Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who has been cheated on in their marriage please

31 replies

WhatToDo82 · 04/04/2023 21:39

Just curious and want to know honestly/anonymously how many married women have been cheated on by their spouse? I have, and it’s something I am trying to work through (though of course he is doing the work!) I don’t expect the marriage to last, but I hope it is something we can eventually move on from.

So id like a rough idea of how many of us actually know for certain we have been cheated on - whether you chose to stay or leave. As from speaking to women IRL sadly it seems far more common than I thought.

YABU - I have never been cheated on to my knowledge.

YANBU - I have been cheated on.

OP posts:
Justkeepingplatesspinning · 04/04/2023 21:46

I was. While he hid it, I could ignore it and stay. When the evidence was flagrantly waved in my face, I called time and got a divorce.

doitwithlove · 04/04/2023 21:46

YANBU

Original poster
WhatToDo82 · 04/04/2023 21:59

I’m so sorry. I see my situation going in a similar direction - things are fine when he’s either behaving himself or hiding it very well. But I’m quite a good detective and feel like I will catch him out again.

OP posts:
Supernothing22 · 04/04/2023 22:07

Ynbu to be honest I didn't give him the chance to make it up, his bags were packed and he was gone the same day I found out

Shuggie1234 · 04/04/2023 22:18

Previous marriage I cheated with another married person. Wasn’t caught but split with spouse and also split with person I was having affair with. It was all such a mess. Never looked back and am happily married again completely monogamous relationship for 30 years.

doitwithlove · 04/04/2023 22:38

As soon as he made the confession, bags were packed for him, I took the house keys back, the rest was history.

Aria2015 · 04/04/2023 22:53

Together 20 years. No cheating (as far as I know). It would be a deal breaker for me as it was the cause of my parents break up and I have zero tolerance for it. I know also that my nature is such that I wouldn't be able to move forward. I'm a very loyal and loving person, but if someone hurts me, I'm very unforgiving. Maybe not a great trait, but because I know this about myself, I know I'd have to end it.

Tothemoonandbackx · 04/04/2023 22:56

So which article are you writing for????? At least make a bit more effort to sound genuine!!!!!

GonnaBeYoniThisChristmas · 04/04/2023 22:56

Interesting to see the half/half split (so far) on votes.

We went through this and got past it - you never really get over it and it taints the relationship but ours wasn’t perfect to start with.

GrandTheftWalrus · 04/04/2023 23:05

I was. I tried to ignore it but then his behaviour got worse in different ways so I left.

ifeelimgoingmad · 04/04/2023 23:15

For me it would depend on a variety of factors.

How is the marriage before the cheating?
Was he honest or did you find out by other means?
To what extent was the cheating? Days, weeks, months or even years?
Does he seem genuinely sorry etc.

Yazo · 04/04/2023 23:18

Monogamous here but had a nightmare day at work because two colleagues, married to other people choose to also have a relationship with each other in our office which annoys the hell out of everyone with their constant flirting and whispering for years now. I feel so awful for their families but feel a bit powerless because they're management. Messy.

Nowthatlovehasperished · 04/04/2023 23:20

That I know of?

Four

caringcarer · 04/04/2023 23:29

My first husband cheated on me with much younger woman after we had been married for 21 years. I divorced him. I remarried a much nicer man and now much much happier.

charabang · 04/04/2023 23:29

I have had three long term relationships all in excess of 10 years plus; married to two of them and children with two of them. All cheated. I'm done with men.

Anskl · 04/04/2023 23:57

Married for 12 years. Never been cheated on to my knowledge. He has such a strong moral compass that he'd be gobsmacked if he ever did but then I'm sure I'm not the only one to trust their husband 100% only to have that trust betrayed. I don't think I could forgive because my perception of him would be so skewed I wouldn't be able to see a way forward.

Lily234 · 05/04/2023 00:05

Yes, I was cheated on. He later started treating me badly, accusing me of cheating, and said he wanted a divorce but made no movement to leave. He told our families that I had cheated on him. It was so strange that I did some digging and found that he was cheating on me. I filed for divorce and never looked back.

I never could have imagined him cheating. Everyone was stunned. All I can think is that I never knew the man I had married.

Original poster
WhatToDo82 · 05/04/2023 00:42

@Supernothing22 good for you and I really wish I was as strong as you are

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatToDo82 · 05/04/2023 00:43

@Anskl it honestly baffles me that when we first got married I was 100% sure for years and years that he would never so much as look at another woman. How wrong I was

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatToDo82 · 05/04/2023 00:45

@charabang i don’t blame you one bit. It feels like every man I’ve been with has cheated in some form or another and I’m very much a giver in a relationship, so have no idea what it was that they were missing - apart from a sense of morality

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatToDo82 · 05/04/2023 00:48

@Nowthatlovehasperished in all honesty I am aware of three. That is three that he has had sex with. It disgusts me to my core but I’m too weak to leave even though I have threatened it time and time again and kicked him out every time.

I know full well the actual number will be far greater than three. I’m repulsed now when I look at him and I’m pretty sure we are both just pretending the marriage is surviving when it’s not. It’s for men like these that I truly hope hell exists.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatToDo82 · 05/04/2023 00:56

@ifeelimgoingmad Marriage before the cheating was fine.

no he was not honest until presented with the evidence (phone numbers, messages, location history) and then and only then did he admit it

extent of the cheating (or the extent that I am aware of) was three separate instances of sex with escorts. I am fully aware there were most likely many more than three. He admitted he had done it prior to our relationship too. So I think it’s somewhat of an addiction and he will never stop. Once a punter always a punter or something like that.

we have been married 15 years. If it is three instances (the ones I know about are 2013, 2020 and 2022) then I am aware these were at times when we had been arguing and very unhappy/on the brink of separating and that doesn’t make it okay. He had either moved out temporarily or been kicked out. I now obviously fear that after every major argument we have he will turn to a prostitute - sickening

he is vile I know. Seems very sorry but I know he’s mainly sorry he got caught.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatToDo82 · 05/04/2023 00:58

@Tothemoonandbackx weird comment but for anyone doubting the credibility of my post they’re free to look at my other posts - Obviously not a journalist 🙄

OP posts:
Mumofgirl · 05/04/2023 08:07

I was cheated on for about 6 months prior to getting married. He was in North America with work the whole duration and she was about 20 years younger than him.

I found out about 6 weeks before our wedding but decided to go ahead and get married anyway. That was 3 and a half years ago. I lost quite a few friends making that decision and his family also stopped speaking to us and refused to come to the wedding (they never really liked me anyway).

Clarinet1 · 05/04/2023 08:40

Mumofgirl · 05/04/2023 08:07

I was cheated on for about 6 months prior to getting married. He was in North America with work the whole duration and she was about 20 years younger than him.

I found out about 6 weeks before our wedding but decided to go ahead and get married anyway. That was 3 and a half years ago. I lost quite a few friends making that decision and his family also stopped speaking to us and refused to come to the wedding (they never really liked me anyway).

May I ask how the marriage is now?

Swipe left for the next trending thread