Want to be a Sahm again

[Missingthenorth]

I always enjoyed working, worked part time as a teen, then through college and Uni and then full time and some weekends up until I had Dd at 39.
I was fortunate enough to be at home with her for four years, I threw myself into play dates and meet ups and thoroughly enjoyed being able to go places in the day and take our time (It was v hard at times and boring & lonely at times too) but overall I was v grateful for it. We got by, no more travel away or clothes for me or treats, but Dd had all she wanted and needed.
She started Pre school part time and I started working again…since then it just feels rubbish, everything is such a bad rush, I feel like I’ve only added to everything as in now I do all I did before (which was pretty much everything else) plus now I work and do all drop offs
I really miss the time it was just us, the days we do have together I’m doing food shopping and the washing, cleaning etc
I also have barely any ambition anymore or much interest in my career and in all honesty, the extra money is a good amount but I can’t see anything extra for it
Anyone lucky enough to be a Sahm, especially if the kids are out of the house at some point, it really must be living the dream!

Can you afford it and would your DP/DH support it?

I too loved being a SAHM, we did everything but stay at home! It was great which I know is rare as most people I know couldn't wait to go back to work at some point. Now I'm working part time and it's definitely the best of both worlds. It gives me a routine, extra bit of money but also means the afternoons are much slower and I can do life admin jobs so that when I pick the children up from school I can be present again.

If you can afford it, then great, maybe consider doing it until she’s at school. There are multiple benefits to working even part time like pension contributions, sick leave, career progression etc (even if you don’t feel that career motivated now, you may do so in the future).

@Ifyoudreamofsanddunes I just find it a big rush and almost the worst of both worlds, there’s no relaxing at all as it’s either work or looking after Dd/doing chores etc..I don’t think this was the way it was meant to be

@Lcb123 The pension part is the main reason why tbh, if that was all
sorted and paid for I wouldn’t be as worried about work

@AnneLovesGilbert We can just about, but not sure I could put into a pension etc, which I want to do. I think once she’s full time, he’d wonder why I wasn’t working

How many days are you working?

Could you change your career? Something you'd prefer to do or work from home?

How much is your DH doing?

Surely since you've gone back to work he's picked up 50% of the housework, cooking, childcare, school run, mental load etc?

If not, that's your problem.

What's your work pattern and what kind of work are you doing?

@Newnamenewname109870 4-5 mornings per week (some weekends)

@StopMindlesslyScrolling I think that is a big part of the problem

Are you planning to stick to just mornings when your daughter starts school? Will that give you a bit more time?

I don’t know if it’s just being tired 😫I never felt like this about work before dd

Did anyone else just lose all interest after having dc or maybe it’s my age

I think it's the most boring lifestyle ever. But even if you enjoyed it and your partner agrees there are still drawacks which I am sure you are aware of. But if you are overwhelmed with chores get a cleaner and eat out more.

@Aturnipforthebooks I think I will maybe be expected,…nobody has said they expect me to, maybe I just expect myself to go full time, as the time is now there

For me,being a sahm is the best job in the world for me and my whole family.
My husband's career made it possible and he agreed he wanted me home with them as well. Kiddos are older and I still feel very strongly about being here for them.
Best job in the world,for me.

Good luck to you OP,I hope everything works out how you want it to😊

I'd love to be a SAHM but I wouldn't want to sacrifice a decent lifestyle for it. We have an ok balance, I wish we could work less but right now we are both full time and earn well. We are saving, having holidays and trips while the kids still want to come with us, we live for those moments. We enjoy concerts, meals out, lots of great things as a family. We personally wouldn't sacrifice that to be at home while the kids are in school anyway! We just make really good use of our evenings and weekends and annual leave.

@SpringBringsTornadoes What do you do about your pension? State and private? This is my main worry

I hear you, OP. I have been back at work (full time, part time isn't possible in my school) for 4 years and I am so overwhelmed with everything. Yes, I have school holidays but I spent Easter weekend catching up on sleep and winding down as I worked so hard since January...

I resent spending my week day nights planning and marking, and weekends cleaning and catching up on jobs. But, am scared about my pension so can't afford to stop.

And my kids are quickly approaching the age where I am not as cool as their friends...

I need to win the lottery. (But I also tell myself that I am setting a good example for the kids about working hard and taking pride in your work. Let's see how they feel about it when they are adults)

Yes!! I was a sahm but we didnt have money. I miss it so much.

Why are you still doing everything at home?

Do you have one of those husbands who wants you to parent and run the house like you don’t have a job, but also earn like you’re not a parent?

If so, that’s your problem.

@squidwid Looking back I should have appreciated it more, I took on basically everything else but the earning money part for the first time, but it was worth it for the time and flexibility. Before Dd and when younger, it sounded like my idea of hell and I swore I’d always work…but I even enjoyed meeting with pals with kids, coffees out, playgroups..just all the things I thought would be very dull. Maybe it’s because I had her late and spent lots of years working

@washinwashoutrepeat I feel for you…I’m a teacher and I seriously cannot see how I could return to traditional full time class teaching, no way. It was hard before Dd but I obviously had lie ins and weekends and evenings to relax…it’s a whole other ball game with children, I take my hat off to people doing it all as it’s so hard

@AIIie Hopefully I’ll start to see some real benefits to the extra money soon, at the moment it just feels like it’s more to go on the bills.