I'm getting married but I want to look nice

[thatcrookedsmile]

We are eloping and have been together for years, since i was 16. Children together, house together, just a whole life together and he looks even more handsome today then he did when i met him. I on the other hand look like an old bag and I'm too embarrassed to walk down the aisle infront of my friends and family so thats why we are eloping.

I haven't had a haircut or my nails or eyebrows done since I was a teenager and I feel really embarrassed to go. Probably because I've let myself get to this tired mum stage.

I don't even wear make up and I've never thought I look ugly or care that I'm unkempt. Until the idea of starting my marriage with my drop dead gorgeous husband as a frumpy, ugly wife.

Has anyone changed it around? I have an outdoorsy life so my nails are always mucky and broken and my skin is always dry with calluses. I always liked that about myself, I can get up and leave the house in 2 minutes, not like when I was younger, and definitely not with the kids but now I'm embarrassed.

no I probably do just need the haircut, my last one was 8 years ago 😅 and I had one more before that in my life.

I think aswell I was so embarrassed at my own parents wedding. They got me a strapless dress in the middle of puberty and I was so embarrassed all day, conscious of flashing my little a cups (and I wasn't allowed to wear a bra because it was a strapless dress!) so embarrassing. I couldn't walk past my whole family again! I nearly cried! and add DHs family who already don't like me... oh god I just couldn't do it and I certainly couldn't part with thousands of pounds for the privilege.

a mobile hair dresser and nail person is actually a great idea, and I'll look at the working hands cream too. My hands used to be able to take a beating but the last couple of years they are really showing me up. I'm almost 30 so not even that old but the lines are coming thick and fast compared to a couple of years ago.

Of course work on your self-esteem. But it’s human nature to want to look nice on occasion.

Definitely start with your nails. It’s quick, not too intrusive and you can always change the colour. That will help kick start the process. And do wash your hands.. ‘mucky’ nails you can do something about!

Try and enjoy the process and your special day. Congrats!

I usually wear jeans and a t-shirt and I was going to wear... drum roll please... jeans and a t shirt. I brought some new trainers to go with them instead of my wellies.

It is annoying because I used to do my make up and hair every day but I had a couple of kids and now I can barely manage a brush through my hair.
I used to have loads of time for my nails and hair but that was years ago and I've forgotten how to apply bloody eyeliner. I got it all over my eyelid last time I tried!

Ah OP! Veteran of four children here too. You're very young still. You don't need to be all trussed up. Wear something comfortable but specially bought so it feels like an occasion.

I love the idea of elopement!! I'm very excited for you. Small steps -try a cut and blowdry instead of a full recolouring, paint your nails in a nude shade before going for a bolder manicure, stuff like that. Remember - you want to look like your best version of you, not someone else. Your partner thinks you get more beautiful everyday, I guarantee it.

Aw you're all making me feel a bit silly for caring too much about this. Of course the man who had so many children with me and has lived with me for the last decade wants to marry me. even though I'm still sure it's an elaborate hoax
forget it I'm booking a hair cut and get some hand cream!

bloody nail varnish is coming out too.

OP, I have a sister in law who sounds very like you but also has a disability, Im not going to describe her appearance as I think it would be unfair to her, however, the day she married my brother I swear to god she was the most beautiful bride I have ever seen, then and now, she radiated happiness and truly glowed, I will never forget it. She has always and will always struggle with the way she looks and how other people see her, all we saw that day was the love she and my brother have for each other, it was wonderful!

Enjoy your day, however you do it, you too will look lovely.

op if it makes you feel any better I wore jeans and a nice jumper for mine, with sparkly trainers. I didn’t get my hair or make up done and I was about 4 stone overweight. We had a lovely day (had 10 guests) it was very chilled and just what we wanted. Be proud of who you are and all that you’ve achieved and don’t judge your appearance harsher than you’d judge the appearance of anyone else x

Depending on how long you’ve got till the wedding here is what I would do:
eyebrows- book in now so you can find a shape you like etc and book again a week before the wedding so the redness goes away

nails - buy some nail strengthening oil from opi or somewhere and add that then book an appointment for the day before or a couple of days before to get them painted so less chance of dirt and damage. If you want to get a trial one do it now so you’ve got time to to get it removed etc

hands - get a good hand scrub - I swear by crab tree and Evelyn scrub and then a decent handcream and apply each night before bed. I use crab tree and Evelynbit also an intense foot balm (gehwol) on my hands to repair them as my line of work the hand gel kills my hands without this.

Hair - book a cut now and work out if you like it and buy a hair oil and masks and use regularly till the day!

Congratulations on the wedding!
A couple small things I do that don't take a lot of time that help me feel less like a husk -

I now do my body moisturising and skincare on damp skin. Life changing 😅 You can get some really decent skin care at a reasonable price now. My favourite combo is a gentle, hydrating face wash like Cerave, then on damp skin The Ordinary Hyaluronic Acid, a couple of drops of a caffeine serum (my favourites are from The Ordinary and Typology) under the eyes and then a moisturiser with SPF and a good swipe of lip balm and I'm good to go.

Tinted eyebrow gel is my dessert island make-up item. 30 seconds and they look fuller but still natural.

I now get gel nails every 3-4 weeks, it's a nice treat, stops me biting them and they're very hardy!

