Page 2 | To have such horrible intrusive thoughts about dd12

Gogogo1 · 2023-04-08T17:42:15+00:00

So now for example she’s been invited to a friends party with a pool today gone off with her mates and now I’m sat here thinking has she drowned? She hasn’t been online for an hour probably because she’s having fun and I’m thinking the worst. last night she wanted to stay at a friend of a family I know very well and I’m worried that something will happen and they will burn the house down. tiday she went to town with her friends and I worried she would get stabbed. It’s getting uncontrollable i work in a role where I see these types of things every day in a city area so I’m wondering if it has affected me

GreenClock · 08/04/2023 20:56

I empathise. For me, it’s about them going missing (ever since DC2 went missing for about five minutes on a crowded street not long after the Madeleine M story broke). I was nearly sick with worry whilst searching for him and in my mind, he’d gone for good and I was going to be vilified and all over the news like the MM parents.

They are young adults now and I still have this fear. I spoke to a colleague about it who thinks that it may be a form of PTSD.

thebaneofmylifeisacat · 08/04/2023 20:57

Sorry PLEASE can we stop with the it's an OCD thing.

Living with someone or being someone with OCD is hell. It's not an intrusive thought or a 'I love a clean house lol!' Shite it's a bloody awful mental health issue and not a flippant mood.

Just saying

Beantag · 08/04/2023 20:59

thebaneofmylifeisacat · 08/04/2023 20:57

Sorry PLEASE can we stop with the it's an OCD thing.

Living with someone or being someone with OCD is hell. It's not an intrusive thought or a 'I love a clean house lol!' Shite it's a bloody awful mental health issue and not a flippant mood.

Just saying

In fairness it sounds like constantly worrying to this extent is awful, OP hasn't posted about cleaning her house has she, ffs.

OP I'd be surprised if your job didn't have any effect at all, and whilst it's normal to worry it does sound like it's taking over a bit. I'd speak to a GP for your own sake but also for the sake of your daughter, if she picks up how you're feeling it'll probably create a lot of complexities.

GeneHuntsCowboyBoots · 08/04/2023 21:00

thebaneofmylifeisacat · 08/04/2023 20:57

Sorry PLEASE can we stop with the it's an OCD thing.

Living with someone or being someone with OCD is hell. It's not an intrusive thought or a 'I love a clean house lol!' Shite it's a bloody awful mental health issue and not a flippant mood.

Just saying

It could be OCD though. No one said anything about cleaning. I have OCD and so does my daughter (both diagnosed) so I know what it’s like to live with it myself AND have someone I love and live with live with it.

You need to stop assuming you know all there is to know about OCD.

GeneHuntsCowboyBoots · 08/04/2023 21:01

Oh, and my OCD is all intrusive thoughts with no outward compulsions and I know what version of hell it is, thanks.

42isthemeaning · 08/04/2023 21:07

GreenClock · 08/04/2023 20:56

I empathise. For me, it’s about them going missing (ever since DC2 went missing for about five minutes on a crowded street not long after the Madeleine M story broke). I was nearly sick with worry whilst searching for him and in my mind, he’d gone for good and I was going to be vilified and all over the news like the MM parents.

They are young adults now and I still have this fear. I spoke to a colleague about it who thinks that it may be a form of PTSD.

I have exactly the same issue. I often feel like it is ruining my life. Many years back my dd went missing for 15 minutes in a massive water park - she was 3 (except she hadn't really gone missing - my friend had followed her when she wandered off and took her on a boat ride!)
I've really struggled with the idea of losing my dc since then to the point that I've really panicked when they've gone out of my sight. I've had to let my eldest go out and about as she's now an older teen, but I've no doubt she picked up my fears. I hate myself for it and wish I could take all these awful intrusive thoughts away. There isn't a day goes by where these thoughts don't enter my mind. Over the years I've had cbt, etc and I was actually diagnosed with GAD, but I do think it could be PTSD / or some
form of OCD. I feel so very sorry for everyone on this thread who has experienced intrusive thoughts as I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, I really wouldn't!

