Annual Family Arguments.

[EmpressOfTheSofa]

I’m such a mug.

I hosted Easter Sunday yesterday, my parents, two sisters, one BIL and then me, adult DD and her boyfriend and my DH.

Over dinner S1 asked DD what her plans are. She just turned 19 and is finishing college, she’s had a bumpy ride after failing her first year and then only doing six weeks of an apprenticeship. She’s about to gain a BTEC in art and works in a pub. I couldn’t be prouder.

DD said for now she will pick up full-time hours in the pub. S1 went off on a massive rant about how hospitality isn’t a career, there’s only a small window to choose a career before your life is a waste. Hospitality is for losers and thick people who can’t do anything else.

I manage a cafe and was a pub manager before that. She left school with no qualifications and worked her way up through various office jobs and now earns £££ in HR. She’s single, for context.

I pushed back and said I didn’t have a ‘career’ until my late 30s and that’s ok. She cackled and said I still don’t; and my life wouldn’t be worth anything if I didn’t have DH (he has a proper job, you see).

I tried to keep it light, laughed it off and took the dog out. But I’m still furious. And everyone just sat there! Including DH.

There is a common theme with her of mocking my job, she told me a few months ago that my qualifications aren’t real (I did a L3 apprenticeship and got distinctions across the board,) as everyone passes it and it’s easy. I was made to feel small and stupid for celebrating it. But now she’s come right out and told DD that she’d be a loser if she worked in my field as well.

I’ve woken up today with it all going round in my head. I’m angry and embarrassed. I’m off to work in a bit in my shit job that isn’t worthy of respect. I’m trying to laugh it off but it has got to me. DH says everyone just thinks she’s a mouthy idiot but I’m the only one who ever challenges her nonsense and I come out of it feeling awful.

Anyone else have a ridiculous family dynamic like this where it’s acceptable to put someone down to this extent? I think I’m done.

I think she sounds a bit jealous of you TBH .Maybe she thinks by belittling you she can feel better! Sounds tiresome.You are working and supporting your DH, its not all one way traffic here.Maybe she is regretting her Career choice and taking it out on you. Your DH is in a tight spot really,if he defends you then your parents may take your sisters side and cause a big falling out.Maybe next time just ask your DP and other Sister along .If she does end up coming ,dont engage with her too much .

I do think one jibe back from you about how much time she has to devote to work because she is single/childless/has no friends/whatever would shock her into behaving.

I doubt it, she’d sooner declare herself the victim.

Op, you are also part of your family’s dynamic. I can’t believe you didn’t ask her to leave. She was a guest in your home, that is a privilege not a right. Do not ask this self righteous, insecure woman back.

If I’d asked her to leave it would have caused a big row and she’d have made out I was being unreasonable/over sensitive. She kept saying ‘I’m only giving advice to DD’ and couldn’t see anything wrong with it. She just kept doubling down on hospitality not being a career.

BIL (other sisters DH) came and gave me a hug while I was washing up and said ‘she’s a twat’. She is prone to dramatics so I did get why everyone just let her carry on.

I never come with this response to things, but in this case I think it applies. Jealousy!

My cousin told me by accident about how favorably her family, ie. parents and siblings, compared to mine. But the thing is we were too busy getting on with our lives to bother comparing ourselves with other people.

My friend met her for the first time a couple of years ago and she was vile to him; he said as soon as she left that she was obviously jealous of me.

I don’t know if it is that though. She is just a nasty cow to people. My mother said they went to a wine tasting a while back and she was berating a pair of newly weds on what a crock of shit marriage is. Really embarrassing. She’s divorced (several years now) and does have children and I know she was upset they weren’t with her yesterday. So whether it is jealousy, bitterness or she’s just a narc who thinks her life is the only proper life, who knows.

Im not going to put up with it any more though.

She also slagged off my dungarees and said I looked like a children’s tv presenter; although she does have a point there 🤣

That's the point. You say something as untrue as hospitality being shit with no prospects, to wind her up!

Jesus, she wounds be allowed in my house with that shitty attitude. Please don’t tolerate her nonsense again.