What can I take?

[Besswess88]

Going to see a friend tomorrow who I know is using the food bank.

Single Mum with an 18 month old. Left an abusive relationship.

I said why don’t I bring lunch. Which she has said yeah great, suggested baguette etc.

Have thought about taking butter/spread which I can leave there. What else can I take which might help her out without looking like I am helping out?

I would take a few packets of those baguettes that are part-baked and you finish off in the oven (they last a couple of months in.the cupboard).
and a tub of margarine, a big block of cheddar and some other "fancy cheeses because they looked fun and I couldn't choose", ham if you eat it, jar of pickle, bag of carrots, couple of cucumbers.
Teabags and milk
Nice pudding like muller corners or mousse pots.

When you get there, throw together a sharing platter and put the rest of the stuff in the fridge.

If you know she's using a food bank I'm guessing shes kind of said she's struggling, I'm sure she would really grateful if you said you just wanted to do her a little shop and get the things she needed to last a few days or whatever x

Oh, and a bag of apples and some easy peel oranges.

I think you could definitely get away with doubling up on some things by saying they are for her toddler.
Eg
Baguette for adults, sliced bread for baby, Cheddar for adults babybell for baby, posh yoghurt for adults fromage frais for baby, posh crisps for adults hula hoops for baby etc

Crisps, grapes, orange juice

She’s really proud and struggled to tell me she was using the food bank.

I think I'd bring large packs of everything to go with the baguette, so a large pack of ham, large pack of cheese, a couple of packs of sandwich fillers (egg mayo or tuna mayo if they sell it ready made), multipack crisps, cocktail sausages , scotch eggs, some grapes/cherry toms/berries, large bottles of juices. She'll be able to just buy bread and have nice things to go with it for a few days that way. You can say you wanted to have options as you weren't sure what you'd fancy.

How about a rotisserie chicken from the supermarket? Not out of place at a picnic type lunch, but will be plenty left over for her to use for another meal or two. And it's something you legitimately wouldn't want to take home with you.

A couple of tins of gin and tonic that you don't like.

Right so she actually told you then.

She didn't have to but she chose to.

I think that widens the goalposts a little and you can buy her a bit more.

They're going to get a picnic and another two meals out of a chicken??

The mythical Mumsnet chicken does exist 😁

I’d not take baguette but a loaf of bread to make sandwiches. The say ‘oh I have plenty of bread so I’ll leave this for you use up’

If she told you just take a load of stuff.

Tell her you'll not judge and she can pay it forward one day when she's in a better position.

@VyeBrator ffs- am all for a "hilarious" Mumsnet chicken post, but use a bit of common sense. Served for lunch for two adults and one toddler, with a load of other picnic food, there would clearly be some left over. OP is clearly v thoughtful and sensitive to her friend's situation- shes hardly likely to scarf down a load of chicken and pile in for seconds.

Well with a 'load of other picnic food' it would last a bit longer, yes.

But even the largest rotisserie chicken isn't that big on its own.

My personal favourite is a lasagne. You'd hardly make 2 portions so there's an excuse for over catering and hard to transport home once it's warm so easier to leave and eat your spare one at home. Plus you can microwave leftovers.

I’d also take toddler stuff… those organix oat bars etc. they are expensive so she won’t buy them, but nice and easy and toddlers love them

I want to thank you for caring! Something maybe for the 18 month old that she can't get at a food bank.

I would be annoyed. Just ask her what she needs?

Having grown up in poverty and now being (very thankfully) far from it, I would take lunch, a small bag of staples and give her some cash.

I have done this fairly frequently with friends who have fallen on hard times. They initially object but I tell them that I’d not have eaten at times as a child without people helping us and now I’m ok I pay it forward and she can do the same when she’s back on her feet.

We need to stop tiptoeing - being poor isn’t shameful for the poor person or, rather, it shouldn’t be.

Thanks :)

But she had no need to tell you at all. So I don’t think you need to worry too much about not being obvious.

Although the lasagne sounds lovely, she might be in fuel poverty too and restricting her use of the oven. There have been lots of great ideas for a picnic type lunch. You're a good friend.

This. Same here - my mum & dad were helped by someone they barely knew many years ago and paid it forward later on. I’d take the food for lunch, extras for the DC plus a supermarket gift card if you feel awkward about giving her cash. You could dress it up as a moving in gift.
Great that she’s made the move. Really good to read.

As a pp said, I would be mindful of fuel poverty and not take things that need a lot of cooking, so not lasagne (as much as I do love lasagne).

The picnic is perfect. Gives plenty of scope for future meals. I would bring butter, jam, chutney, ham, cheese, multipack of tuna and another of sweetcorn, jar of mayo, packet of pasta, bag of onions and things for salad, a quiche, sausage rolls, cocktail sausages, gherkins, some antipasti and a chicken. Sliced bread, bagels, baguettes. Multipacks of crisps, some chocolate, fruit, packets of raisins, organix bars. Tea, coffee and a nice juice.

It is a nice thing to do.