ClairDeLaLune · 08/04/2023 21:15

LittleHouseonthemoon · 08/04/2023 19:45

I was taken as a young teen by dm multiple times to the children’s graveyard and made to read the headstones I used to be crying I hated it.
I then a couple of years later got pregnant and she (quite literally) dragged me for a late termination but told me my baby would never have a grave. A few nights later I found myself back there at the graveyard by the locked gate sobbing, she found me and took me home - she knew where I’d go it was like she ‘set up’ the trauma and I always then had intrusive thoughts when I went on to have dc about death

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@LittleHouseonthemoon that is horrific, I’m so sorry that happened to you 💐 I hope you have had therapy to help you deal with it.

Crazydoglady1980 · 08/04/2023 21:33

It could be secondary trauma if these kind of incidents you are dealing with regularly.
Whatever it is there is support available, and you have recognised that it is having an impact on you

JeepersCreeperrs · 08/04/2023 21:42

I have ocd and have similar. It’s exhausting. My ocd has got worse over the last couple of years.

pinkhousesarebest · 08/04/2023 21:45

This is me too. My dc’s are in their 20’s now, but the worry never stops. I don’t tell anyone the extent of it but I envy anyone who can live their lives blithely.

MissAmbrosia · 08/04/2023 21:58

It's quite normal to worry a bit about your kids when they are out and about (and they are demons at not responding to messages etc) - but if it's to the extent that it's disrupting your life and making you this anxious, then yes, you should go see the GP.

Cas112 · 08/04/2023 22:06

Sounds like you have anxiety

Heyheyitsanotherday · 08/04/2023 22:14

I’ve put yanbu but only as I understand this totally. I also work in an area where I see tragic circumstances every shift. It recently got to the point that intrusive thoughts and worry about my own kids were out of control. I ended up having cbt through work. It this something you can access? It really helped unpick why I was thinking things I did and gave me strategies to talk myself down. Sending hugs your way. It’s awful. I think as parents we tend to worry about things some people would think is weird, but when it’s constant you need to have a chat with someone. Hope you’re ok op x

Original poster

Gogogo1 · 08/04/2023 22:24

thebaneofmylifeisacat · 08/04/2023 19:55

Oh love know exactly how you feel from Ds1 being a baby (now 34) I had thoughts of dropping him through the stairwell as I was burping him so imagining him slipping off my shoulder.

Sadly my dd was very badly injured completely randomly on a school trip so it's as though my worst fears came true. I had counselling which really didn't help. Most councillors are online certified and well meaning but

useless. If you haven't lived it you don't understand and just go through the motions of your counselling portfolio.

For us yoga/mindfulness/ talking and deep breathing and family love gets you through.

You are projecting things because you love your dd so much so accept this and see it's normal for you.

GP complete waste of your time they don't understand or you be seen as another hysterical woman.

Get to a class xxxx

Thank you for this. The thoight of her being hurt makes my chest feel horrid and iv been this way since I fell pregnant with her. I had a low lying placenta around 13 weeks and i spent the weekend thinking I was no longer pregnant and praying to god she would be ok. When I saw her there on the scan I can’t explain the feeling of joy and relief. Ever since then I think iv been so scared of losing her and the intrusive thoughts have got worse and worse.

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Original poster

Gogogo1 · 08/04/2023 22:26

Newuser82 · 08/04/2023 20:33

I'm exactly the same. I didn't realise it was a 'thing' either 😬. I also think about how I would feel and what it would be like if the worst happened. Like play out scenarios in my head. I do have anxiety issues (obviously) it's not nice.

