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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Wine, do you think you are an alcoholic if..

171 replies

EatsYummySprouts · 12/04/2023 19:23

How much wine (that‘s my tipple) do you drink per day and does drinking 3 normal size glasses of wine every evening make you an alcoholic?

YABU = yes
YANBU = no

OP posts:
Ohmygodareyouserious · 12/04/2023 20:31

Am definately in the minority to say YANBU. I drink a bottle of wine most nights. I had a 50+ health MOT last week and discussed it then. I think lockdown massively increased my drinking in the house and discussed it with the health worker who advised aiming for 2 or 3 nights a week with no alcohol. I am going to do this mainly for my weight which is creeping up. I don't suffer from hangovers ever, perhaps if I did it would be different.

Viviennemary · 12/04/2023 20:34

An average glass is 2.3 units so 3 glasses almost 7 unitsTimes that by seven equals 49 units a week. Recommended is 14 units for safe drinkiing. Certainly far far too much and a drinking problem.

RedVino · 12/04/2023 20:36

Number of glasses is irrelevant as I can split the same amount between 6 glasses or 2 glasses - depending on glass size.

I drink more than you, have done so for over 20 years and it is definitely an unhealthy amount but I am not physically addicted. I can, and do, go without regularly without any side effects. Even if others are drinking it doesn't bother me to not drink - if I'm driving for example or have something to do the next day. I think it is sometimes labelled as functional alcoholic.

There is a genetic element in how our bodies cope with alcohol - my parents and family are mostly heavy drinkers too but none of us is alcohol dependent and none of us are violent or even verbally unpleasant after having quite large amounts. Also none of us ever gets 'falling down' drunk.

I say I am alcoholic - family and friends say I am not as I am otherwise healthy (or appear that way) never get incapacitated, never do drunk texting (or shopping) and am always fine the next day.

As previously stated I live alone. I am also retired and am not too bothered about how much longer I live so I'm unlikely to change my habits whilst they are not causing me any issues. This may not be the same for you.

I also disprove what is often said on here - which is that drinking 'x' amount, will invariably increase. I average a bottle of wine per night (when drinking) and have done for well over 20 years. I have gone through short phases when under stress, of this increasing to a bottle and a half on consecutive nights. When the stress abates I, without thinking, drop back to between 3/4 bottle to a bottle as that is my happy place.

ArcticBells · 12/04/2023 20:37

@HedgerowRobin Perhaps you should go ahead and scaremonger. Lots of us could possibly do with a wake up call.

ScreamingBeans · 12/04/2023 20:48

Alcoholic is not a helpful term as it implies that on one side of an invisible line you're fine and normal and on the other side you're a sick person with a terrible disease.

Alcohol dependence and abuse is on a spectrum.

If you don't feel you can be without those 3 glasses of wine, you are beginning to develop a dependence.

That's not a problem, you can cut down and do something else that isn't drinking a couple of evenings a week. You already know something's up, you wouldn't have posted otherwise. Good luck with cutting down.

JackHackettsMac · 12/04/2023 20:51

It's not necessarily about the amount of alcohol you consume, but your reasons for drinking alcohol and does your drinking impact on other people?

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 12/04/2023 20:56

Yellowrosesmakemehappy · 12/04/2023 19:34

You don’t have to be a hardcore alcoholic who can’t function who have an issue with alcohol.

Society needs to reframe it’s thinking in regards to this.

If you are using it to de-stress, that’s called self medicating and it would be best to find better coping mechanisms.

^^ This, people associate that word with someone who smashes strong cider in an afternoon and puts vodka on their cornflakes. Doing it every evening suggests a dependence - even if it's just one glass. It might not make you drunk, or even tipsy, but its not a healthy relationship with alcohol.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 12/04/2023 20:58

That's a huge amount!

Could you manage to reduce it to only friday/saturday nights and keep week nights alcohol free?

That would reduce your intake from 5-6 bottles a week to 1 bottle and improve your health.

FetlocksBlowing · 12/04/2023 20:59

Three glasses of wine a day every day, when you've got the flu, when you're hungover, if you're taking antibiotics, that is an addiction.

I know because that was me.

It's not about the amount, it's about how it makes you feel.

It was my reward, my coping mechanism, I remember thinking that I could get through anything as long as I had wine. And lots more on nights out, because then it was legitimate and allowed.

