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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there must be other antenatal location options?

36 replies

Silkrose · 12/04/2023 20:02

This is my second pregnancy, but my first since moving out into the sticks, which admittedly was my choice. With my first we lived in quite a central location. I had to drive to the hospital for scans etc but could get to all of my antenatal midwife appointments on foot which worked well because we only have one car and DH needs it to get to work. I mostly wfh.

This time around, living in the middle of nowhere, it’s going to be more of a challenge to get to the appointments. The PCT I fall into has a primary community hospital 8 miles from where I live, but there is zero public transport and there’s no way I’m going to be able to afford a taxi each time. DH can’t take time off work to take me to appointments (and even if he could, he works in entirely the other direction so would be a 90 min round trip for him, minimum). I have one very elderly relative half an hour away but I would feel dreadful asking them to drive me each time and we haven’t been living here long enough to get to know any of the neighbours well enough to ask for a lift.

I’ve explained to the midwifery team that I’m going to have trouble getting to appointments for this reason but they basically just shrugged and said I’ll have to work something out. What, though?! I’ve read posts on here before that have said they’ve been threatened to be ‘red flagged’ with SS for missing and rescheduling too many antenatal appointments. I really don’t want that.

AIBU to expect some flexibility in appointment locations/ the odd home visit instead? Has anyone else been offered such a thing?

OP posts:
Twizbe · 12/04/2023 20:06

Have you checked if they have a home birth team? They often do home antenatal appointments too.

The other option could be a private midwife.

Writeandroll · 12/04/2023 20:07

Sorry why can’t you drive? Do you have one car?
What about a bus?
That does sound like a nightmare, all my midwife appts have always been based from my GP (but then I had fortnightly scans in hospital anyway!!)

Can you have some phone appts maybe? Not ideal but at least you’re checking in? Especially as a second pregnancy, it’s easier to know what to expect and when to worry.

SparkleSpangle · 12/04/2023 20:08

Can you get a second car?
DH WFH on appt days?

There really isn't that many appointments with a second pregnancy. I think asking them to come to you is unreasonable as they are so short staffed it would take appointments away from other women while they were traveling to you.

Mummynew08 · 12/04/2023 20:11

Ps this link says "new" but was published in 2014. Your dh can and must take time off to take you to the appts.

Is there a reason he doesn't want to, or is he just ignorant of this legal right...?

mummyoffourminimes · 12/04/2023 20:12

Put in writing in an email that you can not attend at that location. This is not a SS issue. They should offer you appointments at home, I am very rural and had my appointments at home. I also had home births because of issues getting to the hospital .

TulipsAndDaisiesAndBlossom · 12/04/2023 20:12

Midwives are too overstretched, especially in rural areas to be doing home visits on everyone. If you want to be seen it is up to you to get yourself to the clinic.
Ask your husband to let you have the car, can he work from home or could you drive him to the bus stop/station? Otherwise your husband might just have to come and take you. You won’t need that many appointments if it’s an uncomplicated pregnancy, maybe your husband might enjoy coming to the appointments.

mummyoffourminimes · 12/04/2023 20:13

SparkleSpangle · 12/04/2023 20:08

Can you get a second car?
DH WFH on appt days?

There really isn't that many appointments with a second pregnancy. I think asking them to come to you is unreasonable as they are so short staffed it would take appointments away from other women while they were traveling to you.

You want the OP to buy another car to get to some appointments?! Crackers. Absolutely crackers.

Mummynew08 · 12/04/2023 20:14

"Fathers and partners who are employees have a legal right to take unpaid time off work to accompany their spouse/partner to up to two antenatal appointments.
You are entitled to take a maximum of 6.5 hours per appointment, including travelling and waiting time. Any additional time can be taken as annual leave. Some employers offer paid time off and employers can offer more time off than the legal minimum, so check your contract or ask your employer."

https://maternityaction.org.uk/advice/rights-at-work-for-fathers-and-partners/

Rights at work for fathers and partners including same sex partners - Maternity Action

This page contains information on: Who do these rights apply to?Time off for antenatal appointments for fathers and partnersPaternity Leave and Shared Parental LeaveRights at work for new parentsBenefits for familiesWhere to go for more helpMore Matern...

https://maternityaction.org.uk/advice/rights-at-work-for-fathers-and-partners

Original poster
Silkrose · 12/04/2023 20:27

Thanks for all your responses. I totally agree that the NHS is overstretched and I absolutely do not want to deny other women the service by insisting on home visits, but there has to be another way.

