Ex has moved....

[Solobear]

My ex has.moved 40mins away, informed me this week. I just asked how he's gunna do this with kids etc to be told I'll have to do 50 50 meet in the middle.....
Someone please tell me if I'm being petty. This man is nothing more than a fb dad I've had to let soooo much stuff slide to keep the peace this just feels like the last straw for me. Why do I always have to work around him, for him 2 play daddy for 4 hours on a Sunday... that's if he has them and isn't busy!! Example of his parenting tells kids he's gunna take them swimming I text to make sure he's still taking them has kids where dressed in swimming stuff for him to tell me he ain't had time to look at when it's open and can't go.... I end up keeping them and taking them myself.... this is always happening promising so much shit that never happens... I've had enough of him 😑😑😑

Don't facilitate this. It isn't going to be in the children's interest to be let down like this. He travels to get them, or he doesn't see them. If he breaks a promise of seeing them, contact stops.

Wouldn't facilitate this at all. You do everything so he can drive a few hours. For whats its worth my ex moved away but does all the driving every other weekend.

He's moved he facilitates contact, it's not on you.

Absolutely not, what a waste of space. Just say 'that doesn't work for me, the kids will be ready for you to pick them up at 9am - see you then'. You just have to make them available not be at his beck and call.

He moved, he sorts. And don’t let him tell you otherwise

Don't do it unless a judge orders it. He picks the children up. He moved away.

Don't get the children into their swimming gear or anything until he's outside the door ready to take them. I know you want to make it easier for the children but an upset and frustrated mum is not good for them. Drop the rope. Its hard but the kids are going to end up hurt and disappointed with their father at some point, let it be now.

Agree with all the above, he moved away, he has to do the collection and drop offs. If he refuses, then he does not see his kids.

He does the driving. He says he wants to take them swimming he provides suitable clothing/equipment. Stop letting him control so much. He’s absolutely pathetic, I’m so sorry.

Just leave him to travel though personally I don’t think him moving 40 mins away is unreasonable not 400 miles is it

As pp have said, he chose to move he pucks his children up.
Don’t check up on whether his promises are going to be fulfilled either. If he lets his children down he has to deal with that. Every time you remedy his failing he gets off the hook and will never learn to keep his promises to his children. ( or learn to promise what he can’t carry through)

This. It's his problem, not yours. If he can't be bothered to show up, then he won't see his dcs.

His problem. If he doesn't like the terms you offer them he can feel free to pay to go to court.

Don’t put this one on yourself.

I mean let’s not turn it into an argument either, but simply apologise (yes) and say that you’ll be unable to accommodate meeting half way.

Don’t start getting defensive about him trying to put it on you and don’t start attacking him about how stupid he is.

This might be the moment he falls out of his children’s lives and you don’t want to take any of the blame of that beyond standing your ground.

Gunna?

My DS's father has just told me he's moving 2.5h away from DS to move in with his GF (the 4th he's moved in with since we broke up 8 years ago ...). He will be doing all the driving. DS hates his father and is dreading spending 5 hours in a car every other weekend 🙈😭

Do you think your ex will actually do the driving? Or will it end up being less and less visitation?

My late Mother in law split up with husband, agreed he would see her son (my now DH) each Sunday. He turned up twice, third time was a no show, fourth time he came and MIL said if he failed to not turn up again, that’s it, it wasn’t fair on her Son being messed around. In those days you didn’t get maintenance from the father, so she was a single mum, who worked full time and had to go back home to her parents. He never saw his Dad again.

@snitzelvoncrumb he probably will as he's 65 miles away at the moment so a 1.5h drive but it's on better roads than where he's moving to. I'm hoping he finds it all too difficult and loses interest soon. DS has an activity (one Ex is into, not me!) on Friday evenings so it'll be a Saturday am pick up and Sunday pm drop off. 5 hours driving for less than 36 hours contact seems mad to me.

Where is he suggesting you meet? I don’t think it’s fair on the children to be “swapped” over in a car park or lay-by etc. He should come and get them.

Nope. He moved then he has to travel to see kids. My ex tried that one with me and I stood my ground and I knew if I didn't I would have had to do this every time.

Why should you incur travel costs when he has moved?

Don’t be stupid, and rude.

It’s a colloquial variant of the verb + preposition “going to” 🙄. Surely that’s obvious?

My stepson lives with his mum 30 minutes away. We have him almost 50% of the time. We do all the travelling to collect him and drop him off as it was our choice to live where we live.

Don't get me wrong, it's hard work, especially during the week when we have him overnight and the commute to school is an hour and a half round trip. But we make it work because we want to see him and we want to be part of his life.

Admittedly, my partner does most of the travelling because ss is his child, but if for any reason he can't (just finished a night shift etc) then I do it.

Your ex is the one that decided to move house. If he wants to see his children, he should be willing to do 100% of the travelling.

His choice to move, therefore he does the travelling.

He knew where his child lived before he chose to move. He doesn't get to choose what you do. He travels the distance he chose to move to see his child. He chose, he travels. You are not responsible for his choices.