And that turned into more glasses a day and feeling that I couldn't control it any more, it was controlling any more, and I couldn't stop even if I wanted to.

I knew all along at the back of my mind that it probably wasn't a good situation but as others have said, alcohol is so normalised, encouraged, oils the wheels of every social occasion, it was easy to tell myself that it wasn't that bad.

Confused19831983 · 12/04/2023 21:08

I don't think it makes you an alcoholic at all. If you are able to stop whenever you want, then you haven't got a problem. The NHS recommended weekly guidelines are skewed because people lie about how much they drink. I very much doubt three glasses of wine will do you any physical harm, especially if you otherwise have a healthy lifestyle. I think it will only become an issue if your intake creeps up. If you are enjoying it, continue!!! 🍷🍷🍷

Beezknees · 12/04/2023 21:11

I don't drink wine, I drink spirits but I don't drink every day. I only drink on a Friday, occasionally a Saturday if I go out.

I would think somebody drinking 3 glasses every night has a problem.

Wittow · 12/04/2023 21:15

https://community.theluckiestclub.com/share/405kJB3JKHsV1u3U

Just leaving this here for anyone who is sober curious.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 12/04/2023 21:18

Confused19831983 · 12/04/2023 21:08

I don't think it makes you an alcoholic at all. If you are able to stop whenever you want, then you haven't got a problem. The NHS recommended weekly guidelines are skewed because people lie about how much they drink. I very much doubt three glasses of wine will do you any physical harm, especially if you otherwise have a healthy lifestyle. I think it will only become an issue if your intake creeps up. If you are enjoying it, continue!!! 🍷🍷🍷

A vague "I can go without if I want to" doesn't mean he/she is though. That second post is two sentences that massively contradict themselves.

SomeOldDonut · 12/04/2023 21:23

Personally I think it’s fine!

BellePeppa · 12/04/2023 21:26

I don’t really drink alcohol (probably about five units a year) but I find listening to music while cooking really helps me unwind. Could you try that? Three glasses every night is too much to keep your liver or pancreas healthy.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 12/04/2023 21:47

The current research is that there is no safe amount of alcohol to drink - you can just minimize risks. But not having alternative ways to cope and daily drinking are both problematic.

HedgerowRobin · 12/04/2023 21:47

As requested.

Every time your liver has to filter alcohol, some liver cells die. Most people are aware that the liver is regenerative but that is only to a certain extent and certainly not in the context of prolonged alcohol excess (over the recommended units per week for a significant length of time).

Eventually your liver becomes damaged and scarred - causing cirrhosis and associated complications. Liver disease and cirrhosis often don’t show signs or symptoms until very late stage - definitely too late to reverse any damage already done.

Complications of liver disease include oesophageal varices - effectively varicose veins in the gullet. The liver is responsible for producing many of your blood clotting factors. These varices can go undetected for a long period of time and then suddenly rupture. Your blood then does not clot correctly due to the liver damage and I have watched patients bleed to death in a matter of minutes due to enormous variceal haemorrhage.

Other complications of liver disease include ascites - the build up of fluid in the abdomen. People end up looking 9 months pregnant due to the sheer volume of fluid in their abdomens. This is painful and compresses the other organs, causing breathing difficulties and mobility issues. This symptom is often recurrent and people require repeated abdominal drains. This fluid often gets infected (spontaneous bacterial peritonitis) and people die from this or from infections caused by repeated drains.

Toxins can build up in the brain due to liver damage causing a condition called encephalopathy - extremely sudden onset acute confusion. I have seen patients violently attack their families due to this confusion and cared for patients who are comatose due to this build up of toxins - it can cause death if not responsive to treatment.

I have cared for people who were admitted with sudden onset alcoholic hepatitis after a drinking episode that was more than their ‘usual’. People who had no signs of liver disease beforehand - suddenly acutely unwell and needing a lifesaving liver transplant which they ultimately never receive because as someone who drinks excessively, they are the bottom of the transplant list and almost always die before a new liver is found. Most transplant lists require a 6 month period alcohol abstinence before you can even be listed for a transplant.

I have watched people in their late 40s admitted with sudden onset symptoms who are so acutely unwell that they die a couple of weeks later in hospital with their children and spouses in such emotional distress because they did not think that their family members drinking was a concern.

Posters saying that OP should just ‘carry on if they enjoy it’ are absolutely deluded to think that this level of drinking can be maintained indefinitely with no consequences.

