separate room for food later and she will obviously not join them.

While I have done my best in the circumstances, but if you were the 'party parents', would you consider me a CF for bringing my other kid?

OP posts:
MysteryBelle · 15/04/2023 12:00

You should not have to sit separately from the rest or keep your little one from having some of the food. If I were the host I would make sure you felt welcome and included along with your younger child.

hoover12345 · 15/04/2023 12:10

No you & her are fine. Once at my daughters party in a play area a mum had to bring her older daughter, they paid for her separately but I gave her a seat at the party table and she had food and cake with them. I couldn't bare to see another child just wondering around left out.

cannaecookrisotto · 15/04/2023 12:15

pottydimley · 15/04/2023 10:52

If I was the host parent and knew the background, I'd have asked her to join the party. It seems a bit mean not to include her.

Same, if I was party mum I'd make sure she felt included, you've paid her in, not took the piss and I'd happily squish her in and stretch the food.

Soakitup37 · 15/04/2023 12:19

Sassypants82 · 15/04/2023 10:28

Thanks - we hosted at home last week for my older child, with entertainment etc and had a couple of tag on siblings.. Luckily I prepared a few extra party bags 🙄

It’s not cf territory but interesting that you’ve done what you considered cf for your own child’s party?

EmmasRegurgitatedShrimps · 15/04/2023 12:21

This was totally normal at every party we went to when mine were little. There was also plenty of food to go round, so plenty of nibbles for extra siblings.

Probz · 15/04/2023 12:28

There's no need at all to have checked with the parents, if it's public play times you can take who you want as long as you keep her away from the party room. If it a private booking then yes its cheeky.

WickedSerious · 15/04/2023 12:31

GeneHuntsCowboyBoots · 15/04/2023 10:25

No, definitely not a CF. What is being a CF is bringing a sibling into the party room and sitting them down at the food table without being asked when they hadn’t been catered for - as happened at my DS’s party once!

I think it’s the norm to do what you are doing. Most parents understand there’ll often be siblings around.

This happened several times when my DD was very young.The parents of a boy she was friends with thought nothing of rocking up with their other three children in tow.
No one ever said anything to them but I do remember them getting upset once when they were told there weren't enough party bags for all four children.

Isiteveningyet · 15/04/2023 12:33

To be honest, I don’t quite understand how she’s playing with her sister who’s at the party but she’s being held seperately and how she’s wandering over to the party table several times?

Judgyjudgy · 15/04/2023 12:34

Going against the grain, I think you are being a bit cheeky. You said she's playing with her sister and wandered over to the party table. I also think it's a bit unfair for the y year old not being able to enjoy the party without her sibling tagging along. And of course the parents will have to include her as it would be mean not to, so you're putting them in an awkward position.

UndercoverCop · 15/04/2023 12:38

I actually think it would've been better to take a friend for the younger one, then keep them completely away from the party group. The six year old should be allowed to go to a party with her friends without her 3 year old sister tagging along. My view may be coloured by my DNs where the 8 yeast old is expected to watch over/give in to the 4 year old all the time even when she had her own friends over to play or at her own birthday party

GeneHuntsCowboyBoots · 15/04/2023 12:39

Judgyjudgy · 15/04/2023 12:34

Going against the grain, I think you are being a bit cheeky. You said she's playing with her sister and wandered over to the party table. I also think it's a bit unfair for the y year old not being able to enjoy the party without her sibling tagging along. And of course the parents will have to include her as it would be mean not to, so you're putting them in an awkward position.

OP’s already said she won’t be going into the party room for food. OP’s paid for the sibling and also explained she has no other childcare..so would it have been better to keep the 6 year old at home and not go at all, or do the only other thing possible and take them both?

I agree it’s not ideal the party invitee having their sibling hanging around but I don’t see any choice in the matter.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/04/2023 12:40

No, but at that age I would have dropped and gone.
To avoid a) sibling following her round, b) elder sibling actually getting a chance to enjoy 'her' party, c) you stressing about being a cf, d) the difficulty of keeping younger away.

IverGo · 15/04/2023 12:43

No, this is totally fine!

You would be a cf if you sat your child at the party table with the other children, but you haven't done this, so it isn't a problem 😊

Willyoujustbequiet · 15/04/2023 12:46

Not a cf by any means.

