Page 3 | No elaboration. Yes/No. was the grass greener

StagsLeap · 09/04/2023 12:29

Thinking through friends who’ve had affairs and/or ended longterm relationships or marriages, I would say a few affairs had the effect of revivifying the marriage, and one definitely made the person realise the value of her husband, while her affair partner ended his marriage. Looking at those who ended longterm relationships and moved on either with affair partner or someone else — one friend doesn’t seem particularly happy 13 years on, and his second wife (relationship began as an affair) spends a lot of time away from home. The other person I’m close to, who had an affair and ended his marriage should never have got married in the first place. He’s now in a cohabiting relationship in which he’s replicating the same behaviours that made his marriage so poor.

BarbedButterfly · 09/04/2023 12:31

Yes

StagsLeap · 09/04/2023 12:33

So I suppose my point is that people easily fall back into established patterns of behaviour after initial fizz of novelty.

The woman I know who is happiest after ending her marriage is single, and living somewhere beautiful, and looks a decade younger. Her ex husband was desperate to save the marriage, remains in love with her, and is deeply unhappy.

TheEarlofButties · 09/04/2023 12:37

Yes

Notsuchaniceguy · 09/04/2023 12:39

StagsLeap · 09/04/2023 12:29

Thinking through friends who’ve had affairs and/or ended longterm relationships or marriages, I would say a few affairs had the effect of revivifying the marriage, and one definitely made the person realise the value of her husband, while her affair partner ended his marriage. Looking at those who ended longterm relationships and moved on either with affair partner or someone else — one friend doesn’t seem particularly happy 13 years on, and his second wife (relationship began as an affair) spends a lot of time away from home. The other person I’m close to, who had an affair and ended his marriage should never have got married in the first place. He’s now in a cohabiting relationship in which he’s replicating the same behaviours that made his marriage so poor.

Sounds about right. The grass could have been greener for me, my ex wife and my children had I left to be on my own and worked on not being an arsehole.

Instead I left in a 'exit affair' and am in a toxic mutually abusive marriage with AP. I'm now working on not being an arsehole and this marriage may end. As long as I never have another relationship my grass may be greener.

Wellillsayitifnooneelsewill · 09/04/2023 12:42

Mine was jointly. I thought I could jump the fence. Turned out I didn’t want to, I would have made a massive mistake and all my current lawn needed was some love and attention from both parties. I’m glad I didn’t leave

Wellillsayitifnooneelsewill · 09/04/2023 12:42

Jointly untended and looking a little weedy *

Sherunsfar · 09/04/2023 12:50

It is so much greener, more lush and decorated with beautiful wild flowers.

Getting to the other side to this lovely grass was hard work though but I'd do it again in a heartbeat

OldTinHat · 09/04/2023 12:56

The grass is greenest where its watered.

NIparty · 09/04/2023 13:04

Yes

Popalina65 · 09/04/2023 13:12

Yes!! The highs in the relationship were definitely not worth the lows!

Can2022getanyworse · 09/04/2023 13:17

ChocAuVin · 09/04/2023 10:59

The grass wasn’t only greener, it was like being given a pair of Technicolor specs and realising that the past two decades had gradually dimmed to something closer to grey and white. But that’s just me. Good luck OP

Same.

Although it was about 5 years before I could properly enjoy it due to the fug of awfulness that kept blowing over from the other side of the fence.

Do it op. Good luck.

Cinnamon23 · 09/04/2023 13:18

Yes

Rubi2 · 09/04/2023 13:24

Yes 100%

Ifeellikeateenageragain · 09/04/2023 13:42

Yes

Sunshinejeans · 09/04/2023 13:44

Yes

Eas1lyd1stracted · 09/04/2023 13:46

Yes

CrystalCoco · 09/04/2023 13:49

Yes! Every single time!

Eranzer · 09/04/2023 13:52

Fuck yes

NoraLuka · 09/04/2023 13:56

Yes

Littlegoth · 09/04/2023 13:57

The grass was not just greener, it was thick and lush compared to dry, brittle and beige.

Brokendaughter · 09/04/2023 13:57

YES YES YES.

DeadbeatYoda · 09/04/2023 13:58

Yes

LiliLil · 09/04/2023 13:59

Most recent ex - YES!!

Ex husband? No

JosephFrancis · 09/04/2023 14:01

Just leaving a relationship or leaving it for someone else? Because if it's just leaving- Oh my god, yes. Crisp, green, fresh, relaxing and vibrant. No more pouring care and sunlight into withered, dying grass.

And then when I found someone who quite liked the look of my grass and whose grass seemed nice and healthy, we made a beautiful garden together and filled it with roses.