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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel sad for a little girl being screamed at by her mum?

95 replies

morgymoo182 · 14/02/2008 21:03

Felt awful earlier, was walking into uni and saw this woman grabbing her little girl and literally screaming at the top of her voice into her ear. I nearly burst into tears at the sight. I would be horrified if anyone ever spoke to me like that, let alone this poor little girl (she must've been about 3 or 4 tops). Made me v and

OP posts:
bev1e · 14/02/2008 21:28

"I felt terrible and sick to the stomach" - it was that bad and you didn't say anything?

Original poster
morgymoo182 · 14/02/2008 21:28

Karen999 - this is exactly how I feel.
I didn't intend to judge the mother, though I obviusly must've done.

OP posts:
DforDiva · 14/02/2008 21:28

well, i often feel like screaming at dd at times. she is soon 3 and terrible tantrum queen
but i think no mum should not do that to her little girl.
i feel quite bad now

Karen999 · 14/02/2008 21:28

Never!! I just lock them in the cupboard

No, honestly though I have never raised my voice to my DCs....whats the point??

chipkid · 14/02/2008 21:29

omg karen99-what is your secret?

posieflump · 14/02/2008 21:31

morgymoo182 - do you have ki
ds, if so what age if you don't mind me asking

LyraSilvertongue · 14/02/2008 21:32

I wish I could be so composed Karen999. I'd love to never shout at dc but sometimes they drive me up. the. wall.

Karen999 · 14/02/2008 21:32

Count to ten, and remember that it will be more upset than them if I shout.....I suffer terrible guilt as it is, dont want to add to it. Tbh I am not a shouty person - even at DP!

And my belief is that if you shout/smack then you have lost the argument. It only teaches negative behaviour and the power of reason is far more effective. When dd1 was little I used the naughty step....seemed way better than shouting. It meant that she got time to cool down and so did I....

southeastastra · 14/02/2008 21:33

are you on valium op?

LyraSilvertongue · 14/02/2008 21:34

Good for you karen999. Unfortunately I am a shouty person (sometimes), but not a screamy one.

WaldenYapp · 14/02/2008 21:35

You want to hear me shout & scream at my Lo's when in public. I am sure that everyone must think that I am purely Argos and Asda.....which I am of course.

DforDiva · 14/02/2008 21:36

Karen, your dd sounds real angel to me. My dd will never give up, i will need to count up to 100 or 1000 to her cool down
By the naughty step wont work either. She throws mess and if i tell her " Tidy up or naughty step?" she walks to staircase and sits on. What would you do? Sometimes i dont know what to do with her

frecklyspeckly · 14/02/2008 21:38

poor little kid, whatever the reason, perhaps i am a hypocrite because being human i do shout at my kids when pushed, screaming in ear is a very violent way to deal with not holding hands.Vice like grip for SAFETY rather than to inflict pain on little one more appropriate in my humble opinion (as I adopt brace position for any following posts) ....

southeastastra · 14/02/2008 21:38

i shout mostly when tired. but is it bad? isn't it good to show children that even parents have a breaking point

Karen999 · 14/02/2008 21:39

When my dd was little (about 3) she knew even before I said it that it was time for the naughty step..she would go and sit there by herself!! Its not easy. I wont pretend, but when she got up I just used to return her. In the beginning it would take ages but she soon realised what was happening. I would tell her 2minutes and she would yell back after 10 seconds..."is my time up yet?" It would go on like this for the 2 minutes but by the time it was up she was calm and so was I. I also would not let her off till she apologised....

Divastrop · 14/02/2008 21:39

karen999-what are you on and where can i get some?

i feel bad when i hear a mother screaming at a child in a lost control sort of way,but i have been there myself with my older 2,years ago.you dont know the circumstances,but i dont think it would be wrong to gently ask the mother if everything is ok in that situation.

i imagine the women having a smoke outside an office building today,who heard me shout an obscenity at ds2(4.6),probably think im a nasty,evil,mother.but he was about to run out in front of a bus(luckily dd1 grabbed him just in time).

empen · 14/02/2008 21:40

i have never shouted at dd and would never even consider doing it in public. too embarassed. the only thing worse is swearing at them or hitting them.

MAMAZON · 14/02/2008 21:42

could quite easily have been me a few days ago.

been trying to get round town with Dd. she kept running off and being very naughty indeed. (not just normal 3yo stuff but deliberatly naughty)

she then ran off straight into a road and was very nearly hit by a car.

slightly further up the road she was refusing to hold my hand and i did really shout at her.
i dropped down to her level and shouted that it is very dangerous and that she was going to hold my hand whether she liked it or not.

not my finest hour in parenting terms but then again i had been stretched to the limits of my patience already and had just had the added stress of watching her almost killed.

its ok to feel sorry for the child, but you shouldn't judge.

DforDiva · 14/02/2008 21:43

OH , she right angel when she says " Mummy Im sorry" often followed by kiss.
But, she will happy sit on the step for good while, or i often find her laying down on it and playing. I always make sure she sits up.

empen · 14/02/2008 21:46

one of the mums at my school constantly shouts at her ds. the other day she screamed across the playground whilst walking into school. "come back here you little fucker"

honestly, what sort of behaviour is that!!!

(he is a little f*** though)

Karen999 · 14/02/2008 21:47

DforDiva....I sometimes used to stash a doll/teddy on the step so that she could play with it. I found it was a distraction for her and helped her forget that she had been put on the naughty step....she actually sometimes when playing used to out her toys on the naughty step if they had misbehaved!!

Karen999 · 14/02/2008 21:47

lol empen!! I think most kids are at some point!!

chipkid · 14/02/2008 21:54

empen have just spat wine all over computer!

I have never screamed at my children but have shouted very loudly!

Vacua · 14/02/2008 21:55

I don't do shouting and I get tearful when I hear it, I'd have been upset too and call me Ms JudgyNorks but would struggle to understand why quite such a violent verbal assault could be necessary. Couldn't it damage a young child's hearing to shout at full volume so close to her ear?

The mum might be having some sort of nervous breakdown I suppose and or the child could be a total nightmare. But like people finally snapping and shaking their won't-stop-crying-babies, it's not judgmental to find it sad even if you can mentally put yourself in their shoes.

BigBadMouse · 14/02/2008 21:57

YANBU to feel sad but

a few months ago my DD (3.5) was being very naughty one day. She refused to hold my hand as we walked along a relatively narrow pavement on a busy high street. She was struggling to get away and I was pushing DD2 in her pushchair. DD1 is usually a little angel and just decided to play up for 1/2 an hour - if she was always like it she would be on reins or in a pushchair. I had been up all night with DD2 and has really bad morning sickness so not in the best of states of minds.

DD1 broke away from me and tried to run out into the road I grabbed her arm and pulled her back and shouted at her loudly. A woman in her (what looked like) late teens early teenties walked past me, gave a disgusted look and tutted at me. She had been following me so must have seen what was going on. After being shouted at, DD gave up and walked properly but the attitude of the passing woman upset me for a long time.

Anyone who is fortunate enough to have the composure to never shout at their children is incredibly lucky. I hate shouting at my children but sometimes they do things that scare me so much (like trying to run out into the road) that I do shout (mainly in fear). I explained this to my DD when we got home, 'Mummy shouted because she was scared you would hurt yourself'.

I would be sad to see someone shout or scream at their child but some people on here seem to think it is a possible sign of abuse and that's really not fair since even the OP doesn't know the circumstances. For all we know that mum may be at home now beating herself up over what she said to her DD this morning....