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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would this annoy you?

46 replies

BirthdayAnnoyance · 11/04/2023 19:07

Venting here. NC obvs. Typing furiously instead of reacting which I think is key to maintaining familial relations

My SIL (Dh's sister, total twerp) has yet again got my birthday wrong. She does this every year. The day before my birthday sends a happy birthday text. Every. Year. She says 'oops haha have I got it wrong again? hahah' It's been DECADES.

FFS I haven't responded yet. Shall I say anything? Shall I ignore? Suck it up and thank her (again)?

To top it off, she's told DH that for her birthday present from us she wants some of my work (I make nice stuff). I can guarantee you that there is no birthday present from her to me, just that shitty text a day early. As usual.

Oh wise mumsnetters, wwyd? Everything I want to do I know I'll look like the twerp. I would like her to feel ashamed and never do it again and me to come off as an angel. I know it's such a small thing, but this is classic PA from her. Imagine this sort of shit all through the year. If I say anything I look like the arsehole.

OP posts:

GoodChat · 11/04/2023 19:40

Tell DH to just tell her you don't do sibling gifts anymore but she's welcome to place an order with you for £X

AIIie · 11/04/2023 19:42

BirthdayAnnoyance · 11/04/2023 19:33

Re. the present, in the past I have got her presents and she hasn't reciprocated so I stopped. Now she's specifically asked for some of my work, which is why it's a bit weird. We had established a no gift policy.

There is so much PA shit going on here though, this is the tip of the iceberg. And it gets to the point where if it were anyone else I wouldn't give it a second thought, but with her....

It's the pettiness. Of course it's no big deal. If it were a good friend, we'd laugh

So it's clearly nothing to do with the text, and everything to do with everything other than the text.

Original poster

BirthdayAnnoyance · 11/04/2023 19:47

Yes

Venting on here has helped though and I will thank her

OP posts:

CharlotteStreetW1 · 11/04/2023 19:52

I totally forgot my SIL's birthday this year - and she's lovely 😳

dozydoo · 11/04/2023 20:16

What do you make op?

LittleMG · 11/04/2023 20:17

please make her something really shit

Eggseggseverywhere · 11/04/2023 20:19

Send her an empty gift box. When she rings tinkly laugh you forgot to put the gift in...

Picassa · 11/04/2023 20:21

Just make light of it “thank you, you’re eager as always- it’s not until tomorrow ha!” Something along them lines- you’ve let her know but kept it friendly. I know it must be annoying af but I wouldn’t lose sleep over it. Also, if she gets you nothing then that’s 100% what she’d be getting- naff all.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 11/04/2023 20:25

Just say 'oh I think the 'no gifts' thing we have going on has worked well, let's not change it'. And point her in the direction of your website (if you have one to sell your work)

Weallgottachangesometime · 11/04/2023 20:25

I don’t even know what month my SIL birthday is and I am terrible for mixing up birthdays.

However if you think she does it on purpose, as a sly annoyance, then I’d probably just ignore the text completely.

Don’t buy/make her a gift obviously. If she asks why tell her the same reason she didn’t buy you one.

CheersForThatEh · 11/04/2023 20:30

Just say no? "Touched that you would think of my work of but I'm not making much at the moment/swamped with paid orders, so chocs will have to do haha".

UsingChangeofName · 11/04/2023 20:31

Of course it's no big deal. If it were a good friend, we'd laugh

You've answered yourself here.
It really isn't something I could get worked up over.
This is nothing to do with the text on the wrong date.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 11/04/2023 20:33

YABU

UnicornsHaveDadsToo · 11/04/2023 20:35

My mother was a ceramics artist and she would make amazing presents for me for milestone events with the date of the event on, for example she made me a whole set of things for my 30th birthday with the date of my 30th birthday on, a set of stuff for me and my wife for our wedding with our wedding date on.

Make something for your SIL, put a date on it, but make the date a day before her birthday.

Weallgottachangesometime · 11/04/2023 20:36

UnicornsHaveDadsToo · 11/04/2023 20:35

Make something for your SIL, put a date on it, but make the date a day before her birthday.

Oh my lord. I change my answer. This is better 😂

GoodChat · 11/04/2023 20:38

Eggseggseverywhere · 11/04/2023 20:19

Send her an empty gift box. When she rings tinkly laugh you forgot to put the gift in...

Hahaha! I like this!

Murdoch1949 · 12/04/2023 00:45

Thanking someone for a text, on the incorrect day, that took 15 seconds. Why bother. I would not let her have one of my lovingly crafted products. She'd probably criticise it, complain about it, not value it.

StagsLeap · 12/04/2023 00:56

I have no idea what month my four SILs’ birthdays are, and I’m very fond of them. I would only send a text if DH or someone reminded me. I don’t know when my best friend’s birthday is to within a couple of weeks. I’ve known all these people for the best part of three decades.

I genuinely don’t get the ire.

WandaWonder · 12/04/2023 01:19

I would probably roll my eyes and move on, I don't need drama when there is no need it is not a hobby

nigelthornberry69 · 12/04/2023 01:23

She sounds like a pain in the ass but probably an immature one? Let your DH handle presents and ignore her/vent safely. Personally I think that although when you get together you sign cards from the both of you, present responsibility still remains with the person who's family it is. e.g. a card would be signed from you both but getting her a gift if he wants to is DH problem not yours and that's fine. You're not obliged to give her free stuff just cos she's family and she thinks she can get away with being a bit rude on purpose if she's strategic about it.

I am glad you enjoyed venting :')

Scienceadvisory · 12/04/2023 01:26

If the SIL cared then she would put a reminder or note in her phone for the correct date then she wouldn't keep getting it wrong. It just comes across as a passive aggressive dig.

I would rather have no acknowledgement than someone get the date wrong year in year out. Its like when people buy you a gift of something you don't like/can't use etc. It just shows utter thoughtlessness.

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