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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there must be other antenatal location options?

36 replies

Silkrose · 12/04/2023 20:02

This is my second pregnancy, but my first since moving out into the sticks, which admittedly was my choice. With my first we lived in quite a central location. I had to drive to the hospital for scans etc but could get to all of my antenatal midwife appointments on foot which worked well because we only have one car and DH needs it to get to work. I mostly wfh.

This time around, living in the middle of nowhere, it’s going to be more of a challenge to get to the appointments. The PCT I fall into has a primary community hospital 8 miles from where I live, but there is zero public transport and there’s no way I’m going to be able to afford a taxi each time. DH can’t take time off work to take me to appointments (and even if he could, he works in entirely the other direction so would be a 90 min round trip for him, minimum). I have one very elderly relative half an hour away but I would feel dreadful asking them to drive me each time and we haven’t been living here long enough to get to know any of the neighbours well enough to ask for a lift.

I’ve explained to the midwifery team that I’m going to have trouble getting to appointments for this reason but they basically just shrugged and said I’ll have to work something out. What, though?! I’ve read posts on here before that have said they’ve been threatened to be ‘red flagged’ with SS for missing and rescheduling too many antenatal appointments. I really don’t want that.

AIBU to expect some flexibility in appointment locations/ the odd home visit instead? Has anyone else been offered such a thing?

OP posts:
Nursemumma92 · 12/04/2023 21:48

If you can drive then I think a cheap run around car would be a good idea OP. Not just for your antenatal appointments, but for when baby is here. I got a phone call on day 1 of baby being born with 2nd baby, then had to go to clinic for day 5 and day 10 appointments. Had one home visit from health visitor but all routine other appointments like developmental reviews done at clinic- only home visits in extenuating circumstances (usually child protection issues or mums suffering from PND). Then there's baby's vaccinations and if they are unwell. It will be very tricky to get your husband to take time off so you can have the car with no advance notice if baby is suddenly unwell and needs to see a GP.

I know money is tight for many at the moment- I certainly couldn't just buy a new car at the moment but it's something to consider if you are in the middle of nowhere.

Singularity82 · 12/04/2023 21:58

I understand it’s difficult but YABU. Unfortunately midwives don’t have the time to offer home visits for everyone (as lovely as it would be!).
Could you arrange to be seen in the antenatal clinic at the hospital instead of by the local midwife? They usually have longer hours than the gp clinic midwife so perhaps could arrange your appointments for after your husband finished work.

mummyoffourminimes · 13/04/2023 08:15

Ask your GP to do the BP and urine checks if that's closer and you can't get there. My GP offered this when I was between midwives.

Really though you should be able to get home visits, I'm really surprised by the responses on this thread, I am rural and it's normal here to have home visits, there are only a few of them, the NHS is such a shit show, just acquiescing to poor service isn't going to help long term.

SBHon · 13/04/2023 08:46

Has he actually asked his work yet? My school would have had no problem with him attending the appointments.

Or you drop him off and pick him up on the appointment days so that you have the car.

CorinaCortado · 13/04/2023 13:43

mummyoffourminimes · 13/04/2023 08:15

Ask your GP to do the BP and urine checks if that's closer and you can't get there. My GP offered this when I was between midwives.

Really though you should be able to get home visits, I'm really surprised by the responses on this thread, I am rural and it's normal here to have home visits, there are only a few of them, the NHS is such a shit show, just acquiescing to poor service isn't going to help long term.

where’s the ‘poor service’? Confused

AngeloMysterioso · 13/04/2023 13:50

How practical is it for you to be a one car family when your DH uses it for work and you live in the middle of nowhere with 2 children? How are you ever going to go anywhere with them during the week? This is your problem to solve, not the NHS’s.

FlounderingFruitcake · 13/04/2023 14:03

You drive him to work and pick him up when you have an appointment, leaving the car free for your use. He can legally take 2 off, which you’d probably want to save for the 12 and 20 week scans. Then if you’re lucky a couple might fall in the school holidays. So hopefully you’d only need to do it a few times.

Singularity82 · 13/04/2023 22:13

CorinaCortado · 13/04/2023 13:43

where’s the ‘poor service’? Confused

Show quote history

I agree.
Im not sure why maternity care is held to such higher standards than other healthcare sectors.
Imagine having a physiotherapy appointment and saying “Oh I don’t have a car on that day, you’ll have to come to my home”.

mummyoffourminimes · 14/04/2023 09:18

Having an accessible service is a key part of care. It used to be standard that midwives were based in the GP surgery so they were accessible to all. Now women are forced to drive an hour for a 10 minute appointment, not okay.

This issue is about wealth and health inequality.

The rich have cars, they can access their appointments wherever, they have better health outcomes. The poorer can not afford a new car, more transport, to miss work, will likely be in less secure employment where missing work will cause problems for them. They have poorer health outcomes in the UK (and rest of the world) as it is. Do wake up and see the bigger public health issue here.

CorinaCortado · 14/04/2023 12:40

mummyoffourminimes · 14/04/2023 09:18

Having an accessible service is a key part of care. It used to be standard that midwives were based in the GP surgery so they were accessible to all. Now women are forced to drive an hour for a 10 minute appointment, not okay.

This issue is about wealth and health inequality.

The rich have cars, they can access their appointments wherever, they have better health outcomes. The poorer can not afford a new car, more transport, to miss work, will likely be in less secure employment where missing work will cause problems for them. They have poorer health outcomes in the UK (and rest of the world) as it is. Do wake up and see the bigger public health issue here.

an 8 mile drive would take OP an hour would it? Righto

DDivaStar · 14/04/2023 12:48

You made the choice to move to a rural location without access to car. This was totally predictable and antenatal appointments won't be the last time you have this issue.

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