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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not give my 3 year old dd a huge nursery party?

38 replies

mummyloveslucy · 14/02/2008 19:04

My daughter will be 3 soon, and we've decided to have a nice relaxed birthday tea at home with one little friend and her parents. Lucy isn't good with huge groups of people, she gets overwhelmed and just wants to sit with us and not join in anything. It is her birthday after all so it should be spent doing things that make her happy.
The problem is all the girls from the nursery have big party's and invite everyone. They hire halls or soft play centres, some even hire clowns, bouncy castles etc. One of the Mums said to me recently, your daughters birthday is soon. Where will you have her party? When I explained that she wouldn't be having one as such, she seemed quite shocked. I don't want to be the talk of the nursery for rebelling against the party idea, but at the end of the day it would be a huge waste of money for somthing that was just to show off to others. I want her to grow up finding happiness in simple things rather than thinking you have to spend loads. Maybe next year I might brave it.(if that's what she wants.)Am I doing the right thing?

OP posts:

Twiglett · 14/02/2008 19:05

yes you are

needmorecoffee · 14/02/2008 19:05

I think you have the right idea. Enjoy.

themildmanneredjanitor · 14/02/2008 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twiglett · 14/02/2008 19:06

sometimes people are so right in what they're doing there's no discussion to be had

meemar · 14/02/2008 19:07

Of course you are doing the right thing if it is best for your dd and you.

Let the others mums gossip. None of the other children will even notice!

saadia · 14/02/2008 19:07

I think you are being totally reasonable.

Nappyzone · 14/02/2008 19:07

Yes absolutley. The cost of them you ould have a nice family holiday!!

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 14/02/2008 19:10

Thanks everyone, I think I care too much about what people think.

OP posts:

posieflump · 14/02/2008 19:12

crumbs I thought at first Twig et al were saying OP was being unreasonable!!

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 14/02/2008 19:12

The family holiday bit sounds good, and a great excuse for not having a party. "Sorry, we'll be away".

OP posts:

posieflump · 14/02/2008 19:12

you sound like me
dh will say no, no party etc which deep down is what I want to say
but I fear being the talk of the playground too

babbi · 14/02/2008 19:14

thank goodness - another mum with lots of common sense !! I am also a party rebel !!
YANBU

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 14/02/2008 19:23

My friend at the nursery wasn't going to have a party for hers either, but gave in to the pressure and said "oh well just a small one maybe". (yer right!!)
I'm being stubborn though and sticking by my guns.
I'll just go and collect my dd from school with a sticker on my head saying Cheep Skate!!

OP posts:

ChasingSquirrels · 14/02/2008 19:29

I purposefully booked our holiday for when ds1 turned 3 so no party. And he only got a few small cars and a couple of books from us as I wasn't carting presents abroad.
He started planning his 4th from around 6mo before! I think he went to a few in the months after he tured 3 and realised he hadn't had one.
His 4th and 5th have both been small (5 guests and 7 guests respectively) at home, pass the parcel, games, treasure hunt, tea, type parties - with no party bags.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 14/02/2008 19:36

A Mum I know decided not to give party bags at her sons party, only to find the kids all lined up at the door when it was leaving time, waiting for their party bags.
You'd have thought the food, the games and the fact that they'd trashed the house would be enough of a gift. But apparently they need a bag of crud to take home as well these days.

OP posts:

Alambil · 14/02/2008 19:59

My DS's first "proper" party was his 5th...

Your idea is brilliant - she will love it and sod the other parents; they are weird spending so much money on such little kids!

micegg · 14/02/2008 20:04

I think its only right that you do whats right for her. If she isnt going to enjoy a party than its goos that you are not doing one.

PotPourri · 14/02/2008 20:05

Defintaely doing the right thing. I think they are still too young at 3 to be too bothered. In fact DD1 only 'got' the whole presents thing properly at her 3rd bday, so that was exciting enough for her!

Try not to get into justifying yourself, it will make you feel and look like you are trying to defend something that is wrong.

islandofsodor · 14/02/2008 20:06

My ds was 4 this week and we had his arty at home on Sunday woith just one friend from nursery, his sister and his 2 cousins.

He isn;t good in large groups and he tends to run and hide. He loved his party, was so proud of it being his birthday and that M was coming. Everyone I spoke to at nursery totally understood my reasons for keeping it small.

I tried to persuade ds to have more children but he was adamant, NO.

He hates bouncy castles, dd had one in my parent's garden and he ran off hysterical.

YANBU.

AbbeyA · 14/02/2008 20:07

Don't give in mummyloveslucy, it is your DDs birthday-do what suits her!

beckystaffs · 14/02/2008 20:10

You are being perfectly reasonable- friends of mine had a joint birthday party for their ds and dd when they turneed 3 at a soft play centre.
They invited 40 kids from the nursery, only 5 turned up!! (my dd1 was one of them and she was completely overwhelmed by it and stayed by my side the whole time).
I felt really sorry for both mums, who had put so much effort into the party (they had to presume al were coming even though they'd had very few r.s.v.p's back)- it was such a waste. luckily both the birthday boy and girl had a nice time - it was only their parents who were upset

slng · 14/02/2008 20:14

DS1 was four last month. We had very small party at home - 2 of his friends with accompanying grown-ups. He enjoyed his party, we enjoyed his party! Everybody happy. In fact he usually stipulates "not a lot of people" whenever any parties are mentioned.

Who invented party bags anyway? What's happened to giving and not always expecting to get anything in return!?

Very-short-rant over.

sdr · 14/02/2008 20:21

YANBU - 3 year olds are barely older than babies. Perhaps she could take something into nursery (cupcakes always go down well) instead. I don't do parties (apart from family and a close friend or two) before they start school. Has never been a problem.

PortAndLemon · 14/02/2008 20:54

Sounds perfectly fine to me (although we hired a room at the local leisure centre that came complete with bouncy castle for DS's third birthday and you definitely couldn't have had a nice family holiday for what it cost).

If your DD wouldn't enjoy a party, why have one? DS would and did love a party and is faintly obsessed with bouncy castles, so we did have one. Nothing unreasonable at all in what you're doing.

lovecat · 15/02/2008 13:49

DD is three tomorrow (yay!) and is having the huge nursery party, church hall, bouncy castle, with 20 kids coming and twice as many adults(wah!).

However, she ADORES parties (perhaps she's related to your DS, port&lemon!) and has been going on and on and on about her birthday party since she went to her friend's party in November... if a big bash wasn't her thing, we too would be doing the small family gathering (although with DH's extended family that's 20 people before you blink...gaaaah!)

Don't worry about what other peeps think, you know your child and what they would/wouldn't like. Have a great time!

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