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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a barbecue without barbecuing?

75 replies

Onthegejdj · 08/04/2023 22:48

I was going to ask about half a dozen colleagues/friends around for a barbecue one afternoon next month. Not all will attend, so I’ll be catering for maybe half a dozen. I’ve got a lovely built in barbecue but whenever I host barbecues I spend the afternoon tied to the barbecue and miss all the fun and gossip.

Could I get away with putting out potato salad, another nice salad, cold pasta, cold chicken legs, a cheese and ham board, olives… Any other ideas? It needs to be food I can either make the day before and serve cold, or make very quickly. I feel rude ignoring guests and spending forever at the barbecue, and also I don’t want to feel stressed or miss the gossip.

AIBU to serve everything cold and if not, what would you want served?

OP posts:
RideACockHorseToSunburyCross · 08/04/2023 22:50

Bit weird to invite people for a bbq and not bbq. Just invite them for lunch

Kidsx6 · 08/04/2023 22:50

That's not a BBQ. It's a get together. Just word it as that....

Original poster
Onthegejdj · 08/04/2023 22:53

RideACockHorseToSunburyCross · 08/04/2023 22:50

Bit weird to invite people for a bbq and not bbq. Just invite them for lunch

Lunch would sound a bit formal I think. I want the social, casual connotations that a barbecue conveys.

OP posts:
Motheranddaughtertotwo · 08/04/2023 22:53

Could you barbecue it just before the guests come and then use one of those pots that keeps the food warm? Or just change your wording, have a “get together”.

Iwantamarshmallowman · 08/04/2023 22:55

I would think this was really strange .. people will keep asking when the bbq Food is comming and u will forever be that odd woman who promised a bbq and served cold ham. People will assume you were too pissed to cook. just invite people for drinks in the garden. don't offer them somthing you have no intention of giving them.

SoShallINever · 08/04/2023 22:55

Yep, this is a "get together", when my friends and colleagues do this they often ask us to bring a salad, a cake, a quiche or whatever.

timeforwotsits · 08/04/2023 22:55

You can’t invite people to a bbq then not have a bbq 😂

Original poster
Onthegejdj · 08/04/2023 22:55

Kidsx6 · 08/04/2023 22:50

That's not a BBQ. It's a get together. Just word it as that....

Yeah, a get together would work I suppose. I want to convey that it’s casual food and drinks, and no limit on it, which a barbecue does, but just without the hassle. I don’t even mind (actually would enjoy) lighting the barbecue, and I don’t mind cooking things on it which are quick. The bit I absolutely loathe is the slicing of the bread, the arranging the cut up onions and tomatoes which are never touched, all of the hassle that goes with the burgers and sausages.

OP posts:
fuzzbearpenguin · 08/04/2023 22:56

Don't invite them to that and call it a bbq! Fine to invite them round for a gathering/party tell them you'll put on a buffet, but if you invite them to a bbq, you need to bbq!! Or get another friend in to do the bbq'ing for you so that you can mingle. Obvs that friend needs to know that their role there is to do the cooking!

BoogleOogle · 08/04/2023 22:57

I would be absolutely gutted to be invited to a BBQ and served only salads.

ChicoryDip · 08/04/2023 22:57

We love eating outside but less keen on BBQs.

Just invite them for food and drinks in the garden. Lots of food that you could do in the oven and then just bring out to go with the bread, salads, coleslaw, cheese etc. that you mentioned. Think about big sharing dishes - salmon tray bake, lemon chicken, pasta bakes, lasagne made with summer greens rather than bolognaise, ribs.

TinySaltLick · 08/04/2023 22:57

Agree, you can call it quite a lot of things, other than the thing it deliberately isn't

Magenta82 · 08/04/2023 22:58

I find a BBQ to be less work for me. Men get weirdly territorial about outside cooking and as soon as one tries to give advice/take over I leave them to get on with it.

Comfies · 08/04/2023 22:59

People normally say come for "some food" or "drinks and something to eat" among my friends. Maybe that's weird though 😂

If someone invited me to a BBQ and didn't BBQ, yes, I think that would be quite odd

Newname221 · 08/04/2023 22:59

How would you feel if you ordered a stripper and instead got a window cleaner? Both are great, but they aren’t interchangeable.

Just invite them for drinks and snacks and serve what you have planned. It sounds lovely, but it’s not a barbecue.

Schmutter · 08/04/2023 22:59

That would be like saying ‘come over for a curry’ and serving a roast.

You can’t invite guests to a barbecue and then not barbecue. Just say, come over for food and drinks.

UndertheCedartree · 08/04/2023 23:01

Sounds lovely but invite them for a buffet in the garden.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 08/04/2023 23:01

Yeah...you can't invite people for a BBQ and then not actually BBQ anything Grin

RideACockHorseToSunburyCross · 08/04/2023 23:03

"Fancy coming round on Sunday for a few drinks and something to eat, forecast is good so hopefully we can sit in the garden"

Or anything like that. Don't trick them into thinking it's a bbq, poor fuckers 🤣

tumtitum · 08/04/2023 23:03

Could you just precook some chicken, burgers etc then give them a quick char on the bbq?

Original poster
Onthegejdj · 08/04/2023 23:06

SoShallINever · 08/04/2023 22:55

Yep, this is a "get together", when my friends and colleagues do this they often ask us to bring a salad, a cake, a quiche or whatever.

Ooo yes, quiche!

What if I were to barbecue halloumi, kebabs and sweetcorn? Still a disappointment without burgers and sausages?

OP posts:
Talipesmum · 08/04/2023 23:06

You can’t say you’re hosting a barbecue and not do anything on the bbq. Get all the other stuff ready and do some quick burgers.

Original poster
Onthegejdj · 08/04/2023 23:07

BoogleOogle · 08/04/2023 22:57

I would be absolutely gutted to be invited to a BBQ and served only salads.

So would I. That was never what I was suggesting.

OP posts:
GlassBunion · 08/04/2023 23:07

I make pasta salad, Russian salad and green salad then cook chicken and Mediterranean veg in the oven.

Sausages and burgers and fish get cooked on the bbq.

Corn on the cob is also cooked on the hob.

RideACockHorseToSunburyCross · 08/04/2023 23:08

"So would I. That was never what I was suggesting."

Your op lists the ingredients of a chicken salad