You can't always drop and go as mentioned up thread as it depends entirely on the 6 year old. Lots of those with kids with additional needs never get that kind of freedom. You cant just magic up other childcare either.

CatOfTheLand · 15/04/2023 12:46

Isiteveningyet · 15/04/2023 12:33

To be honest, I don’t quite understand how she’s playing with her sister who’s at the party but she’s being held seperately and how she’s wandering over to the party table several times?

I'm assuming OP has sat at the other side of the soft play, away from the party table (there's no food there, I believe, because it'll be in the party room after) but the younger sibling is finding her sister in the soft play structure and following her to the party table when she exits.

twanmever · 15/04/2023 12:47

Soakitup37 · 15/04/2023 12:19

It’s not cf territory but interesting that you’ve done what you considered cf for your own child’s party?

Show quote history

No she hasn't - she's paid her child in and will be buying food in a venue that's open to the public. Completely different to other parents deciding to take their kids to OPs home and assuming it will be ok!

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 15/04/2023 12:47

If there is space in the party room, I invite the siblings to sit there too if their parents have paid for food for them. I'd tell them
"If you want little Jonny to join in the party after, just pay for their lunch at the counter and let them know they'll be joining the party games as well. Sorry we obviously don't have a party bag for them but they can get some cake at the end"

CatOfTheLand · 15/04/2023 12:48

Not cheeky at all. If you paid for the sibling and don't expect any party stuff for her then it's the same as if they'd bumped into any other kid they knew there. It's not like they have private hire.

BabbleBee · 15/04/2023 12:54

If you’re actively engaging with the little one, keeping her away from the party group and allowing the older one to enjoy the party as if you’re not there, all good.

On the other hand if you’re sat at a table on your phone, allowing the little one to wander around unsupervised/ occasionally distracting the little one or removing her from the party then that’s not fair on the older sibling.

Tidsleytiddy · 15/04/2023 12:55

I’d have dropped and gone to be honest.

SassiestPants · 15/04/2023 12:59

Soakitup37 · 15/04/2023 12:19

It’s not cf territory but interesting that you’ve done what you considered cf for your own child’s party?

Show quote history

I dont consider it the same, to be honest. Play centres are open to the public, operating on a drop in arrangement alongside party bookings, they have good and drink for sale. My home is private, the entertainment provided is solely paid for, by me and the food provided is bought and prepared by me too. So bringing extra kids puts all the extra pressure on me, as the host, as opposed to a parent in a play centre who can choose to pay for and use facilities open to the public and can fairly easily do so separate from the party.

SassiestPants · 15/04/2023 12:59

Tidsleytiddy · 15/04/2023 12:55

I’d have dropped and gone to be honest.

I considered this but didn't feel comfortable in this particular situation.

SassiestPants · 15/04/2023 13:02

CatOfTheLand · 15/04/2023 12:46

I'm assuming OP has sat at the other side of the soft play, away from the party table (there's no food there, I believe, because it'll be in the party room after) but the younger sibling is finding her sister in the soft play structure and following her to the party table when she exits.

Show quote history

Yes exactly this - I sat as far away as possible from the party tables which are in a dedicated place. They're large and for party groups and are adjacent to the play frame. The food and cake then is served in a separate party room altogether, which my 3 Yr old did not go in to.

SassiestPants · 15/04/2023 13:09

Judgyjudgy · 15/04/2023 12:34

Going against the grain, I think you are being a bit cheeky. You said she's playing with her sister and wandered over to the party table. I also think it's a bit unfair for the y year old not being able to enjoy the party without her sibling tagging along. And of course the parents will have to include her as it would be mean not to, so you're putting them in an awkward position.

You're right, not entirely fair on my 6 Yr old however after about 5 mins, she left her sister for dust and played with her friends.

3yo met other smaller kids and I then played with her for the last while.

I would prefer to keep parties separate as much as possible, but hadn't childcare today. Would also drop and go, just wasn't entirely comfortable today for a few reasons so did my best with what I had to work with.

I mentioned to the parents on arrival that I had 3yo so would sit separately and we chatted til others arrived and they sat in the party area. they offered me a coffee but didn't offer to include my 3yo (which is absolutely not what I would expect or want) which I hope means they didn't feel under pressure or awkward.

DistantSkye · 15/04/2023 13:09

No I think you're fine. However at 6 I wouldn't be hanging around at a kids party, so I would have dropped off and then taken the 3 year old somewhere else!