Worried myself with shouting at the kids

[alxixi]

I'm having on going issues with the neighbours potentially my housing officer (council house) was out at their house for an hour ish.

During that time I shouted at the kids. My second oldest who's 4 kept screaming about the tv so I said stop making that noise and said it in a loud but firm way a few times. I said there's no reason. To make that noise now stop it.

Then I had left my 2 year old to have independent play in his room since he was happy to do so. He had done a poo and rubbed it into the carpet. I firmly told him no bad and out of the room so I could clean it. My oldest came in and I said go away from me since I was in overload

My second oldest was still moaning about the tv so I firmly said shut up and said it a few times.

Could this get me reported to social work?

Have you had any engagement with SW in the past?

What are the issues with the neighbours? Are they causing them, or are you?

There's more to this than you're saying - a housing officer wouldn't be involved for you telling off your children.

No housing officer is involved. They are bothered by the foot steps of the kids.

Never had social worker.

Health visitors and school have always said in a very good parent.

Only thing is my neighbours have it in for me (people think it's racially motivated)

None of that would warrant SS intervention.

Are you getting any support for you/your wellbeing? It may be helpful to look at ways to help when you're feeling really overwhelmed.

It hard to say without being there, it sounds ridiculous to think ss will get involved over a noisy footstep complaint and some children getting disciplined. But when you look at the facts, you’ve got a housing officer attending a meeting with a neighbour who must have made numerous complaints about you and your children. The officer stayed for an entire hour you say, I’ve phoned the actual police on my neighbours who were physically abusing their children, they were in their house a little over 10 minutes. I’m wondering what they were saying about you for an entire hour. It’s possible if you were making enough noise in that time that they decided to stay and monitor the noise so they could escalate to the next step, instead of the neighbour having to make multiple more complaints about you. During the time the officer was there, your very small children were screaming whilst you repeatedly shouted at them while arguing over the tv and them defecating and rubbing feces into the carpet. I have to say depending on what they heard, it doesn’t paint a good picture during the very small window the officer was there listening to you. I’m not sure whether the next step would be potentially ss, or a potential threaten of eviction from the council. It IS concerning the way you seem to be dealing with normal behaviour from young children, no 2 and 4yo needs to be repeatedly yelled at for watching the telly and having an accident, despite how frustrated you must feel sometimes.

I have no problems with my neighbours children making noise, but I have huge issues with her shouting and swearing at them and have reported her to the NSPCC and council for that. For the Housing worker to be there an hour there's got to be more to it.

2 year olds are too young to be left unsupervised they do stupid things like cut their hair, stick fingers in sockets and poo on the carpet.

Instead of shouting at your child to stop shouting, why didn't you redirect them? Ask them why they were so upset? See if you can solve the problem or tell them they can watch whatever show at X o'clock. Make sure you give them lots of time to adjust before turning it off letting them know that after X show the TV is going to go off and we are going to do Y.

You can raise children without shouting at them. The best way to redirect and support de-esculate is to use your best calming audio book narrator voice, at the minute you are meeting them at their level and shouting back when you have to be calm and bring them down to yours.

If you get sensory overload then as the adult you need to put a fix in place, ear plugs, ear defenders, noise cancelling headphones for when they are really shouting whatever works for you.

Your 2 year old was left unsupervised for long enough to be able to do a poo, remove his nappy and smear it into the carpet? Sorry op but that there is a problem.

These comments are not normal.

2 years can be left alone for independent play I left him 2 mins. He doesn't wear nappies he potty trained and wanted to investigate his own poo. He's also 3 soon.

I don't normally raise my voice it was one of those days. I also didn't shout I said a I spoke firmly and in a way they'd know I meant it

Clearly this is a me being worried if I even raise my voice I'm damaging my children

Also I never shout. Downstairs shouts non stop at their children so they'd have a hard neck to complain about me. Also heard the dad downstairs on the phone offering his "15 year old son to stab someone" so I think my extent of "losing it" by saying firmly shut up won't be an issue to them. Tamed parenting probably

@Singleandproud I've never swore at my children nor shouted

@Lizzt2007 Google independent playing hes almost 3 I actually waited off to do it.

