To worry these wake windows are not normal

[Newnanit]

My baby is 6 weeks old and cries what feels like ALL DAY. Sleeps well during the night for stints of 3 -4 hours which is wonderful but the days are tough.

I keep reading all the nice things we should be doing during wake windows but the majority of them are spent soothing a screaming baby trying to work out what’s wrong (after feeding nappy etc) I feel like a failure

am I deluded and this is normal and I need to get on with it or am I doing something wrong?

Mine used to be the same except he would only sleep for 45-minute bursts through the night too. He's now 6'3 and still not the greatest sleeper. My second used to sleep 13 hours with only a short wake-up to feed. They're all different; you're not doing anything wrong.

Is it definitely not colic, or some other type of discomfort?

At 6 weeks they don't need to be doing anything much at all inbetween naps. The time is mostly taken up with feeding, changing and a bit of cuddling.

Don't put any pressure on yourself to do x/y/z activities, just go with the flow.

If the crying is constant then I would see a HV/GP about possible causes - could be issues to do with feeding (allergies, or similar) or something else. Best to get it checked out.

Firstly you're not a failure, I have found the first few months bloody HARD! At 6 weeks there isn't much to do in wake windows apart from feed and cuddle so don't worry about not doing enough.

Do you think baby could have colic? Do they seem uncomfortable? You could try giving something like infacol before feeds in case they have wind, if you don't already. This really helped my dd when she was windy/screamy! Along with doing bicycle legs, froggy legs exercises x

Thank you! I have thought about colic but he sleeps so well during the night and also if he is being pushed in the pram or in the car! He most certainly seems uncomfortable.

I might get him checked over anyway as I hate seeing him so unhappy

Do you hold him for naps or trying to put him in a cot? At around that time babies get more aware and want the warmth and smell of their mother. Many start contact napping.

Breastfeeding or formula? If BF, babies want to do it a lot more than you’d expect.

My midwife & HV said weeks 5-7 are a nightmare and I remember thinking it would never end. Turned out she had colic and gaviscon infant worked a treat!

You need to get a soft sling.
Mine would cry unless he was being held in my arms, which makes life impossible.
I got a sling then my baby was happy and I also had two free arms!

OP, you are certainly not doing anything wrong. At six weeks old babies can be fussy, unsettled and very much only quiet while they’re asleep or feeding. If this is a new thing, I would put it down as a phase. Try Googling the tiger in the tree hold, this is a good way to get them to relax. I see a lot of parents worrying about wake windows in my line of work and trying to do lots of stimulating activities with their babies. But honestly, before 12 weeks they’re most content just being held and looking at you and their surroundings. Have you tried a sling or carrier?

May be worth a chat with HV/GP to see if there’s any allergies/if they think it could be colic, just for reassurance more then anything. But even if there’s not an underlying reason I wouldn’t worry too much at this point, babies are funny little things. The first few months are so difficult but it does get so much easier 💕

you’re absolutely not a failure, the fact you care so much shows you’re a brilliant mum!

Meant to add, my daughter had terrible colic but slept like an angel during the night

Once he's past his 6 week jabs and you can get out and about more it may get easier for you. More stimulation can make some babies nap for longer periods.
My experience with newborns is all over 18 years ago but there used to be midwife led swimming sessions where the mums had 20 mins aqua aerobics while the babies were in their car seats on the poolside and then the babies came in the baby pool with flotation devices and an opportunity to bob fir 20 minutes. After the first session with my first one I was so scared as she went from feeding every 1.5 hours to napping for 3 hours after the swim. It worked for all of my 5.
Also baby massage sessions were great for getting a good nap afterwards.

Different things may work for you but those two: swimming and massage, I'd definitely recommend to aid napping.

Aww...OP! DS1 was just like this. It does eventually get easier. It's a slow ride, but it will pass.

The only babies I’ve known to cry for hours have had reflux or intolerances.

Drs are notoriously resistant to diagnose but I had two babies. Oldest was always awake but didn’t cry much, was easily comforted etc.

Second was just like yours and I was dismissed by professionals for a year but he had a lactose intolerance. We moved to lactose free milk and literally overnight he changed. From 14 months he’s been a completely different child.

