Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to expect dh to be an adult

56 replies

Pollydarling · 12/04/2023 19:57

Both off work, I'm sorting utility, DH sorting his clothes. Pop upstairs and he wants me to help him sort his clothes in to keep/donate. I do this and afterwards tell him at 40 he should do this himself without constantly relying on me to tell him what to do. He didn't like this comment so I spent the rest of the day reading and doing what I wanted to do.
This evening he's made reference to us 'not talking' which I disagreed with, he also referred to my comment as me 'throwing a tantrum and being unhelpful' we have 3 children, I don't need a 4th. I know I'm not being unreasonable but it's wearing. I didn't throw a tantrum at all, I gave him my thoughts and expressed that I'm fed up of feeling like his parent.
Oh and when I said I was going for a walk he got his trainers on and ran out the house before me...
Please tell me I'm married to an arsehole.

OP posts:
pictoosh · 12/04/2023 21:10

I'd have been revolted by the pettiness of him getting his trainers on and nipping out ahead of you. How small. How unattractive.
He's your husband not your wee brother. He shouldn't want to get one over on you like that.

Original poster
Pollydarling · 12/04/2023 21:12

Triffid1 · 12/04/2023 21:03

Hes got a lovely set up doesn't he? He gers tou doing all the decision making, and heavy lifting. He gets to do whatever he likes without consequences. AND he's petty and childish so that getting one up on you, eg by getting his run in before your walk, probably gives him the thrill normally only experienced by a pre-teen.

Ick

Sorry, when I said ran out of the door, it wasn't for a run. He got in the car and parked around the corner. I know this because DDs friend passed him parked up and mentioned it to her over text

OP posts:
Triffid1 · 12/04/2023 21:13

@pollydarling that's WORSE. he didn't want you to.go.for a walk/to be left with dc so he parked round the corner?!?@?@?!?!?!?!?!

Bananaramdam · 12/04/2023 21:15

@Pollydarling You are totally not unreasonable.
He could be a more gracious with you since you were in fact very helpful, I don't get what his beef is.
@MrsTerryPratchett is so right, ask him to help every time you do something.

Bananaramdam · 12/04/2023 21:21

Honestly he sounds like a mean girl.

ABlindAssassin · 12/04/2023 21:22

Does he know that you know he's sitting in the car round the corner? It seems a very strange thing to do. Your DH sounds immature and incapable. If he's not adding anything positive to your life then please consider leaving.

Bluebells1970 · 12/04/2023 21:25

DH can't do anything in the house without instructing or asking a million fucking questions. Then I lose it and snap "just bloody do it" and of course I'm the mean girl. It's strategic incompetence, of course, but there are times when I seriously don't have the patience.

I do wonder about life alone tbh....

IAmMeThisIsI · 12/04/2023 21:27

Lmao that people are blaming OP and basically coming at her for this!

No. She's nbu. He should know how to do things. She shouldn't have an extra kid practically to take care of. She's in the right.

saraclara · 12/04/2023 21:29

Pollydarling · 12/04/2023 21:12

Sorry, when I said ran out of the door, it wasn't for a run. He got in the car and parked around the corner. I know this because DDs friend passed him parked up and mentioned it to her over text

Show quote history

I'm guessing he was moaning about you to someone on his phone?

RandomMess · 12/04/2023 21:32

Leaving the house for no other reason than stopping you go out is very controlling.

Menopants · 12/04/2023 21:38

Oh he’s a right little bitch isn’t he?

Bananaramdam · 12/04/2023 21:38

RandomMess · 12/04/2023 21:32

Leaving the house for no other reason than stopping you go out is very controlling.

It's pathetic.

Drusillagobwitch · 12/04/2023 21:39

@Pollydarling Sorry, when I said ran out of the door, it wasn't for a run. He got in the car and parked around the corner. I know this because DDs friend passed him parked up and mentioned it to her over text.

Am I reading this correctly?
A 40 y.o. grown man runs out of the house and hides in the car round the corner ??
Speechless.

suzyscat · 12/04/2023 22:15

emmathedilemma · 12/04/2023 20:20

Don’t hold out too much hope @Bananaramdam my dad is 75 and I’ve had the “open the goddamn dishwasher door instead of leaving things on the side” row with him all weekend!!

