To think growing up poor can result in more fear of risk?

[ForestOfTea]

I grew up in the 80s in a household full of love but intermittently lacking in money (with retrospect, based on the amount of baked beans consumed, probably lacking in money more than I realised at the time)

Growing up I was always anxious about loosing things, as mum was clear they couldn’t be replaced, so I was super careful with school jumpers/pens etc.

Now I am older and have a good income, but still have a great fear about loosing things which I’ve realised is disproportionate to others- for example, on the beach I worry about leaving things unattended, whilst friends who grew up richer happily leave stuff.

This extends to other things too- I need to get to trains etc with plenty of time, even though if I missed it now I could afford to buy another ticket.

And to job opportunities- if there is an amazing job with a higher salary but it’s a fixed term contract, I am afraid to leave the stability of my lower (but still well-paid) job whilst colleagues who grew up richer jump at the opportunity, sure of parental parachutes/other opportunities.

Or, rather than being a remnant of growing up poor, is this just ‘me’ and I’d be risk-adverse regardless?

This is absolutely a thing for me. It has manifested in a number of ways - some hoarder-ish tendencies, shopping compulsion especially where something is a bargain. I've mostly managed to deal with these through becoming aware of them and I am on a good salary now so it is easier to try and buy once and buy well.

The things I still struggle with are inability to take financial risks - my day job pays the bills but I am a creative person at heart and I suspect that if I came from a more financially secure background I would have gone down a different path. The prospect of things like redundancy also frightens me even though I'd get a significant pay off - my husband on the other hand would probably leap at the chance for similar.

This is definitely correct for me. Im in a reasonably stable job, as is my DP, have a bit of money in the bank and nearly own my car outright.

But we grew up poor (even though my dad earned a wedge, long story) and I was homeless at 18 so I constantly worry that could happen again.

My partner thinks I'm mad to worry about it so much but he's has never been hungry, cold or had no clean clothes. It's stopped me from trying for a child earlier as well which makes me sad.

My goal in life is to pay my mortgage off so I know I have a permanent roof over my head, no matter what

Please accept my sincere apologies @FourTeaFallOut . I did not mean at all that you could or should have avoided ill health. I meant to agree with you that (in my own experience too) poor health undermines security and can make risk less appealing.

My advice to the OP to invest in her own health where possible was really a separate issue and I should have presented it that way. I'd suggested investing in her own long term security: pension plan, life insurance etc. and wanted to add that it is worth investing in our health too, even if we are conditioned by childhood events not to spend on ourselves. Of course that doesn't mean we can avoid many health issues. Only that where we are lucky enough to be able to do so, it's worth prioritising our health. Probably not news to anyone so I am really very sorry I offended you with this - I did not mean it as you read it.

I also grew up with 4 sisters in a family with much love but little money. DH the same with 2 brothers and his Dad was made redundant too. I've always worked very hard to earn extra money and DH works very hard too. Even though DH and I are comfortable now I still look for bargains and sometimes deny us little treats if I think they are expensive. Our adult children get really cross with us. They can't understand why we do it as they don't think it is necessary. But I'm pretty sure it is a deep down fear of being poor again. My dd got really angry with me because I did not buy a new coat this winter because there was nothing wrong with the ones I already have but she thought I should have got a new one to go to a special formal dinner. I did get a new dress because she nagged me so much but wore shoes I already had and she wanted me to get new shoes too.

This is exactly how I feel. I hate throwing out things that don't fit or have gone out of fashion, because I think one day I might wear them again or they might come back into fashion. My dd gets really cross with me.

Your examples seem more like you are taking great care with the things and the finances you possess, and that is a sound tactic rather than a risk-averse one. If you are comfortable with it, and you are happy with your finances, there is no need to change the way you approach life.

I also grew up in a money-stretched household. I learned to treasure my few possessions and look forward to shopping expeditions - as they didn't happen often. Some of my friends' lives were quite different to mine and had closets full of clothes they didn't even wear. I remember one friend had a closet dedicated to shoes - astonishing to me, as a. I only had one tiny closet, and b. only four pairs of shoes (and two of those were for school).

Now, my finances are reasonable, but I still only have about 7 pairs of shoes by my choice (and one handbag). We don't use credit. We have a paid-off home worth £800,000. I don't like buying expensive things, but if I really want something, I can buy it. This is all via work, saving, and care.

Good luck.

My dad was a mid level civil servant. My mum worked part time book-keeper when we went to secondary school. We definitely weren't poor. But my dad was careful with money. He was risk averse. I grew up to be likewise. My sister, on the other hand, had exactly the same upbringing as me and she's definitely not risk adverse! We're both thoughtful about our money. I think it's maybe a bit of nature, a bit of nurture and a bit of learned experience.

I think it's more of a personality thing really. I grew up very poor (benefits, free school meals, council flat) but my personality type isn't risk averse at all! Indulged in plenty of risky behaviour in my life, some of which turned out very well financially, others not so much. My siblings are more cautious than I am and haven't been as financially successful as I have, but we all had the same upbringing. Although my sister switches jobs frequently, and has handed in her notice several times with no job to go to (and has always landed on her feet).

DH grew up in a comfortable middle class family but he's the one who gets us to the airport with hours to spare. And has stayed with the same company and role for 15 years, in an industry where job hopping is standard.

Also grew up very poor, also possibly have ADHD and I agree with this. I feel like I realised money and circumstances are transient, risk taking and ups and down are fine.