Would this annoy you?

[BirthdayAnnoyance]

Venting here. NC obvs. Typing furiously instead of reacting which I think is key to maintaining familial relations

My SIL (Dh's sister, total twerp) has yet again got my birthday wrong. She does this every year. The day before my birthday sends a happy birthday text. Every. Year. She says 'oops haha have I got it wrong again? hahah' It's been DECADES.

FFS I haven't responded yet. Shall I say anything? Shall I ignore? Suck it up and thank her (again)?

To top it off, she's told DH that for her birthday present from us she wants some of my work (I make nice stuff). I can guarantee you that there is no birthday present from her to me, just that shitty text a day early. As usual.

Oh wise mumsnetters, wwyd? Everything I want to do I know I'll look like the twerp. I would like her to feel ashamed and never do it again and me to come off as an angel. I know it's such a small thing, but this is classic PA from her. Imagine this sort of shit all through the year. If I say anything I look like the arsehole.

Say absolutely nothing except thank you. Then make her something really shit for her birthday anf give it to her on the wrong day. Then go LC, let your DH handle anything to do with her in future

Thank her then get her birthday a day wrong too. Make a family tradition of it!

And don't make her anything nice. Perhaps something tacky instead!

I dont think it's a big deal getting the wrong birthday every year. Sometimes the wrong date becomes programmed into your mind because it's what you initially thought. It's no big deal!

You're really furious because of this text a day early? 🙈

I couldn't get too upset over this tbh. The thought is there at least.

I'd ask your dh to deal with his sister and ignore her entirely.

I wouldn't make her anything for her birthday.

Rude.

and I wouldn’t make her anything.

It wouldn't annoy me but I don't think that would be the average response. I wouldn't even expect a birthday card/present/text unless I was close to that person. My former SIL (ex's sister) was also my friend so I'd be hurt if she forgot. I rarely acknowledge my BILs (sisters husband) birthday. I vaguely remember what month it is. If it was a milestone birthday thats different. I'd expect to give or recieve a card and finances allowing, a small present either on the actual day or at 'the party'.
Bearing in mind she doesn't buy you a gift, if your OH wants to get his sister a gift and you feel that strongly charge him, particularly if it's a bespoke gift eg with her name on it.
Let's see if you get another text or card tomorrow. BTW, how does you BIL (your OHs brother) generally acknowledge your birthday?

I think you are massively overreacting. I'd just say 'thanks' and move on with my day. If she's still getting it wrong at this point, she probably always will and does it really matter?

It's been decades though
No thought whatsoever given or she'd get the bloody date right
I'd be a child and just text back 'yes'
Let you dh sort out a gift
It's a low level irrigation that would annoy me too

A simple 'thank you' will suffice - it'll either irritate her if she's being PA or it's polite if she genuinely gets the date wrong.

I'd give her a gift of a similar value and type to what she gets for you. She gets you nothing? .....

Definitely don’t make her anything for her birthday. If she asks, just say you thought you didn’t do birthday presents.

Does she get your DH a birthday present? If so, he needs to sort her a present not you.

ignore her, charge your DH the full selling price of whatever it is you make if he wants to give her a gift.
She gets nothing from you

It's obviously stuck in her brain as the day before for some reason. It's a complete non-issue.

I couldn’t care, after decades I’d probably laugh about it now

Obviously there is thought or OP wouldnt hear from her!

I have a friend whose exact birthday I just cannot remember, I never know if it’s the 22nd or 23rd. We’ve been friends over 20 years but I just cannot remember for sure, I will second guess myself and am never sure which it is. The only way I can get it right is by checking her birthday on Facebook, if she ever removed that info I would probably get it wrong each year. I’m usually really good at remembering birthdays, I know most people’s even people I’m not close to but I just have a bit of a blind spot when it comes to hers despite us being close and me having been to numerous birthday parties of hers over the years. Honestly, for the sake of one day though does it really matter? She’s close enough and the thought is there, it’s not like she’s ignoring it but sometimes a birthday just won’t stick in your head.

Block her number - she's not your sister - and move on. Don't make her anything for her birthday. Let your husband deal with her. She sounds like a stupid immature idiot.

It's nice that she's eager to say happy birthday to you. It's also nice that she values your work.

So what's making you feel the way you do about her?

Just reply with yes or yes it is. I can see why it would annoy you, unfortunately she will prob do it again next year. regarding the present I dont receive anything of dh's bro. I don't get him a present, if dh wants to get his bro a present he can but I don't bother. I wouldn't bother making her anything. I no people will say you should get her a present anyway but how long do you keep giving and she can't even be bothered to get your day right

Thank her tomorrow and don’t send a gift for hers, but be enough of the bigger person to wish her a happy birthday on her birthday.

Really interesting... BIL (DH's brother) ignores everyone's birthday. He doesn't live in this country though, and we hardly hear from him so he's off the radar...

Re. the present, in the past I have got her presents and she hasn't reciprocated so I stopped. Now she's specifically asked for some of my work, which is why it's a bit weird. We had established a no gift policy.

There is so much PA shit going on here though, this is the tip of the iceberg. And it gets to the point where if it were anyone else I wouldn't give it a second thought, but with her....

It's the pettiness. Of course it's no big deal. If it were a good friend, we'd laugh

I have no idea when my in laws birthdays are. I do well to remember my own immediate family.

I'm impressed at your SIL remembering yo text.

But thanks for the thread cause I need to check if a niece has a B day soon.

Wait until your birthday then text back thanks.

send her a text the day before her birthday and don’t give her a gift! She’s a cheeky bugger!