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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby left in car

75 replies

callsocialservices · 07/04/2023 15:39

Faced a dilemma today I hadn’t previously had and wondered what others would do.
I was alone in the car with the baby (1 year) and was running low on petrol. Pulled in to fill up, then, to my horror, realised ‘pay at pump wasn’t working’.
Wasnt sure if it’s ok to leave baby, lock car and go pay (no queue) or take baby out of car and into the shop with me to pay.
Ended up leaving them. Asked my group of friends what they thought and got a varied response so wondered what others thought:
YABU - take baby with you, they is likely to die in the car that long alone.
YANBU - baby will be fine it’s only 2 mins

also would be curious to know if response would be different if the baby was asleep or not.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 07/04/2023 17:01

Once the baby is able to walk, surely you just send them in to pay whilst you fill up? And they can pick up a packet of fags whilst they’re there…

Soontobe60 · 07/04/2023 17:02

FlowersAndBonnets · 07/04/2023 16:03

I would always take my baby, asleep or not. I think it’s neglectful not to.

Why?

Soontobe60 · 07/04/2023 17:04

FlowersAndBonnets · 07/04/2023 16:16

You are neglecting their safety and putting them at risk.

Lots of scenarios can happen within a minute from fires to choking to kidnapping to the less extreme too.

Show quote history

You must live on your nerves! I’ve never seen a fire in a garage forecourt, but I’ve seen plenty of videos of garages being held up at gunpoint… so the odds of your child being harmed INSIDE the garage whilst you pay are far greater than them choking on a non existent item whilst strapped safely in their car seat.

GaspingGekko · 07/04/2023 17:05

Soontobe60 · 07/04/2023 16:57

How many petrol stations have you seen on fire?

Show quote history

None. The same number of times I've seen someone hit by a car crossing a forecourt.

Not saying either was right or wrong, just explaining what my thinking aleays was when my DC were small.

NoGoodUsernamee · 07/04/2023 17:06

I have 3 kids, 5, 2 & 1. No way am I getting them all out, go in and pay whilst they ask for every chocolate bar they see on the shelves, pay, get them all back in their seats… no. I say mummys going to pay if you look out the window you can see me.

Soontobe60 · 07/04/2023 17:07

FlowersAndBonnets · 07/04/2023 16:21

The risk is higher and the scenarios worse if baby is left alone.

If you have baby with you at least you’re actually looking after baby.

Show quote history

What about the boy racer who’s just filled his car and drives off at speed, knocking you and baby over on the way? Or an aeroplane dropping out of the sky onto the garage building? Or the baby kidnapper lurking behind the Costa coffee machine just waiting for someone to enter with a baby?

FabFitFifties · 07/04/2023 17:07

There was a car taken with toddler inside very recently near me, and they callously dumped the toddler at the side of a road some distance away (northeast) I however, left mine locked in car, then felt stressed until I'd paid.

CKL987 · 07/04/2023 17:09

FlowersAndBonnets · 07/04/2023 16:03

I would always take my baby, asleep or not. I think it’s neglectful not to.

How is it neglectful? What do you think is going to happen? Would you take a baby with you as your go into every room in your home or can them be left safely in a different room?

TimeForMeToF1y · 07/04/2023 17:09

Are you new ? This is one of the most posted topics on here😂

Some people think it's fine to leave in the car, some people think the car will spontaneously combust and other people think something inbetween. I'd be amazed iif anyone has changed thier view based what soneone else thinks

Do what suits you, it doesn't matter what anyone else does

Soontobe60 · 07/04/2023 17:11

FabFitFifties · 07/04/2023 17:07

There was a car taken with toddler inside very recently near me, and they callously dumped the toddler at the side of a road some distance away (northeast) I however, left mine locked in car, then felt stressed until I'd paid.

If this was the one near County Durham last September, the car was stolen from outside a house where the engine was still running and the drivers door open.

gerbilcrocus · 07/04/2023 17:12

FlowersAndBonnets · 07/04/2023 16:03

I would always take my baby, asleep or not. I think it’s neglectful not to.

