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Original poster

Not sure how to tell him my plans without looking nuts

47 replies

tablebug · 10/04/2023 13:03

Went on a yoga retreat thing overseas a week or so back and ended up having a bit of a holiday romance.

The guy I met wasn't from the U.K.

While we were on the retreat, he and some other attendees were talking about another retreat/instructor training thing that runs year round, in holiday romance's home town. Apparently it's really highly recommended.

I would love to go, but my window of available time is really limited and I'd have to go next month (this is the quiet time in my industry so the best time to do all my travel).

So now we've barely been home a few days. We've been in touch loads and have talked about meeting again this year, but nothing specific as we're both only just back. So I feel really embarrassed to tell him I've already booked to be in his home town next month.

Obviously it'd be a wonderful bonus if he was happy to hear it (I don't even know if he'll be in town as he travels a lot) but I am conscious of how it might appear.

How do I say "so...I'm actually going to be in XYZLand, practically walking distance from your house in May but I promise I'm not a stalker. Honest. Promise"???

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 10/04/2023 13:17

Just tell him. At the worst, he can clarify if he’s keen to see you again. Go on, be brave!

Original poster
tablebug · 10/04/2023 22:03

Cherrysoup · 10/04/2023 13:17

Just tell him. At the worst, he can clarify if he’s keen to see you again. Go on, be brave!

Eeeek. Do you think? I'm so conditioned to not feel over eager!

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 10/04/2023 22:06

Do it! What's the worst that can happen?!

Lindy2 · 10/04/2023 22:29

You just say " Hi, I've got a week off work next month before we hit our busy time of the year. I've decided to book that retreat we were all talking about. As it's near you, do you fancy meeting up while I'm there?"

All casual and non stalker like.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/04/2023 22:32

Say what @Lindy2 suggests and then let the chips fall where they may. The very worst that will happen is he doesn't respond. Have a lovely time on your retreat.

MiddleClassProblem · 10/04/2023 22:38

I would just say something like “I’ve booked x retreat for these dates. Obviously if you’re about if would be great to meet up but if not no worries.” Sort of thing but if whatever vernacular is natural to you. I would make sure there is the option of an out in it to not sound too stalkerish.

Original poster
tablebug · 11/04/2023 07:03

MiddleClassProblem · 10/04/2023 22:38

I would just say something like “I’ve booked x retreat for these dates. Obviously if you’re about if would be great to meet up but if not no worries.” Sort of thing but if whatever vernacular is natural to you. I would make sure there is the option of an out in it to not sound too stalkerish.

I think I'll have to do this and just brace myself for this response.

OP posts:
notacooldad · 11/04/2023 07:09

I did something similar once, not yoga but mountain biking,
The guy blocked me after I sent a message!

Original poster
tablebug · 11/04/2023 07:09

notacooldad · 11/04/2023 07:09

I did something similar once, not yoga but mountain biking,
The guy blocked me after I sent a message!

Oh man. I did NOT need to hear that Grin

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 11/04/2023 07:12

Cherrysoup · 10/04/2023 22:06

Do it! What's the worst that can happen?!

This. Tell him you booked it while on the first retreat but you understand if he's not going to be around.

youtwoandme · 11/04/2023 07:43

Pleeeaaasse let us know what he says Grin

Original poster
tablebug · 11/04/2023 09:33

youtwoandme · 11/04/2023 07:43

Pleeeaaasse let us know what he says Grin

Haven't been brave enough yet....

OP posts:
WeAreAllLionesses · 11/04/2023 09:41

It's more weird you haven't mentioned it to him if you've been talking a lot!

Companyofwolves · 11/04/2023 10:53

Why not say I booked this while on last retreat as it sounds amazing & obvs didn’t know we’d get together. So I’ll be there in x month just so you know. Not stalking you btw! But could be an opportunity to see each bother again - if you’re around. If not no worries.

Eatentoomanyroses · 11/04/2023 10:55

Say nothing. Let him push to make plans to see you.

Original poster
tablebug · 11/04/2023 11:43

Companyofwolves · 11/04/2023 10:53

Why not say I booked this while on last retreat as it sounds amazing & obvs didn’t know we’d get together. So I’ll be there in x month just so you know. Not stalking you btw! But could be an opportunity to see each bother again - if you’re around. If not no worries.

I wish I could do this but we spent so much time together that he definitely knows I hadn't booked it then.

OP posts:
IneedcoffeeinanIV · 11/04/2023 11:46

I think you should message. You'll only wonder what could have happened if you don't. Worst thing is that he doesn't reply/blocks you. If he does then obviously it's not meant to be

itsgettingweird · 11/04/2023 12:02

I'd send what Lindy suggested and hope you get a better response than notacooldad did!

But honestly - if he's a decent guy like you thought and think he'll meet up and if he wants this to become something he'll meet up. You aren't asking for marriage - just a coffee or glass of wine!

If he runs for the hills surely it's best to know in the next few weeks and a not a few months down the line?

Abouttoblow · 11/04/2023 12:40

Just attend the retreat/training and don't mention it to him and don't suggest meeting up.
You can then see how things go with him and he won't think you're a stalker.

maddy68 · 11/04/2023 12:43

Just say you have booked the next retreat and let him take it up from there if he wishes

BoneBrothByDayDonutByNight · 11/04/2023 12:47

I don't think I'd say anything until I was there. See if the romance has fizzled by then, and if it hasn't you'll likely be desperate to see each other anyway.

Genuine Q: would you be booking this if it wasn't his hometown? Just curious.

StagsLeap · 11/04/2023 12:50

Abouttoblow · 11/04/2023 12:40

Just attend the retreat/training and don't mention it to him and don't suggest meeting up.
You can then see how things go with him and he won't think you're a stalker.

In his shoes, I’d wonder why on earth someone I’d had a brief thing with and messaged regularly afterwards didn’t mention, throughout any of these conversations, that they had booked something that was going to bring them back to my hometown again not long after. I would certainly assume it was a clear message they weren’t interested.

AliceOlive · 11/04/2023 12:58

You could just tell him you thought the retreat sounded great and so you booked it. Don’t over explain and you don’t even need mention seeing him. If he wants to see you, he’ll absolutely ask. If he doesn’t then you don’t need to feel bad about it. Just go and enjoy the retreat.

Companyofwolves · 11/04/2023 13:07

tablebug · 11/04/2023 11:43

I wish I could do this but we spent so much time together that he definitely knows I hadn't booked it then.

Show quote history

Oh ok! Is the yoga thing in a different country ie in his home country? Or on a different town to you but his hometown in the UK?

When he was discussing it at time of retreat did he say he was going or just saying how good it was?

Why not just say hey you know the yoga thing in x country/town you were talking about? Well I got back & had yoga blues & have decided to book it up! Are you going this year? Let me know if you’ll be around - no hassle if not tho!

All of the above is if you’re really ok with a casual thing - if you do want to know if he’d like to meet again it wld be better to ask Ime. Playing casual is draining & always wondering where you stand while telling yourself it’s all cool bcos it’s well casual 😬

wordler · 11/04/2023 13:08

Text something like - I’ve decided to do that retreat you were talking about as it sounded so great but just waiting to see what time I can get off work.

Then a few days later text to say looks like the only time I can get off work is next month or I’ll have to wait until next year.

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