How do I Grey Rock a long term partner.

[Stressedafff]

My daughters dad is vile. He’s selfish, nasty, insulting, has been violent on occasion and I’ve had enough. Since being with him I’ve lost everything. He financially abused me to the point Ive no savings, I left uni early as he took money off me and I fell into this rancid sinkhole of depression that literally leaves me useless, I can’t get out of bed in the morning. My health anxiety is through the roof constantly, I have no friends and no social life.
Im a fucking idiot and at the point last year I was losing my family I told my mum I wasn’t with him anymore which was a damn lie, she’s not been able to visit because I can’t hide absolutely all this man’s stuff. I didn’t do it out of malice I wasn’t ready to leave.

But now I am, the house is mine so no need to flee. I need to basically detach from the cycle of love bombing and abusive behaviour. I’ve been basically a single mum since my DD was born so I’ve no issue there, I have just learned of the grey rock technique today. How do I do it when the person I’m grey rocking knows everything about me?

I’ve applied to university this morning, to finish my degree, to build a life for me and my daughter. I’ve made a promise to myself that this man will be out of my life by then. So I’ve got til September. Any ideas how to grey rock without slipping up?

Sorry for the rant also, after being shouted at and referred to as a stupid cunt this morning for opening the curtains at 8:45am I’ve just seriously seriously had enough

but he’ll start in other ways, sending his skanky family to my house etc which I’m not standing for

Unsurprising that he'd send Flying Monkeys.

But so what if they turn up?
You don't engage with them, you don't even open the door if you don't want to.

For help with any harassment like this, what police need to see is a CLEAR message (ie text, email) telling whoever is bothering you to leave you alone & not contact you again on any medium.
Then - if they ignore your request, it only tales TWO more attempts to contact you for them to have broken harassment laws.
Police than can take over & advise you on next steps.
If it continues, you can obtain a non-mol or restraining order against them.

Apologies if you already know all this. I just don't want you doubting your power to turn these people - & the arsehole himself - away.

Wrote out a long message and it disappeared ugh!

Just wanted to say, his skanky family likely has a lot to hide and won't want the police sniffing around so they may all disappear like rats if they think the police will be involved

Good luck!

I just want as much proof as I can for this because I’ve suffered and lived through hell since 2018, I feel like I’m just going through the motions, a robot, I convince myself that everyone I meet hates me, I’m useless etc I need to sort that out before I fully grow the balls to tell this rat I hate him and I want him out of my life and my home. I can do this, I’ve got until September. No more complacency and no more pricks

Bit of a "Catch-22" here OP.

You feel like you need bigger ovaries to tell him to fuck off.
But - keeping him around is preventing your ovaries from growing.

You have been undermined & abused for so long that you have maybe forgotten that your ovaries are already big enough - it's only the presence of the arsehole in your life that is making you feel otherwise.

Get rid of him, everything else will follow.
Having said that - only YOU can be the judge of when. But I urge you not to torture yourself by putting it off until September if you can avoid waiting.

Well it's great to see you haven't lost your sense of humour @Stressedafff so leading on from @AlloftheTime's typo, let's start off by referring to your former life/ex as the
SHlTUATION 💩
😀😁😂

I second the Freedom Programme (Women's Aid and Social Services often recommend). If you contact WA you'll likely get it for free buts available on line for £12.

Utilise these services. Don't wait for a problem, anticipate and avoid/overcome. You might well have a battle on your hands and like any battle, logistics are key. This includes timings, so get the advice first before you make any major decisions. If you haven't already told him, don't mention uni.

Just a reminder that the Government will be testing its telephone Emergency Alerts this month. If you have a 'secret/emerging' phone ensure the alerts are switched off. This is different to putting your phone on silent. Watch this short video for more information and instructions how to go into your phone settings to switch it off.

Youtube video from Refuge

Exactly. If he or his mates harass you going forward you don’t need past evidence - and tbh even if you did it wouldn’t help much - you simply need current evidence. Harassment kicks in after 3 strikes.

If necessary you can get an injunction.

Equally it’s not a good idea to tell him you hate him.. that simply escalates emotional tension.

He will be enraged enough that you’re ending it sotry and grey rock as much as you can - “it’s not working for me, I don’t feel the same.” Not “I hate you you’re abusive and you’ve ruined my life” etc.

OP this sounds like your time. Whilst you say you have no proof of his abuse, he's taken money, refused to give you a break, isolated you from friends and possibly family? The reason you 'let' them do this is because the repercussions are just not worth the aggro initially, then it becomes a fear - for yours & your child's safety. This is all coercive control which your local DV unit & WA should be fully clued up on. As others have said tell police you want him out but scared of the reaction, get ducks in a row, detach financially if you haven't already done so and above all, keep yourself & your child safe. Keep notes of everything he says and does. Wishing you well and keep posting 🙏

Luckily I’m really placid anyway so I don’t ever lose it enough to shout or say anything back. I’ve essentially been grey rocking for years.
This is an example of what a pisstaker he is.

We have a communal garden and all our neighbours are 22-28, some are male, because they’re all outside he’s moaned at me for “wanting to be outside with loads of other men” so I’m stuck in, it’s 17° and absolutely beautiful outside. Equally I’m not allowed to take DD to the park as it’s too late she’ll have her tea soon. So him and DD are outside, I’m stuck in and I can hear him brown nosing the girl who lives next door. Grey rock grey rock grey rock 🪨

Go outside if he moans just ignore him. Cheeky fucker. Why should he enjoy the sun but not you

This with bells on it

He’s managed to sneak off and meet one of his mates. No doubt for a beer. Anxiety through the roof cos idk what’s coming tonight. I know that one sly move I’ll phone the police though. I can’t do this anymore

Good luck in getting him out. If you feel afraid, look for an escape route in or out of your house, and phone the police. No warning to him. Just phone.

I don't recall if he's assaulted you before but don't take any chance.

There's always someone on here if you need it.