Like hell is it neglectful... I hope you take it in turns to be sentry and watch over your babies every second of the night when they're asleep if that's your neurotic attitude.

I always left mine in the car unless it was a hot day.

StylishM · 07/04/2023 17:14

3 DC. Always left in the car as I saw a near-miss with a twat in a BMW and a mum holding her baby

Irritateandunreasonable · 07/04/2023 17:16

Leave them? Every time as long as I can see out the window of the shop.

gerbilcrocus · 07/04/2023 17:18

What about the boy racer who’s just filled his car and drives off at speed, knocking you and baby over on the way? Or an aeroplane dropping out of the sky onto the garage building? Or the baby kidnapper lurking behind the Costa coffee machine just waiting for someone to enter with a baby?

Yes, there's danger everywhere!

For those of you so neurotic about leaving your child in the locked car for a minute while paying for petrol, how do you live with yourselves for driving them given there were 1,760 road traffic accident fatalities and nearly 30,000 serious injuries on the road last year in the U.K., compared to no incidents of children coming to harm left in cars on garage forecourts in the U.K. EVER!

MaryShelley1818 · 07/04/2023 17:21

Far safer to leave in the car. I'd also be pretty annoyed watching someone faffing around getting babies/toddlers out the car if I was waiting to fill up, what an absolute waste of time.

As for people calling choosing the safest option for your child "neglect" I work in Children's Safeguarding, have a bloody word with yourself if you think that's what constitutes neglectful parenting.

Busybody2022 · 07/04/2023 17:22

Having seen numerous drivers just pull off from their pumps I think it is safer for them to be left securely in the car than on the forecourt

gerbilcrocus · 07/04/2023 17:23

I had a neurotic mother like some of the posters on here, and the adverse impact of that on my mental health (not that was entirely her of course) of thinking that was normal caused me issues for years until I learnt to let go myself.

gogohmm · 07/04/2023 17:24

Never left mine in the car but pretty much every petrol station where we lived was attended then (USA) not sure if they still are

WhiteFire · 07/04/2023 17:36

I remember asking the same question when my PFB moved out of her first car seat, so I always give a little allowance for those asking.

I give none to those that come up with nonsensical reasons as to why leaving the baby is a bad idea.

Bournetilly · 07/04/2023 17:37

Soontobe60 · 07/04/2023 17:00

If something were going to happen to you on the way in to pay, such as being hit by another car, then your child would likely also be seriously injured at the same time.
However, if you’d left your child in the car, do you honestly not think someone would actually notice, or do you think your car would just be left at the pumps indefinitely?

Show quote history

True but there are other things that could happen to you such as collapsing. IMO both are very unlikely but I’d rather take my children with me.

gerbilcrocus · 07/04/2023 18:12

@Bournetilly

True but there are other things that could happen to you such as collapsing. IMO both are very unlikely but I’d rather take my children with me.

And yet you're apparently fine with the possibility you could theoretically collapse at the wheel which would be far, far more dangerous, and far more likely (though still exceptionally unlikely) given the relative time you presumably spend driving to paying for petrol. You need to give your head a wobble as you're being completely irrational.

ChickenDhansak82 · 07/04/2023 18:19

As long as I can see the car from the kiosk I'd leave them in the car. I had twins so taking them in to pay was near impossible!

Check2223334 · 07/04/2023 18:51

At 1 i would leave them in there if I could see the car. Newborn I would have took in but I was a very anxious new mum.

Ffsmakeitstop · 07/04/2023 18:58

It always makes me laugh when fire is mentioned. If a fire occurred on a petrol forecourt anyone within half a mile of it would probably be incinerated.

BertieBotts · 07/04/2023 19:04

I don't think they are likely to die, but I'd probably take them with me unless they were asleep, just because I wouldn't want them to be upset/crying.

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