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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not sure how to tell him my plans without looking nuts

47 replies

tablebug · 10/04/2023 13:03

Went on a yoga retreat thing overseas a week or so back and ended up having a bit of a holiday romance.

The guy I met wasn't from the U.K.

While we were on the retreat, he and some other attendees were talking about another retreat/instructor training thing that runs year round, in holiday romance's home town. Apparently it's really highly recommended.

I would love to go, but my window of available time is really limited and I'd have to go next month (this is the quiet time in my industry so the best time to do all my travel).

So now we've barely been home a few days. We've been in touch loads and have talked about meeting again this year, but nothing specific as we're both only just back. So I feel really embarrassed to tell him I've already booked to be in his home town next month.

Obviously it'd be a wonderful bonus if he was happy to hear it (I don't even know if he'll be in town as he travels a lot) but I am conscious of how it might appear.

How do I say "so...I'm actually going to be in XYZLand, practically walking distance from your house in May but I promise I'm not a stalker. Honest. Promise"???

OP posts:

Exhibity · 11/04/2023 13:13

Just tell him! If he's keen to see you he'll be pleased, if not then at least you know now rather than later.

Amadeaa · 11/04/2023 13:14

Tell him that you’ve booked it, but don’t overexplain. I think Lindy2’s suggestion for a text is great.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 11/04/2023 13:17

It'd seem a damn sight MORE stalkerish if you say nothing then just rock up in his home town without warning 😂
Just mention you'll be there and leave it to him to ask to see you

oachkatzl · 11/04/2023 13:31

I would just say you thought the yoga retreat sounded great and the only time you could get off work is next month so you've booked it and will be there from such and such a date.
Then say that if he's around and fancies meeting up a couple of times that would be great but if not, not to worry.

You have to tell him because it would be worse to show up to his hometown without mentioning it at all - what if he then sees you there!

Original poster

tablebug · 11/04/2023 13:41

BoneBrothByDayDonutByNight · 11/04/2023 12:47

I don't think I'd say anything until I was there. See if the romance has fizzled by then, and if it hasn't you'll likely be desperate to see each other anyway.

Genuine Q: would you be booking this if it wasn't his hometown? Just curious.

Yes I 100% would! It's been somewhat on my radar for years. Hearing them talk about it clinched the deal.

OP posts:

Hankunamatata · 11/04/2023 13:42

Just tell him your going to the retreat and if he would like to meet up for dinner let you know. Keep it casual.

LinesAndDot · 11/04/2023 13:48

Text something like…

‘Hey Tom,
I’ve been thinking about that yoga retreat everyone was raving about on the course, I loved that last one so much I’m really keen to do another one soon so I’ll check out dates and see if it works for getting time off etc. You know the area, any tips for the best place to stay/get a decent coffee?

Then judging on what he writes back - keen! Or ignores it, either write back a day or two later and tell him you’ve booked, or if he’s not keen or weirded out, don’t tell him. You’ve done enough to cover yourself if you bump into him by saying you’re intending to be there at some point.

2bazookas · 11/04/2023 13:52

Just say " Thanls for the tip, I've booked myself on that wonderful yoga event you recommended, I'll be there from (date) to (date)".

Then its up to him to either say "Yay, lets meet up for a drink and a shag".
Or " Oh what a shame, that's the week I'll be in Finland for work".

NotMyFinestMoment · 11/04/2023 14:14

"The place you recommended in your home town sounded so great so I went ahead and booked it, the only problem is that it will be next month as that's the only time I can get off.

If you are free, it would be lovely to meet up when I'm there, if you are busy with work or travel, then I understand so perhaps could see each other another time." (it gives him a polite exit plan if he's not interested).

(I didn't read the whole thread, so apologies if this has already been suggested).

IamnotSethRogan · 11/04/2023 14:17

Literally just a "heey, I've booked that thing near you next month, if you're about that's great but no worries if not" and tbh how he responds will let you know if you're wasting your time or not!

BethDuttonsTwin · 11/04/2023 14:19

If he likes you he will be happy and excited that you’re coming, if he isn’t then you have your answer.

With these kind of dilemmas I always put myself into their shoes and consider how it would make me feel if the situation were reversed. Tbh it’s never steered me wrong yet.

Sunset6 · 11/04/2023 14:22

Tell him that you are thinking about booking it (rather than that you’ve actually booked it) and then if you get an encouraging response you can message again saying ok you’ve actually booked it now.

Moaning5 · 11/04/2023 14:22

Checking in just for the update !

Seriously, of all the towns in all the world, the next event is on in his home town AND you’ve wanted to go for years AND you can get time off work so soon after last week’s event.

The stars they are aligning…….

FinallyHere · 11/04/2023 14:24

Tell him in advance

It's a lot more stalkerish to 'bump into him' in his own backyard without having given him a heads up that you are planning to be there

Worst case he blocks you, wouldn't you rather know and prepare yourself ?

You have booked so are going anyway. Ask yourself why his reaction matters ?

PleaseSendNoodles · 11/04/2023 14:35

As others have said, mention it but don’t over explain yourself. You’re free to do whatever you want! If he’s interested, great! If not, you’ll have an amazing time at the retreat and won’t worry about bumping into him and it being awkward.

BringItOnxxx · 11/04/2023 14:39

wordler · 11/04/2023 13:08

Text something like - I’ve decided to do that retreat you were talking about as it sounded so great but just waiting to see what time I can get off work.

Then a few days later text to say looks like the only time I can get off work is next month or I’ll have to wait until next year.

This is good!

CheersForThatEh · 11/04/2023 14:50

Ask his advice as though its not a done deal so he can choose how to handle it and you can both save face.

"I'm looking at X retreat for next month, just need to book flights. What's the best way to get to the resort? Taxi or is there a bus?"

Then he can say something like "amazing, we should meet up while you're here" or "no good buses, get a taxi. Gutted im busy that week, would have been good to see you" and do a slow fade.

WitcheryDivine · 11/04/2023 16:06

If it were me I'd have to front up about how weird it could sound. "Hi David, just a heads up that I've decided to book that place X was talking about, been wanting to go for years. I realise that's down the road from you so I just wanted to let you know in case you are going past and think I'm stalking you!"

Not saying that's GOOD advice.

TellHimDirectlyInDetail · 11/04/2023 16:10

"Hi, I've got a week off work next month before we hit our busy time of the year. I've decided to book that retreat we were all talking about. I know its near you, but no pressure to meet up if you're even around."

ILikePizzas · 11/04/2023 16:14

If you go to another retreat which he is also on, you might cramp his style with his next holiday romance.

Exhibity · 11/04/2023 16:25

If it's something that everyone was discussing on the last retreat, it shouldn't be a massive shock to him that you've booked it.

RJ57 · 11/04/2023 16:30

Just be yourself and be open and honest with the guy and tell him that its a funny co-incidence that he lives at xxxx, because you've booked to be there for a retreat next month. If he's into yoga, then he'll possibly know all about the place and understand and might even be going.

Dont try and second guess and figure out all the possible outcomes and options. Just be you. If he doesn't like you being you, then that saves a lot of angst and if he does, then that's great.

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