Hi op, I don't love being the centre of attention and it was something that made me nervous about my wedding day. I used the time I was engaged to try and just take care of myself a bit more, so I just was a bit more reliable with my skincare routine and invested in a decent serum and moisturiser. That made a big difference to my fine lines. Then I just went to my beautician every now and again to get my brows done and I went to the hairdresser and experimented with a few hair colours until I found one I liked for the day. I didn't bother getting my nails done as such but I did paint them myself every now and then.

It sounds like you have a busy life that requires you to be quite practical but that doesn't mean you can't practice a bit of self care in the evening when you've finished for the day. Even simple things like having a shower with some nice products/exfoliator and a nice smelling moisturiser can make you feel really good. I have a wee baby and it's been hard to find time to do things and I've really been feeling it so little and often I've found is the best way to start.

An appointment with a John Lewis personal shopper to find something to wear might be fun. You can say you are a wedding guest and get something pretty that you will wear again. They can find things to flatter your good bits. I highly recommend.

I wish you a day filled with joy and happiness. You deserve it

If you take advice to go to beautician be careful. Your husband may really really like your au natural look. If you turn up suddenly on your wedding day with makeup, dramatic change of image the shock may just spoil the moment

start now with small changes. Get your hair done first- a good haircut can make you feel great and start restoring confidence. Then your hands as they seem to bother you. Go for a good manicure but not painted nails and get stuck in now with gallons of hand cream. Same with feet- nice feet always make you feel good even if it’s just you mostly seeing them.
move onto some subtle face care- get your brows plucked professionally once so that you can see what to do and continue it at home. Experiment with some BB or CC creams to even out your complexion without wearing loads of makeup. Then maybe a little light lip stain …certainly start on lip moisturising

just small steps before you even get to your wedding

have you tried taking a friend or husband clothes shopping with you. Don’t need to buy anything but try on loads of different style dresses/posh clothes that could be suitable for your wedding day. Get opinions of what looks good on you, and what doesn’t or what husband doesn’t like. Then you can go shopping for your wedding day knowing that others feel you look good in that style

also, don’t forget that shape wear can do wonders under dresses etc. But bear in mind they can mean you being a bit uncomfortable after a day. I often wear my shape wear knickers over normal pants. Turn up looking good, but remove the shapewear later in evening when it’s dark and everyone is not as sober and won’t notice my lumps and bumps🤣🤣🤣. Especially if you don’t like being centre of attention - just use it for those moments when you are centre of attention.

On the other hand, you don’t HAVE to do anything. It’s about your confidence in your appearance. There are other ways of addressing this without actually changing your appearence.

Your dp wants to marry you as you are right now, never forget that

My feeling is you’d like to look well groomed and polished rather than outdoorsy. Eyebrows done, good haircut-maybe a gloss treatment and subtle nails would make a big difference. Tinted moisturiser, blush and nice lips. You’ll look wow-especially if you normally don’t bother.I bet you look great in real life-the outdoors does wonders for your skin. It would help if you’d give an idea of your colouring and shape and the style you like.

Yay! Don't do that though - have a proper treat you deserve it!! Book a full on pamper day- proper mani pedi, spa day
Then a separate day for hair and allow up to 5 hours for a good cut and colour etc. Really enjoy yourself. Bring a friend or a family member you like- bring your DH to the spa if you want!! You so deserve it. In my head you were 40+ but you're still in your 20s!!! Treat yourself xx

If I were you I’d get this moved to Style and Beauty where you’ll get some input from people who get it.

I think people on the thread got it

Get married as the person you are not what you think others expect. You can certainly get your hair cut, have tidy nails and pop on some lipstick but be you.

You think recommending therapy to improve her self esteem is getting it? 😂

I don't feel self conscious of myself but I do get putting beauty stuff off. I really need haircut but I can't face it. I'd love to get fancy nail extensions but iv never had them before and I can't build confidence to go get them.

Not even 30 and you’ve given up on yourself already? Ye Gods!!

Im 42 with 4 dcs and I think I look bloody good if I do say so myself!

I have regular hair, nail, brow appointments and don’t feel one bit guilty about spending that time and money on myself. Do it op - what have you got to lose? To be embarrassed about entering a hair/nail salon is silly - they are there to make you look better - I regularly go in wearing a hat to cover my roots until I’m all freshly sans grey again!

You seem to put your dp on a bit of a pedestal op - maybe this is part of the problem? Couples tend to be about the same level of attractiveness IMO - I’m sure you’re every bit as good looking as him!

But don't think of it as building confidence to go and do it. You're just another person
They see loads of you every day. Think of it like that and then next time you pass a shop with 30 mins to spare just go in and say I'd like to get my nails done please. Do it!!

thanks everyone for being so kind but I really have been ravaged by 5 children and all that comes with it

I doubt that's true. I don't think you can blame them!

What do you think you could do to make you feel not embarrassed? Is it a weight issue or simply grooming or is it more of a self confidence issue?

I expect the OP is one of those slim, outdoorsy people who looks like a sexy gardener with flowing locks and a tan.

There's no rule about the amount of grooming you do for your wedding. Tonnes of people I know have just put on some mascara or what have you (or got a friend or sister to do it), others have gone full whack with a make up artist. Same with hair - most of my friends just brushed theirs and left it down! No one will be looking at your hands unless they're actively covered in mud and holding potatoes.

I'm sure you're beautiful and I suspect the main hangup is spending money on yourself. With weddings you just need to prioritise. For example we did all our own decorations (VERY cheap think about £50) but I got a hair and makeup lady as I don't have the most confidence and I didn't want to be worrying about it myself on the day.