Whilst I appreciate this is your experience, having worked with hundreds of babies I can assure you some babies just are unsettled at this age. Whilst it’s good to get things ruled out, generally speaking, just crying a lot wouldn’t lead me to think a baby had an intolerance. There are usually other signs like mucousy stools, vomiting, rashes etc. I feel it’s important to highlight that there isn’t always a cause for babies being unsettled, especially in the first 12 weeks, it can just be their temperament. So yes, doctors are reluctant to diagnose because often babies are just being babies and parents want to “fix” what can be completely normal infant behaviour.
Parents often, for example, when they think their baby has reflux, want gaviscon prescribed but often for many babies reflux can be managed using other methods that don’t have side effects in the way medications do.
I notice you say you switched to lactose free milk at 14 months, so you had issues with your baby for a long time and can see why you feel you were dismissed by professions. But I feel parents are often mislead into thinking they need to fix their very young babies when more often than not it’s developmental and they will grow out of the phase they’re currently in and it won’t be down to a medical issue.

Go with the flow…Spring is coming

I was also going to ask if there was anything else going on, like a rash/mucus in poo or anything. My 3rd DC cried constantly, needed constant rocking and holding. It was cows milk protein allergy.

However, definitely try a sling and whether baby is going through a grumpy phase or there is something else going on, you are not doing anything wrong! Babies are just tough sometimes

I’d absolutely sack off whatever app is giving you wale windows at this early stage and go with your babies sleep cues. Wake windows can be useful when they are older but I find that they just stress a lot of parents out!

DD1 screamed all day but had reflux, she’d projectile vomit pretty much all of her feeds. She had gaviscon but that had dreadful side effects too that have her constipation. In the end we stopped it all and she just grew out of it.

I took mine to a&e once he cried that much, it was hours and hours from 5pm onwards most nights. Colic ‘peaks’ at 6-7 weeks, as in the crying is the most intense. He matched all the symptoms of silent reflux but nothing resolved it other than time.

Definitely get them checked out if you’re worried, but some babies do just cry a LOT, I think some just find it harder to adapt to being born than others.

Don’t worry you’re not doing things in their wake windows, the first few months are about surviving not thriving, get through the day in which any way you can, I would say I found getting out for a walk each day in all weathers truly the best thing for both of us, but can be harder said than done!

My eldest was constantly crying, feeding and occasionally sleeping. I only had 2nd baby when dd1 was 3.5 and I knew it got better. Dh and I braced ourselves for the horror that is the first 6 months…. Then we learned 2nd pregnancy was twins 😩🤦🏻‍♀️ The reality? They were a dream. Happy babies that actually did what the books said. Dd1 was a lovely toddler though… dtds hilarious toddlers with the biggest tantrums. They’re now 11 and 15 and fantastic. It’s okay not to love the baby stage. Every dc is different. I consoled myself that Dd was a hard baby and dtds were hard toddlers so teen years will be a dream (I used to say this with a slight sense of hysteria and wishful thinking). Dd1 at 15 is an amazing teen - kind, helpful and polite.

keep going op, the fun days are ahead so just do what you can to survive.

These first few weeks are super tough. Their little digestive systems are trying to get established and they can have colic, trapped wind, reflux. My child had reflux and screamed for hours. She would then finally crash and sleep sometimes. We went to the GP and they prescribed some meds. We also took her to a cranial osteopath (waste of time). It was so stressful. Sending you solidarity 💐

Is he crying after feeding/during feeding or before feeding?

My DD screamed blue murder after feeding. HV suggested omni milk and I had a different child! No screaming, nothing. She has now discovered she has a gluten issue and is reactive to several other substances, so the shorter chain protein, fats and carbs in omni milk were kinder to her allergies!

Good luck OP, its not easy is it? But you're not doing anything wrong X

Check for reflux, colic or cows milk protein allergy.

Firstly, congratulations!! Secondly, infants are so hard. I'm on my second, and although he sleeps better, neither of mine were good night sleepers, in the moment I'd have killed to have it your way round, I guess it's a trade off. I do have a good friend whose baby slept so well through the night but sounds exactly like yours during the day. She really did get better, but mat leave was so hard as it was just them all day long! Just know the old saying "the years are short and the days are long" with respect to parenting is very apt. I'd second the baby wrap/sling, maybe try some probiotic/colic drops, and baby massage in case it's gas. If it is, then being vertical helps a lot. I think colic usually peaks around 6-8 weeks, so maybe that's your issue? If that goes away, and then your little one keeps doing so well at night, then you are off to the races!

you could do cranial osteopathy - that can often help too.