Mammyloveswine · 12/04/2023 23:28

Op my username will give you a clue as to my enjoyment of wine...

I can easily drink a bottle of wine over an evening and be unaffected... if I'm out with the girls I can drink 2 and whilst I'll definitely be merry I don't usually have a hangover..

However, it is not healthy... I've drank more this week as I'm off work but I try not to drink through the week (I will have the odd glass if for example I meet a friend for dinner after work or if it's been a particularly trying day!) but i buy the mini bottles.

I don't keep wine in the house (like I don't keep chocolate in or crisps!) because if I know it's there I want it!

So I now make a conscious effort to only buy what I'm going to drink... eg a mini bottle so I ll have just the one and when it's gone, it's gone! (I'll buy a full size bottle on a Friday night!).

For me op it becomes a habit so now I have something else I like drinking eg peppermint tea!

JudgeRudy · 13/04/2023 03:05

If a partner/family member/friend has suggested you might have a drink problem why might that be?
If you are wondering yourself, why might that be.
You are asking this question for a reason.
Maybe you feel you are being 'accused' when you know there's not a problem
Maybe you are questioning your own habits
The best way to find out is to see what happens when you don't have a drink 'to relax' yourself. How agitated are you 'unmedicated'? Once stressed can you relax or does it ramp up each passing hour? Can you sleep without drinking? Do you wake up half way through the night? Do you say 'I could go without a drink of course, but why should I, I enjoy a drink and I'm not harming myself or anyone else'...do you feel angry at having to proove yourself?

Try it. Buy some alcohol free wine so it's not obvious and see what happens.

Changeau · 13/04/2023 06:39

and needing a lifesaving liver transplant which they ultimately never receive because as someone who drinks excessively, they are the bottom of the transplant list and almost always die before a new liver is found. Most transplant lists require a 6 month period alcohol abstinence before you can even be listed for a transplant

All your information is very interesting and correct but I must say the first part of this paragraph is slightly misleading. People who have damaged their livers through alcohol are not necessarily put at the bottom of the list - once they have completed the 6 months abstinence they will be listed in order of need like anyone else (I've spent the last 6 months helping someone during and after an alcohol related transplant).

SkyandSurf · 13/04/2023 06:50

There are diagnostic tests online for this sort of thing.

It's an unhealthy amount of wine.

Would it be difficult for you to stop?

Alana1983 · 13/04/2023 07:00

Everyone else has hit the nail on the head re it's whether you can stop.

i suspect you're drinking a bottle at least, possibly more. Because 3 large glasses total a bottle at least (maybe not measured glasses but at home measures, for sure) and I think a bottle sounds more so you've probably chosen not to say that, whether that's for our benefit or self denial I don't know.

What worries me is that you describe it relaxes you so are justifying it. You need to reduce your consumption and develop other habits or hobbies which you find relaxing.

I breastfed for years and I'd drink other drinks in a wine glass whilst cooking as I enjoyed a glass of wine whilst cooking and sometimes it's the act of lifting that glass so maybe try some tricks like that

also people can have a drink problem without being an alcoholic. My ex hasn't drunk at all for years because he was a terrible binge drinker and was an ass when drunk so just decided to quit. I'd argue he has a problem with alcohol as it completely changed his personality. But he's not an alcoholic as could go for weeks or months even without drinking.

alcoholics are dependant and often require medical attention to quit, it sounds more like it's becoming an issue for you and you need to address it before it's 2/3 bottles a night.

dentydown · 13/04/2023 07:14

Probably not good for your liver. Is there anything you can do to replace it a few times a week and just have it on the weekend. Put the money you would save on wine during the week in a jar… see how much you get in 3 months.

if you can go wine free for a few days and not constantly think about the booze, you should be fine.

puttingontheritz · 13/04/2023 07:17

Starred7 · 12/04/2023 20:02

Not if you’re French

Big problem with alcoholism here in France, especially in rural areas. People who do drink every day and don't have a problem, and I know a few, I have seen are just drinking what in the UK would be seen as half a glass. Not three UK size glasses.

dottiedodah · 13/04/2023 07:25

I think we all have a picture in our head of a "wino" passed out on the bench,incoherent and unable to function.Realistically there are more people similar to you ,who manage day to day and no one would suspect your close RL with a bottle! Your liver is being damaged as it takes time to repair itself.Its up to you of course ,but you have an unhealthy RL with Alcohol to say the least