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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What can I take?

50 replies

Besswess88 · 06/04/2023 22:00

Going to see a friend tomorrow who I know is using the food bank.

Single Mum with an 18 month old. Left an abusive relationship.

I said why don’t I bring lunch. Which she has said yeah great, suggested baguette etc.

Have thought about taking butter/spread which I can leave there. What else can I take which might help her out without looking like I am helping out?

OP posts:
LIZS · 06/04/2023 22:01

Cream cheese, salad bits

Ducksinthebath · 06/04/2023 22:01

Cheese? Some sweet spread to have with the baguette later? I’d definitely go for something that keeps well (including without a fridge if possible) and maybe even can be eaten alone.

wanttoplayboardgames · 06/04/2023 22:02

What a lovely friend you are ☺️

Suggest a picnic style lunch then similar to the butter, maybe several multi packs that you can dip into but then leave some there - crisps, chocolate bars, tangerines etc or large packs such as ham, large mayo etc!

MrsDoylesDoily · 06/04/2023 22:02

Just anything perishable really.

How do you know she's using a food bank?

GeorgiePorge · 06/04/2023 22:03

I'd take baguette, spread, cheese and ham or a couple of different fillings for choice.. maybe tuna... and then a cake or something sweet and some grapes/fruit /crisps. All legit lunch food but more than you would eat so should do a couple of lunches.. help towards a dinner.

AwaaFaeHom · 06/04/2023 22:03

I might accidentally leave a twenty pound note somewhere that she wouldn't find it till after I had gone - and then deny all knowledge of it.

ValenciaOrange · 06/04/2023 22:03

A block of cheese big enough to leave plenty, a Victoria sandwich cake or chocolate cake, have a slice each with lunch but leave the remainder,
Pack of baguettes,more than you need.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 06/04/2023 22:03

A few snacks for the child? Say you wanted to get lunch for the the if you. Some fruit/yoghurt/multi bag of crisps and chocolate or something.

Maybe some teabags or coffee and milk? (If that's what she drinks)

You sound really nice 🙂

Original poster
Besswess88 · 06/04/2023 22:03

wanttoplayboardgames · 06/04/2023 22:02

What a lovely friend you are ☺️

Suggest a picnic style lunch then similar to the butter, maybe several multi packs that you can dip into but then leave some there - crisps, chocolate bars, tangerines etc or large packs such as ham, large mayo etc!

I love this idea this thank you

OP posts:
samesame2023 · 06/04/2023 22:04

Loaf of bread, pack of ham, block of cheese, cucumber, tomatoes, multipack crisps, packet of apples, punnet of strawberries. You can say you didn’t know what they’d like so you brought a selection.

MrsDoylesDoily · 06/04/2023 22:04

AwaaFaeHom · 06/04/2023 22:03

I might accidentally leave a twenty pound note somewhere that she wouldn't find it till after I had gone - and then deny all knowledge of it.

Terrible idea.

So she's then got to go through a whole list of people who've recently been in her house, and contact them all.

Overthebow · 06/04/2023 22:05

A big tray of strawberries and raspberries, cake, sausage rolls. All things that can be bought in big packs that you won’t get through in one go but won’t look out of place.

FortyFacedFuckers · 06/04/2023 22:05

Tins of tuna & maybe some soup

A block of cheese & some cold meat

Some biscuits

Fluffyrug191 · 06/04/2023 22:05

That's really thoughtful of you it's hard to strike the right balance without it being obvious but immediate thoughts: box of nice biscuits, some nice cordial/juice I really like the Robinson's lime and mint one which tastes like mojito! Meat/cheese to go with the baguettes. Cheese is well expensive so a big block of cheddar would always be useful. Maybe just go for bigger packs than you know will be eaten xx

youtwoandme · 06/04/2023 22:05

You're a lovely friend 💐

Maddy128 · 06/04/2023 22:07

Jam!

Confettishower · 06/04/2023 22:07

Bit of a faff but could you make a big lasagna and say you fancied cooking. Then she could put the leftovers in the freezer.
A couple of baguettes and some butter and garlic then she can freeze one of the baguettes and leave the garlic
All the stuff to make a salad to go with it
A packet of cous cous for an extra side dish
A pack of yoghurts for dessert and a big bunch of bananas, milk and custard powder to have bananas and custard for pudding
Couple of cartons of orange juice

Just say you fancied going all out for lunch?

Fluffyrug191 · 06/04/2023 22:07

Love the picnic idea, especially if she has a toddler

FootnerFanatic · 06/04/2023 22:07

If she'd be embarrassed at you obviously bringing her a food parcel then I'd take round all the ingredients to make lunch (with her toddler in mind):

Whole milk
Teabags/coffee
Bread
Butter
Cheese
Ham
Cherry tomatoes
Cucumber
Bananas
Yoghurt

Then as you say, you can leave it all there for her to use.

carriedout · 06/04/2023 22:08

Why do you need it to look like you're not helping out - can you really not chat to her about it? If you really can't then I guess you could do as people suggest but I think I'd try to discuss and give her a bit more.

HeadacheEarthquake · 06/04/2023 22:08

This is so lovely - why not take a big pack of part baked baguettes so she has some left

Big spread, mayo, tomatoes, and defo way too much cake. I'd also be tempted to shove a £20 down the sofa though

FootnerFanatic · 06/04/2023 22:10

You could even make a spag bol, pasta bake or soup or something and take it round for her, passing it off as having made too much and not wanting it to go to waste.

Original poster
Besswess88 · 06/04/2023 22:10

I think multi packs is a great idea as I don’t want her to know I am trying to help.

I will just take a very over the the top lunch that I can leave there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Besswess88 · 06/04/2023 22:10

And a bottle of wine ❤️

OP posts:
MrsDoylesDoily · 06/04/2023 22:10

How do you know she's using a foodbank OP?

And does she know that you know?