Posting children on social media

[su203456]

AIBU?
I just want some opinions on my current situation. I share ds3 with his dad, he has him every other weekend. For background that might be important to note, we were never romantically involved with each other before or since. It was one night and we live in the same town and have mutual acquaintances. However we’ve successfully co-parented DS for the last few years with near to no conflict. We’re very friendly at pick up and drop off’s. There’s no messaging apart from talking about child arrangements. But it’s very pleasant, polite- able to have a laugh. No bad feelings at all. He’s very friendly with my current partner who lives with me, ds and our new baby. I’ve always encouraged ds and his dads relationship, he knows the door is always open to have him.

He regularly sees another women and her daughter who’s a similar age to ds, for play dates I imagine. Although I don’t know the extent of their relationship. I haven’t asked, it’s not my business. However this women has around 130K followers on Instagram and she does ‘Onlyfans’. Just in case some people reading this thread are unaware..it’s a very popular platform for people to sell sexual content. So her Instagram is full of very explicit pictures of herself and links to her selling page. It’s advertisement basically. Those followers consist of all types of men, ghost accounts and other sex workers.

I try not to judge although I wouldn’t associate myself with this person, she takes long holidays away from her dd 2 for weeks at a time and has major issues with her ex. I know this because they often air their dirty laundry on social media- another reason I’d stay clear.

Now during her time spent with my DS and his dad she has taken photos of him and posted them for her 130k following. To note, she doesn’t post her own child and often hides her face if she does with an emoji. I messaged her directly and said exactly “can you remove this picture of ds, don’t mean to be rude I’m just not cool with it”
She replied and told me I was being rude as I didn’t say please.

It’s my child though right? Should I have to say please?

Some might ask if ds dad is okay with it. He’s a bit oblivious to the dangers of social media so he’d probably not think anything of it. He did tell her not to do it again though which I appreciated. Anyway, this happened another 3 times. I messaged her each time asking for it to be taken down- I even said please and thanks! The most recent time she blocked me so I can no longer see. I spoke to ds dad and told him I feel upset and uncomfortable. He told me he understands and that he’d talk to her. But since then, a friend of mine who follows her let me know that she’s uploaded a series of photos of ds.

I post ds on my private account, my following is strictly family and friends. I’m okay and comfortable with that. Ds dad has a reasonable following and I know he posts ds when he has him. He did block me from seeing his stories. I’m not sure why, I never asked. I trust he’s looked after so it doesn’t bother me having no contact when ds is away or seeing pictures.

I messaged ds dad and told him our friendship is over. I feel so disrespected and upset by the situation. This women is being spiteful, why would she carry on posting against my wishes? She can’t be a good friend to him if she’s causing him issues? I’m not sure why she couldn’t message back the first time and say “sorry of course no worries!” It would have been done and dusted, everyone’s happy.

It’s horrible having strangers post your little one on an Instagram sex page against your wishes. I even told her she’s free to post on her private family account, the account that she posts her own child on.

I feel quite helpless. I don’t want my child around her but this is out of my control. So aibu? Any advice?

I’m normally pretty relaxed about photos being posted on socials but the very fact that she’s covering her own child’s face on her IG account but not covering your child’s face would seriously piss me off. At the end of the day you’ve asked her politely to take the photos down and she hasn’t.

The fact you’ve also said you wouldn’t mind her posting them on her private account also sounds reasonable to me.

I’d try not to fall out with dad but would sit down and have a proper chat with him again and explain your concerns. It’s not as if you’re saying photos can’t be posted at all - you just want her to be mindful.

She sounds a lunatic and I’d be going to court about this one- or at least telling his dad this was the direction it was heading, and what a shame it had to come to this over something so easily remedied. The fact she’s done it again when asked is very troubling.

Thanks for your response. I’d say I’m quite relaxed also. Lots of family members and friends love posting the children. It’s more the nature of her account, it’s audience and the fact it’s against my wishes which troubles me. Last thing I want is to
fall out with his Dad but I feel it’s his responsibility to be stern with her, it’s his friend.

Do her platforms have a report button for posting children not her own?
id be utilizing that

I have previously reported it but in my experience nothings been removed ect. I don’t think it’s a crime or even against their community guidelines. It’s rubbish.

Can you get people who follow her to comment on the photos and say it's out of order and against yours and the child's wishes? Happy to do it if you want to inbox me the username?

I’m blocked so have zero access to her following. Her following is full of likeminded individuals so probably don’t think anything of it, they all pay to see her at the end of the day..

Not being unreasonable in the slightest. You have valid concerns that are being ignored.

He might be your child but in a public place anyone can take a photo of him and post it 🤷‍♀️ She’s also your ex’s girlfriend so if he actually doesn’t want it on there he needs to address it with her.

Which is why I said it’s not a crime. I’m aware someone could take a photo of my child in public, albeit that’s weird too. I think I’m coming from a moral standing point. I find it gross having him on a pornographic page. What happens if one parent is ok with it and one isn’t?

Tell her you want a cut..

I'd sit down with his dad again and explain if she doesn't stop posting your child you will go through mediation/courts to get some ground rules in place as I'd consider that being a safeguarding issue.

Like you no problem with her sharing it on personal page or hiding his face like her own dd but to not respect your wishes seems cruel.

Report. It's a safeguarding issue as she has many unknowns on her account and they will be able to use your DS's image. I would get a solicitors letter sent and take legal advice.
Report again to her social accounts and tick the child issue box

Shes putting your child in harms way with her sex account being linked. Can the police do anything?

Then it stands.

I actually think this is a safeguarding issue. I'd probably be calling 111 and asking for advice about where to go from there.

I messaged ds dad and told him our friendship is over.
what did he say to this?

I’d be annoyed too. Not posting her own child but posting yours is a deliberate choice. She’s out of order.

You can make multiple accounts by the way if you wanted to see what she’s posting without relying on your friend. But don’t use identifying info incase she twigs it’s you and blocks you. Make up an alter ego.

I'd agree with a pp, safeguarding issue. I'd call a good lawyer and have a free consultation, finding out how much it would be to send a letter to instruct her to remove your child's private data (photos) as it infringes GDPR. Instruct your ex he will split the cost.

I'm generally pretty chilled about photos of kids on social media. But I do think if she's using Instagram for promotion to such a large fan base and you've asked her not to, then that's not ok. If you want to know if she's still doing it, just set up a new Instagram profile to follow her from - she's presumably not got it set on private.

I'd then tackle it via your DS's dad - tell him you really appreciate the good solid co-parenting relationship you have with him, and want that to continue for everyone's sake, but want him to keep DS off his new friend's Instagram. And that that needs to happen to keep the amicable relationship working. She can go find some other cute child online to post pictures of. Or use her own child!

There is no beach of GDPR by posting photos alone. Not unless she's also including other details such as name, address or date of birth.

There’s no GDPR issue here.

She’s the ex’s girlfriend. Nothing wrong with her taking the photos (and if she takes them, they belong to her, nothing to do with OP) and if he’s okay with her posting them then nothing to be done there either.

But morally, she’s out of order.

My guess is he agrees with you but can't stop her and dosent want to rock the boat.

Oh yes absolutely, morally, she’s out of order. But morals don’t come into it.

I don’t believe she’s the girlfriend.