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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to find this rude?

41 replies

Oneborneverydecade · 05/04/2023 18:22

Went to visit my parents. Haven't seen them for a few weeks as they've been away. My Dad greeted me then left the room. After brief chat I suggest to Mum go into living room. Dad is in there on phone, he continues call for 5 mins or so. Makes it tricky for Mum & I to chat but fair enough he was there first. He then asks how I'm doing.
Almost immediately my brother calls. Dad takes the call. My problem is he makes no effort to keep the call short (they are in regular contact including whilst away) nor to leave the room. So I'm sat in silence whilst the important man takes his important call. By the time I've finished my tea I've got the hump and mouth to Mum he's being rude.
She's doesn't think it's rude but in hindsight she does the same even if there's only 2 of us there. Words are spoken and I leave.
My argument is I don't think they'd behave like this in front of anyone else (except possibly my brother). We've had a couple of fallings out but generally get on. I visit once a fortnight or so.
It all sounds very pretty written down.

OP posts:

Pippa12 · 05/04/2023 18:32

My mum puts her phone on loud speaker and the whole room has to be quiet!!! Sometimes she will make a call that’s totally unnecessary ie: books a dentist appointment It drives me nuts!!!

I don’t fall out tho, I just flick through my phone whilst internally seething at her rudeness! Maybe it’s a age thing!

ThisNameIsNotAvailable · 05/04/2023 18:34

Just go in a different room surely?

I certainly couldn’t get worked up about this. Especially if you visit that often.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 05/04/2023 18:34

I think you were rude to stay in the living room while he was on the phone initially.

Maybe it's a family trait you could all work on?

IShouldGoToSleep · 05/04/2023 18:34

I think it's a sign they r relaxed around you! I wouldn't let it bother you. One day you won't have a dad anymore and you'll do anything to have him back talking loudly on the phone in front of you 💐

Mrsbclinton · 05/04/2023 18:35

It seems a bit rude. Why didnt you and your mum just go into another room to have your chat?

Anetra · 05/04/2023 18:36

sorry but yes it does sound petty and as if you wanted a bit of fanfare for your visit!!!!!

Tellmethespoiler · 05/04/2023 18:40

I wouldn’t get bothered about this at all. In fact, I think it’s quite normal. But perhaps it depends on your relationship with your parents. I wouldn’t expect my parents to drop everything and act as a formal host when I visit. I expect them to carry on as normal. And I only see them every few months.

Laiste · 05/04/2023 18:42

The phone - is it a mobile? (I ask because my mother won't use them and has a hand set which she doesn't like to take far from the base unit)(even though that's what it's meant for!)

If it's a mobile he should be leaving the room to have a convo IMO.

But - if this were me i'd have just chatted to my mum in a normal voice. You want P&Q - you leave the people chatting and go take your call elsewhere.

Roxie99 · 05/04/2023 18:42

Don't find it rude as you and your mum could have gone into the kitchen if there wasn't another room to have a natter. My dad literally walks off after he says hi and he knows mum and I will be having a chin wag ! What's the big deal?

neilyoungismyhero · 05/04/2023 18:42

I have a friend who I didn't see very often. Whenever I came back to the UK I would visit for the evening. (Always pre arranged).
Every single time, her daughter in law would ring up about some random shit and instead of saying to her 'can I ring you back if it's not urgent as Sue is here?' She would have a lengthy convo. about this random shit. I know she had to answer the phone in case of an emergency but to then chat for 20 minutes was bloody rude.
I did mention it and asked if DIL knew I was there and she was aware. Every time....

MargaretThursday · 05/04/2023 18:42

If you were the one that came in while he was on the call, I don't think he's unreasonable for assuming you're fine with him taking a call in the same room.

IamKlaus · 05/04/2023 18:43

My MIL will take a call while sitting at my table over dinner, and talk loudly so the rest of us can't have a conversation!! So rude.

Original poster

Oneborneverydecade · 05/04/2023 18:53

Bit of a mixed bag. Thanks for all the responses.

OP posts:

Laiste · 05/04/2023 18:53

My mum would take the call but keep it quick and tell them why if i was visiting.

My dear old dad would immediately turn everything in sight off and stop doing anything if someone visited - telly off, radio off, phones ignored. He thought it was the height of bad manners to have a distraction while a visitor was there.

Laiste · 05/04/2023 18:56

He would also stand up when ever a woman walked into the room.

''sit down dad!''

Love him 😊

LemongrassLollipop · 05/04/2023 18:57

Sounds a bit like this is more about relationship with your dad and you. Do you feel dad is closer to brother and will choose to speak to him rather than you if you are present? You mention dad and brother spoke even when parents were aware.. Sounded like you perhaps didn't get that contact?

moistclam · 05/04/2023 18:58

I can't imagine ever thinking family are "rude" for stuff like this - they're family! Family should be one of the few folk you can be absolutely relaxed around. He's talking on the phone, so what?

KrisAkabusi · 05/04/2023 18:59

If it's a mobile he should be leaving the room to have a convo IMO.

He did! But the OP and her mum followed him in.

Sunnyfunnytimes · 05/04/2023 18:59

This is just normal family dynamics, they are treating it like it’s your home and you’re not a special guest. I’ve no idea why you went in the living room you will have known he was taking a call in there.

it feels like attention seeking behaviour. Is it?

QuickNameChangeForMeToday · 05/04/2023 19:00

I would find it rude if someone walked into a room whilst I was taking a call. (Call 1)
Likewise it’s rude to accept a call and continue it in the room with others/guests. (Call 2)

Kanaloa · 05/04/2023 19:00

I think the first call was your fault, he was already on the phone when you came in. But I wouldn’t take the second call when I was chatting to people/had visitors. I find people can be pretty rude with their phones.

Sunnyfunnytimes · 05/04/2023 19:01

Laiste · 05/04/2023 18:42

The phone - is it a mobile? (I ask because my mother won't use them and has a hand set which she doesn't like to take far from the base unit)(even though that's what it's meant for!)

If it's a mobile he should be leaving the room to have a convo IMO.

But - if this were me i'd have just chatted to my mum in a normal voice. You want P&Q - you leave the people chatting and go take your call elsewhere.

He did, the op asked her mum to follow nim

Kanaloa · 05/04/2023 19:02

Laiste · 05/04/2023 18:53

My mum would take the call but keep it quick and tell them why if i was visiting.

To be honest I sort of agree with your dad. I don’t like if someone asks you for a coffee then they’ve got the telly on, taking phone calls etc.

2chocolateoranges · 05/04/2023 19:04

If you went to visit your dad and he did this then I’d say it was rude but your mum is there too so you had someone to talk to.

Thelobsterisinthejar · 05/04/2023 19:09

Pippa12 · 05/04/2023 18:32

My mum puts her phone on loud speaker and the whole room has to be quiet!!! Sometimes she will make a call that’s totally unnecessary ie: books a dentist appointment It drives me nuts!!!

I don’t fall out tho, I just flick through my phone whilst internally seething at her rudeness! Maybe it’s a age thing!

My mum does this too. Even in public 😡

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