DH is in education so there is no annual leave in term time and no wfh option for him, but thanks @mummynew08 for the links (although your second article seems to suggest only two appointments which wouldn’t touch the sides… I’ll look into this though).

@SparkleSpangle I also assumed fewer appointments for a second pregnancy, especially as my first was straightforward but was told by the midwife that I would have just as many the second time as the first, as standard. 🤷🏼‍♀️

The regional differences in service across the PCTs seem to vary wildly…

OP posts:
nicknamehelp · 12/04/2023 20:28

Welcome to living in a rural location. Nothing is easy to get to and in limited locations.

Twizbe · 12/04/2023 20:31

I know buying a car for just the appointments is a bit crazy, but is it worth getting a cheap electric run around car so you have one long term?

I can see this staying an issue as the kids grow with doctors visits and days out etc.

Original poster
Silkrose · 12/04/2023 20:35

@Twizbe It does seem mad but you might have a point. I know I’ll probably need one once the baby arrives but the price of second hand cars at the moment is nuts.

Should’ve thought of that before getting up the duff, I suppose! Children are never going to be the cheap option in life…!

OP posts:
Moraxella · 12/04/2023 20:36

I cycled (6mi) til I couldn’t reach the handlebars, and then from that point was only 2/3 appts left.

Merryoldgoat · 12/04/2023 20:40

I don’t understand how you can decide to move to a very rural location and be surprised that there’s no transport…

If you can drive surely a car is essential in this situation.

usererror99 · 12/04/2023 20:43

If the OP can't afford a taxi she can hardly afford for her husband to take unpaid leave to attend antenatal

To be honest OP it was very much your choice to move to that location and then have a child so I'd just sort a taxi out? Assuming you are low risk then you don't really have that many appointments that you have to attend

CorinaCortado · 12/04/2023 20:52

You would be taking the absolute piss to expect a midwife to come to your home for your appointments and I’m amazed you can’t see that! You chose to move there with one car, you’ll just have to find the taxi money. If you can’t, 🤷🏻‍♀️

Dixiechickonhols · 12/04/2023 20:59

Is it worth checking on local community Facebook or with pals at hospital if there is any transport - some areas have volunteer drivers and you pay cost of petrol.
You can’t be only one in village needing to go to the community hospital.

Gizlotsmum · 12/04/2023 20:59

Is there any community transport scheme you could use?

Dixiechickonhols · 12/04/2023 21:01

Can DH get a lift with colleague and leave you the car? Or schedule as many apts when he’s on hols if he gets school hols off.

Redbone · 12/04/2023 21:01

Might have already been mentioned but why don’t you drive your DH to work and back on the days of your appointments? I know that at the schools that I worked at a man taking time off for ante- natal appointments would not go down well , whether it is the law or not!

PuffinsRocks · 12/04/2023 21:02

How on earth are you going to get to the hospital when you pop?? Best make a plan for that asap especially if it happens while DH is at work.

onedone · 12/04/2023 21:05

Do they run "outreach" clinics?

I chose to have my 2nd dd under a different trust - all my midwife appointments were in a doctors surgery that they took over on a certain day (think it was a Wednesday). Only went to the hospital for my scans

The community hospital was 13 miles away & my midwife appointments were only 4 miles
I had a lot less appointments with the 2nd saying that though

Hedwigharlot · 12/04/2023 21:05

All my appointments are in a hospital half an hour away. I just have to drive. Absolutely zero chance they would see me at home! You just need to figure something out.

NoTouch · 12/04/2023 21:11

Why did you move so rural with no means of transport?

Surely this is going to become more and more of an issue once the baby is here. Do you have options to move to somewhere more practical?

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