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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

aibu to ask you to critique my poem? I'm trying to get into journalism

56 replies

bitcharming · 05/04/2023 20:46

Why oh why, pray tell, do we call Colonels 'kernels' yet we neglect to call Colonialism 'kernalism'? Oh my word alism I'm disturb alism ed. Does it get on anyone else's nerve alisms?

OP posts:
bitcharming · 05/04/2023 23:52

Yorkyyorkyork · 05/04/2023 22:17

I said less vanilla
And you went chilli
Spicy and witty
Intellectually silly
That poor ow
She's now a Queen
But she'll never be Queenie
Only she can dream
Has anyone noticed
How Trump looks?
More tanned than usual
I actually mistook
Him for a mango
Or a flamingo
Drowning in tango
And a tuft of fluff
Upon his head
I'm absolutely knackered
I'm off to bed

😂

I wonder if anyone noticed that journalism and colonialism rhym? and since they ent I reckon I win.

That was a good game
you completed the aim
and rose to fame
yorkyorkyork
take a train
perhaps a plane
to new yorkyorkyork
and try again
in the mornain

OP posts:
bitcharming · 05/04/2023 23:58

IHateLegDay · 05/04/2023 22:34

If I were you I'd sit and stew,
Over ideas that come to you,
Pick the one that is the best
And put it to the mumsnet test

The One I Picked for You

It's on the tip of your finger,
the tip of your tongue,
there's more up your sleeve
or should I say 'on'?

You're quite the minger,
you're making me sick,
the one that I pick,
you also Picked.

but it's not yours it's mine
you said 'it's divine'
and I threw up mine
it's a bogey, you swine!

OP posts:
sigh18 · 05/04/2023 23:59

As I walked on a tight rope,
I deliberated the path ahead with the help of hope,
And his fraternal twin,
Despair.

‘STOP! and go back through the gate,
As no toiling can keep you from the chosen fate,
Tell me, did the ocean ever reach her beloved moon?
Years of anguish but nothing gained.

Hope is right here, don’t listen to that liar,
To become a diamond, you must go through fire,
Your will can split oceans,
So, what is fate?

Tell me, what is it you require?
What is this endless turmoil of desires?
You are a fool to think you can win,
When everything has already been won.

Hope is right here, don’t listen to that liar,
To live, you need a burning desire,
Rage against the dying flame,
Winning is not your sole aim.

Didn’t the moth die chasing the flame?
Running after glory is a futile game
As you and me, we will always be walled
So what is the point of burning the midnight oil

Hope is right here, don’t listen to that liar,
Have you not seen life push through a wall, higher and higher?
The life in the seed will always shoot
For how long will the seed be encumbered?

As I reached the end of my rope,
I refused to let despair interlope,
For life is for striving,
For life is for living.

For life is for living.

bitcharming · 05/04/2023 23:59

JoanJettsMullet · 05/04/2023 22:43

I don’t find your poems too crappy
And posters are obviously happy
to give it a go
the bar’s pretty low
But better than lyrics by Dappy

yo! hahahahahhaahahah

OP posts:
sigh18 · 06/04/2023 00:03

I actually want to know how is this poem?

bitcharming · 06/04/2023 00:08

@sigh18

I think your writing is very nice,
but I'm not actually a world renowned poet or critique so I don't know,

I like the part about the seed being ready to shoot. ♡

OP posts:
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