Want to be a Sahm again

[Missingthenorth]

I always enjoyed working, worked part time as a teen, then through college and Uni and then full time and some weekends up until I had Dd at 39.
I was fortunate enough to be at home with her for four years, I threw myself into play dates and meet ups and thoroughly enjoyed being able to go places in the day and take our time (It was v hard at times and boring & lonely at times too) but overall I was v grateful for it. We got by, no more travel away or clothes for me or treats, but Dd had all she wanted and needed.
She started Pre school part time and I started working again…since then it just feels rubbish, everything is such a bad rush, I feel like I’ve only added to everything as in now I do all I did before (which was pretty much everything else) plus now I work and do all drop offs
I really miss the time it was just us, the days we do have together I’m doing food shopping and the washing, cleaning etc
I also have barely any ambition anymore or much interest in my career and in all honesty, the extra money is a good amount but I can’t see anything extra for it
Anyone lucky enough to be a Sahm, especially if the kids are out of the house at some point, it really must be living the dream!

I'm in the US so I know it works differently...But there are different ways to recieve retirement (or like) without bringing in income.Also my husband has been saving for years for me as well as a healthy life insurance policy.There are other things too,his company is very generous.

@SpringBringsTornadoes You're very lucky!
We own our house with only a fairly small Payment left, I don’t think selling and the sizing will be enough though.

This.

Idk if I explained that well enough!
Hopefully you get the jist of what I meant.

@SpringBringsTornadoes For retirement I mean

Peri menopause hit me hard around early 40s. Didn't even realise until work friends were talking about menopause

I think it’s really normal to feel nostalgic about being at home with your small children and apprehensive about going back to work at this point but it doesn’t mean being a SAHM long term is a good idea.

Beyond the first few years it’s fairly disastrous for your financial wellbeing both as a family and in the event of having to go it alone it’s incredibly risky: it’s one thing as a temporary solution when you have very little ones, not really a sustainable long term gameplan.

It sounds like you enjoyed it very much, some women find it difficult and limiting but this doesn’t apply to you now. But you have to play the long game. Five, ten years from now you may feel very different about it and you would really regret limiting your options unnecessarily if you did wake up one morning and want to go back to work.

I would do something to keep your hand in.

I think it's better to work full days and have some days off to get the boring stuff done. If I was you, when she starts school I'd just jog my hours about working three 9-3 days and having 2 off.

Idk what you are hankering after is gone now - I find most people work and hardly meet people in the day now and I'd rather not be skint.

I found working half days and picking kids up pretty rubbish.

I thought this would be the easiest way
I googled "How does a sahp recieve retirement".

Simply put, a spousal IRA enables a stay-at-home husband or wife to set up a retirement account in their own name. As long as one person in your household brings home a paycheck and you file a joint tax return, you're good to go! When setting up a spousal IRA, you have a choice between a traditional and a Roth IRA.

Oh don't, you'll set me off! Currently on my second (and final!) mat leave. DD is 6 months old and I'm going back to work in October - I am LOVING it and it feels as though it is going by so quickly and I'll miss it so much. My first mat leave was during covid so felt a bit robbed. Making the most of this one as much as I can as I know it'll be my last!

I love being a SAHM.

With my older DCs i did the whole parenting and working all hours (4 jobs at once at one time), scrimping and scraping and still only just getting by. Did it for when with XH.

FF 15 years and 2nd marriage and young DC4, DH earns enough for me not to have to work, and would rather i didn't, but he leaves it up to me. Older DCs and my elderly mum all live with us too. We have a v big house and garden and i run it and look after everyone in it and - although i sometimes think i should want to go back to work - i just don't!

Recently i did in fact do some studying and over came the long break from the work place. I interviewed well and managed to win the specific job i was after (because of this feeling that i should) but everybody hated me being at work, including me, and so i left. Back to being a SAHM, everyone happy !

Then you need to talk to the father of your DC about stepping up and doing 50:50'of the work involved.

If you can afford it, yes, become a sahm again. I do not regret the sacrifices I made, don’t even really consider them sacrifices I didn’t even have to agonize over it, to be with my child as long as I could. What doesn’t sink in for mothers of little ones because of all the work, constant activity, frustration, legos all over the floor, etc is that the time of your children being young truly goes by in a flash. I mean, it passes in a twinkling of an eye. I didn’t fully realize it myself. People tried to tell me, and I thought I understood, but it’s faster than you think.

Are you planning to have any more kids? Another 4 years and then go back?

If you're claiming child benefit your get ni credits towards state pension until they're 11. You need 35 years contributions for a full state pension.

Well put!

I understand how you feel OP. I have been a SAHM since my first child was born 10 years ago. None of our families live in the UK, so it is just us.

When my younger one finally setted in school, I considered going back to work, but if I want to work in a professional job like I had before, it requires me to work full time without much flexibility. If I choose to work a more casual / flexible part time job then the additional income seems very petty compared with what we have already.

My husband and I discussed about this together. Working part time with a bit more money doesnt seem to be worth it for us. Hubby has a good salary, we are comfortable with one income. Just to make it clear as a lot of people on MN seem to have problems with SAHMs getting benefits, we have never qualified for any sort of benefits including child benefits from day 1. In fact he pays more taxes with only one salary than same amount as combined income.

Right now, I can do all the school runs. I can take them to afterschool sports and music lessons. I also spend time making sure they do a bit language learning (we are not British) and instrument practise everyday. We can choose to have a family holiday (specially going abroad to see grandparents from both sides) rather than spliting annual leaves to fit school holidays around. If I were to start a full time job all those wouldnt be possible.

During week days I do all the shopping and laundry, cleaning and meal preparation. I also cook lunch everyday for hubby because he is working from home full time. I usually get a bit rest after lunch. I can sit down and have a cup of coffee and read a book, this is pretty much my only free time. Once the kids are out of school, I will be busy until they are in bed. Occasionally I could catch up with a friend in the morning for a coffee or lunch, but this is really a once a month thing rather than the usual.

Of course I dont have to send them to extra lessons and I dont have to cook lunch everyday, but for us it is a personal choice and an agreement we are both happy with. Hubby really appreciates what I do and knows he wouldnt have progressed his career as much if I wasnt there to take care of the rest. We have a happy and solid marriage too. As for pension, hubby has both state and private pensions. We own a house abroad and are in the process to buy another house here. By the time he retires, we would have extra rental income to top up. We also have life insurance if anything happens to him I will get a big lum sum payment.

I think before you decide to become a SAHM you need to plan for it. If its something you are both happy with and can afford to do so, I dont see any reason why not.Good luck!

@Missingthenorth.. Of course it's entirely natural to redress life values when you have had a dc!
Of course usual material rubbish doesn't seem to matter as much when you have a small person relying on you.

I dislike how in all these discussions on mn there is an attitude that ta"king a small amount of time out is "catastrophic"

We usually work from 15 years old until 60s or later

Is taking about 7 years out to raise dc really that catastrophic?

Some people literally cannot afford to take any time out which is really sad. Some people say they can't afford too but they can.
Some people need to escape their children. Some people cut back on everything they can to be at home for a few years.

For people who want to be at home more and there is wiggle room financially that's great

Op it flies by and so fast they are independent and they don't need you as much..

Just a tad unhelpful. 🙄

I don’t think eating out is going to help with saving money and looking after a child.

It agree with this post entirely. We only have one life. Mumsnet is pretty aggressive about sahm. Do what works for you!