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Me too I play out things in my head it’s awful and I end up in tears . It makes me want to just go and get her and keep her by my side forever but I know that’s not fair

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Original poster

Gogogo1 · 08/04/2023 22:33

GeneHuntsCowboyBoots · 08/04/2023 19:11

Not diagnosing either but I have Pure O OCD. Though it can be quite a misleading name as it’s often thought that you don’t have compulsions like with other forms of OCD, when in fact the constant thinking and worrying is a form of compulsion.

There are so many different sub types of OCD, and ‘harm’ is one of them.

That said, usually, but not always, it becomes OCD because you think by having those thoughts you actually want them to happen, when in fact that is not the case at all and it plays on your worst fears. How do you feel when you get the thoughts? Just scared, or guilty or like you feel if anything does happen, it will be your fault?

Otherwise it could be a form of anxiety.

Either way you will need to speak to your GP and whatever it is, there is help available and you can get better.xxx

I def don’t want them to happen but I think in my head if I think of all the worst scenarios and check around for them then I can stop it happening. Like I have to sit and think this through and through.
one time she went to the 02 on the tube with her lovely grandparents and I became scared about bombs and I genuinely seriously considered phoning and saying there was a concern about a bomb so that they would check everything out and she would be safe. I know that’s an awful thing to do and I didn’t do it but that’s the depths my mind is going to sometimes. I have never told anyone that is the kind of stuff my brain throws up!

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lingle · 08/04/2023 22:40

:( thank goodness you didn’t.

GeneHuntsCowboyBoots · 08/04/2023 22:53

Gogogo1 · 08/04/2023 22:33

I def don’t want them to happen but I think in my head if I think of all the worst scenarios and check around for them then I can stop it happening. Like I have to sit and think this through and through.
one time she went to the 02 on the tube with her lovely grandparents and I became scared about bombs and I genuinely seriously considered phoning and saying there was a concern about a bomb so that they would check everything out and she would be safe. I know that’s an awful thing to do and I didn’t do it but that’s the depths my mind is going to sometimes. I have never told anyone that is the kind of stuff my brain throws up!

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Bless you. As I say, I’m not diagnosing but it does sound similar to me. That’s what I meant about thinking and worrying. Rumination is a compulsion, especially when you try and think of everything you possibly can in order to keep her safe.

As others have mentioned, it could be something else, but whatever it is, you’re not alone in the way you think.. When I first started with it, I didn’t dare tell anyone in case they thought I was ‘mad’. I honestly thought I was losing my mind at one point.
So if you have any thoughts like that, I hope it’s reassured you a bit that you’re not the only one.

Go and see your GP. There are different things you can try and this can definitely get easier.xxx

thebaneofmylifeisacat · 08/04/2023 23:41

Clearly most people who don't have ocd presume it's about cleaning as I said. It's not.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 08/04/2023 23:46

OP if you’re not careful your anxiety will rub off on your DC. These thoughts aren’t normal or healthy.

thebaneofmylifeisacat · 08/04/2023 23:47

Op you are not alone it's completely normal to have intrusive thoughts sometimes just need to try to keep them in their place.

Easier said than done but you can

GodspeedJune · 08/04/2023 23:56

My DM is like this, please don’t let on to your DC that you feel this way. It’s not healthy or kind for your own mind either, so perhaps it might be worth getting some professional help?

LumpySpaceGoddess · 09/04/2023 00:20

This is literally me, I constantly fear the worse has happened all the time and it’s completely consuming, I’m so sorry you are also dealing with it :(

thebaneofmylifeisacat · 09/04/2023 00:40

Please don't let posters upset you op.

Some of us are more sensitive and empathetic so we worry more. Intrusive thoughts are normal for sensitive people but you have to keep them in their place.

Nothing wrong with sharing this with your older children as theres nothing 'wrong!' With sharing these feelings. Hopefully those days are gone now.

As I said feel free to pm me op

thebaneofmylifeisacat · 09/04/2023 00:43

God

My dm too was like this and her shame and isolation blighted my childhood too

So my view is let's get it out there and normalise anxiety. We all have it at some points.