It's like those romantic stories of the elderly wife passing away and the husband dying a couple of weeks later of starvation because they've never so much as made themselves a sandwich a broken heart

Takenoprisoner · 12/04/2023 22:22

Drusillagobwitch · 12/04/2023 21:39

@Pollydarling Sorry, when I said ran out of the door, it wasn't for a run. He got in the car and parked around the corner. I know this because DDs friend passed him parked up and mentioned it to her over text.

Am I reading this correctly?
A 40 y.o. grown man runs out of the house and hides in the car round the corner ??
Speechless.

Urgh please tell me you aren't remotely attracted to this 'man'? That's the pettiest thing I've ever read on here.

Elfandwellbeing · 12/04/2023 22:32

I think your Prince Charming has a lot of brothers.. who all share their twatty spoilt and sulking behavior with a lot of women on mn atm.

emmathedilemma · 12/04/2023 22:36

suzyscat · 12/04/2023 22:15

It's like those romantic stories of the elderly wife passing away and the husband dying a couple of weeks later of starvation because they've never so much as made themselves a sandwich a broken heart

Show quote history

Oh I reckon he could survive for at least a decade on cereals and toast when he finishes my poor mother off for running round after him

Thepossibility · 12/04/2023 23:00

I'd be fucking FUMING that he decided you wouldn't be going on a walk more than anything!
Both controlling yet petulant at the same time. Top AH behaviour.

Drusillagobwitch · 12/04/2023 23:03

Elfandwellbeing · 12/04/2023 22:32

I think your Prince Charming has a lot of brothers.. who all share their twatty spoilt and sulking behavior with a lot of women on mn atm.

Unfortunately, I have to concur with this post.

Nimbostratus100 · 12/04/2023 23:05

Pollydarling · 12/04/2023 21:09

I wasn't aggressive- he said something along the lines of 'that wasn't so bad, no need to be grumpy about it' which is when I said I shouldn't have to, it's not wrong of me to expect you to do this as an adult, would you face time your mum if I wasn't here. I do this constantly for me and 3 children...
I'm kicking myself for ending up here. I've done so much for everyone, everything really and it's become habit. Now I've been back at work full time for 2 years it's just getting too much and it's really highlighting the excessive. Beyond excessive.

Show quote history

sounds like he was just asking your opinions , nothing wrong with that, I agree with do it cheerfully or not at all

Wc100423 · 12/04/2023 23:07

SparkleSpangle · 12/04/2023 20:25

Congrats @Bananaramdam Mine polished his own shoes earlier this year, there is still polish stains on the carpet and my (ex) good tea towels, but can't complain. He also let me show him how to put a duvet into a duvet cover this week so he can 'do it himself next time' #soproud

Show quote history

My son who was 12 at the time was shocked when he went on a school trip that non of his friends could make their own beds or put a duvet cover on. He was chuffed he could. He’s been doing it since he was 8 years old.

TookTheBook · 12/04/2023 23:15

To put things in context, OP, I honestly wouldn't know how to do this chore for my DH. I can sort my children's clothes, and admittedly probably take on more "mental load" for those than my DH. But I wouldn't dream of sorting his clothes! I wouldn't have a clue what he should keep or not. I don't even offer to buy him new socks when they get threadbare - he's an adult and in charge of his own personal grooming, including clothes. All I'm saying is I agree you're not being unreasonable. Maybe reconsider a lot about this relationship dynamic.

Brightbouquet · 12/04/2023 23:48

Sarah Ockwell Smith has a great post about this on Instagram today. Share it with him and let him know what the outcome would be if he doesn't start to act like an adult.

I.e he'll have a lot more than a 5 min job to worry about when he's living along and looking after his kids by himself every other weekend

LivingDeadGirlUK · 12/04/2023 23:53

Pollydarling · 12/04/2023 21:12

Sorry, when I said ran out of the door, it wasn't for a run. He got in the car and parked around the corner. I know this because DDs friend passed him parked up and mentioned it to her over text

Show quote history

That's pathetic!

Ick.

PaigeMatthews · 12/04/2023 23:58

Pollydarling · 12/04/2023 21:12

Sorry, when I said ran out of the door, it wasn't for a run. He got in the car and parked around the corner. I know this because DDs friend passed him parked up and mentioned it to her over text

Show quote history

He is an absolute wanker for that. Id be leaving him with them over bedtime. When he asked you to help with his job if you didnt want to say no, ask him for help with your job

Swipe left for the next trending thread