aibu to ask you to critique my poem? I'm trying to get into journalism

[bitcharming]

Why oh why, pray tell, do we call Colonels 'kernels' yet we neglect to call Colonialism 'kernalism'? Oh my word alism I'm disturb alism ed. Does it get on anyone else's nerve alisms?

Vogons rule

The good stuff? woof! you sound like a bitch
that scratched my itch
perhaps I have nits
or fleas,
to my knees
like my hair from my crack
I don't care, take that!

(not really the bitch part,
Eminem, eat ya heart
out not take out
or shout out
I go now
so see yow.
i take my bow
umberella, tie.

omg I'm actually laughing my head off

After a bad day, you all made it happ-ay. so thank yay. lovely laydays.

this one's true, thank you

You’re bonkers 😂
And I like it 😂

The thing with poems, I find
Is that they reveal the inner state of the mind.
OP I don't suppose it'll be printed,
And it certainly won't get you minted,
But perhaps the process helps you unwind?

It’s very memorable, your rivals will trembly tremble

Write for the papers about all your capers

Ah, if it's laughter
You're after
You're in the right place.
But your prose,
Hurts my nose.
Like a fish to the face.

thanks crapbucket, I hope I don't fuck it.

You'd be shit at journalism

Not enough about trans
Or about Brexit
What about migrants?
You forgot about Megxit

Forget the housing crash
What about Queen Camilla?
Write about the scandalous
And be less vanilla

😂 soz

@Anetra I think you'll find
the song you're after
is I'm sexy and I know it.

@GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut
it ain't laughter I'm after,
a bafta for me.
then perhaps a bath (sans partner) after afternoon tea.

I call claptrap.

I must confess
I have no idea
What’s going on
So I’ll have a beer

The Queen can't sort the shit that we brought,
or blocked,
or stopped
or rocked? -the boat-
or stoned? -the people in the boats-
can't let them vote

they come in a dinghy
and that's the thingy
the channels a moat
to stop the blokes
from coming and killing or working or billing
the tax payer more
when our dear little queeny and all of her lot
take what you have got
(and what you've not got)
so they can stop
the browns coming round,
quick get down!
I said too much
now I must touch up,
at least its not twitter,
where everyone's bitter.

what I meant to write was God save the king
who's queen is dead
but it's all in our head,
he's got the OW instead
caught Behind the bike shed.

at least she not American.

Stop that

It's not dry wit
Or high wit
It's fucking mental daft
But I like it.

don't try it
to deny it
or I'll cry it'
s a bit sad

Bless you.
It's funny. Have you considered blogging or short stories rather than journalism?
You may be a great journalist but this doesn't particularly showcase your writing ability.

I’m sorry to say
Love
but your poems are a bit shit
but
I like them.

A bit.

I said less vanilla
And you went chilli
Spicy and witty
Intellectually silly
That poor ow
She's now a Queen
But she'll never be Queenie
Only she can dream
Has anyone noticed
How Trump looks?
More tanned than usual
I actually mistook
Him for a mango
Or a flamingo
Drowning in tango
And a tuft of fluff
Upon his head
I'm absolutely knackered
I'm off to bed

😂

Hmm. I'd like to be a fly on the wall when some recruitment honcho for News International reads your application.
PS editors are a bit fussy about getting people's names right so its Sylvester Stallone (two ls), plus your spag has to be shit hot. (Hint never rely on spellcheck. ) It's piece not peice. There may be more errors but it was too tiring to read it all. And I'm retired now.

Jesus! The biter bit.

What a shitty verse
Not sure I've heard worse
Close my eyes, plug my ears
It brought cries and some tears

You could be
Poet Laureate
One of these days,
Who knows?

Till that day dawns
Its probably best
You concentrate
On prose!

If I were you I'd sit and stew,
Over ideas that come to you,
Pick the one that is the best
And put it to the mumsnet test

I don’t find your poems too crappy
And posters are obviously happy
to give it a go
the bar’s pretty low
But better than lyrics by Dappy