It takes under a min to poop and rub it in the carpet.

I also go by the theory I'd never shout at friends or family so why would I my kids

I made the mistake of saying shut up but it was done of those day and the worst I get. I'm just on edge because my neighbours are horrendous people who are out to get me again I said people think radically motivated because the kids are mixed race.

Why is your thread title about shouting?

I did use the word shouted in my original post but I didn't know how else to word that I said it strongly and firmly. I don't shout I was shouted at as a child and I don't really have much to do with my family as an adult

Look Op

You started the thread. My spidey senses tells my there’s a lot of background to this issue so really
no point posters commenting of you aren’t going to be honest 🤷‍♀️

Obviously SS aren't interested in somebody firmly asking their child to stop screaming. You know this.

It’s absolutely not acceptable to repeatedly tell your children to shut up. And if you weren’t shouting how would downstairs hear?

@Facem81 there's not other than I'm paranoid my neighbours who are harassing me will make things up

I've said the entire background. They have it in for me

If I made a peep of noise they tell the council. Council themselves have said it's ridiculous their complaints but have to follow.

I got the car wrong my housing officer is and has sided with me calling them sensitive tenants. He was not at their house. It was a similar car.

My neighbours are bullies who have done this to everyone above me to the extend the last tenant broke their windows and broke into their shed when they left because they made their live hell like they are mines.

I feel like if I do much as say "no don't do that" to my kids it's them on the phone saying I'm abusing them. I also look very young so I feel that's against me too.

There's no more to this other than if I do anything I'm complained about.

Police are involved too and sided with me warned them to levee me alone. I'm trying to get a harassment charge on them. They cut down my washing line, scare the kids. It's endless

@Mycatisfatafatcat paper thin walls. They don't do anything, it weird when they actually talk to each other cos I can almost word for word hear it

Im aware it's not okay to say shut up a few times. I apologised to them and explained how parents can sometimes get over stimulated too

Actually, you're incorrect. If it's an ongoing absolutely social services could be involved. It's classed as emotional abuse /possible neglect. (A 2 year old shouldn't be left unsupervised, literally anything could gappen) I would do a self referral for early help OP, it doesn't sound like your coping very well and I put money on it this isn't an isolated incident, you're concerned simply because the housing were next door. Let's jist say, the officer questions the neighbour about things, if they turn around and say yes there's regular screaming and shouting at thile children, they could in theory report it for further investigation, housing officers have a duty to safeguard and act on information given.

This is all so subjective as we haven't actually heard how you shouted or firmly spoke to your children. Repeated shouting and telling your children to shut up may well raise a safeguarding concern. If there haven't been any other previous concerns reported re your parenting it would be very unlikely to go any further. It is only when there have been a number of reports like this that they will be acted upon.

@MorrisZapp But when my downstairs neighbours are determined to make my life miserable surely they need to find something ANY little thing to justify the amount of complaints from them?

I know they will see it as malicious but surely at some point they must be like okay we will look into this.

They are cosy with another neighbour and got her to phone and complain about the kids playing. She admitted to it later on and apologised she just didn't want to upset them by not doing it (scared of them)

Being told to shut up is harmful to your children as is being shouted tbh. I think you know you were in the wrong, hence the post

@alxixi you seem to have all the answers so not sure what you want from people on here

@MissMaple82 Google independent play I was in the hall 2 seconds away. His room is baby proofed. Only baby toys all plugs are safe etc. maybe in the past it was said not to but now it is.

It is an isolated incident I never shout that's why I felt so guilty.

Lots of mums I've spoken to say their kids at 2-3 rubbed poop on the walls it's a development thing.