Yesterday (Saturday) I went to visit my last surviving aunt, who lives a three-hour drive away. I also contacted a former work colleague who lives in that area. We've stayed in touch over the years. I suggested we might meet up somewhere for a coffee before I set off home. She talked it over with her husband and then invited me to go to theirs and stay overnight. Her husband would make his amazing curry for me. She was very positive: wanted us to have a few drinks and reminisce about our old friends and clients and colleagues.
I took my aunt a nice lunch for the two of us but when I got there one of her sons and his daughter had called in to see her. They only live 15 minutes away. They seemed to assume the food was for them to share and helped themselves without asking while I was in the kitchen warming up a small quiche. I ended up with a quarter of a one-person quiche. My cousin commented that I hadn't bought much and I said that the food was for his mum and me and she has a very small appetite. He didn't apologise.
On my way to see my work colleague I grabbed a bag of crisps and an apple from a local shop but, knowing there'd be a curry, didn't eat anything more. I got to my friend's place at about 5pm and we had a cup of tea and a chat. At around 6.30pm the husband suggested we go to the pub. I thought he was sending me and his wife off while he cooked, but he came with us. I bought a couple of rounds and then, because I was really hungry, suggested ordering food — my treat. But they were adamant that I was going to have his famous curry and wouldn't let me order chips because that would ruin my appetite. At 10pm he left the pub to start cooking. My friend and I left at 10.30pm. When we got back he was in the kitchen cooking and I was eventually presented with a plate of curry and rice at a few minutes past 11pm. It was a nice enough curry but not worth the long wait.
As soon as we'd eaten they were clearly expecting to go to bed. I was ushered upstairs and slept badly. I'd told them that my plan was to leave early to get ahead of the traffic and because I have something planned for this afternoon. There was no sign of them by 9am, so I made myself a mug of tea and left a couple of bottles of wine and chocolates and a thank you note, and left. I've just stopped for a coffee and breakfast at a services on my way home.
Was any of that normal? If you pop into your mum's without notice, do you automatically assume that the lunch your cousin has bought her is up for you to grab? Do you invite people to stay over and have a home-cooked curry and then not feed them till 11pm? If your guest says they'll be leaving at around 9am, would you not just put on your dressing gown and come and say goodbye? I spent the whole day feeling as if I didn't really exist.