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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed with this feline situation?

64 replies

Bunnyannesummers · 04/04/2023 12:30

A friend has gone away for a wedding and her cat sitter cancelled the week before. She asked me to feed her cats while she is away as it was an emergency. She knows I’ve never had a cat, don’t especially like them, have never met her cat and am not confident with cats in general. It is a 90 minute round trip from my house, 40 minutes round trip from my work. I do a mix of wfh and work from the office, about 50/50.

I agreed because she was desperate - the cats are not able to go into a cattery because they’re not up to date on vaccines. She doesn’t have many friends and doesn’t have anyone else to ask. No partner. I assumed cats needed to be fed once a day.

I went to collect the keys and she told me the cats needed to be fed three times a day!! But ‘twice would be fine if that’s all that fitted into my schedule’. She showed me an automatic feeder I could use and I said I would do my best. Unfortunately work then massively picked up (someone off sick and an audit) and I’m struggling to manage, taking a 2 hour lunch break and then rushing down to feed the cats.

Shes not left me enough cat food or cat litter so I will need to buy this.

The cats are obviously unhappy and lonely being left for 23+ hours a day and are causing damage to the property - they’ve damaged the couch and their scratching post, but I don’t know what I can do.

so AIBU to be annoyed that I’ve been left in this situation and does anyone have any ideas on how I can make this week more bearable for the cats? I’m feeling very guilty about them having a crap week, but I can’t spend 3+ hours a day on cat care. She only gave me the instructions and keys two hours before she went away so I didn’t have a lot of time to digest what an issue it was before she was gone.

OP posts:

AlltheFs · 04/04/2023 12:34

How long is she gone for?

I’m a cat person but this is completely unreasonable.

Feed them once a day, twice if you can. They won’t come to harm with that even if it’s not what they are used to. But I’d message her about the cat food and litter situation- are you sure there isn’t more stored somewhere?

Damage is not your problem. There’s a reason this person has no friends and can’t ask a neighbour like a normal person….

Nimbostratus100 · 04/04/2023 12:34

once a day should be fine, and any issues and damage they cause is her problem, not yours,

she should be grateful you have stood in at the 11th hour and made it possible for her to get away.

Xjshdvf · 04/04/2023 12:36

I wouldn’t have agreed to this based on the journey. Could you stay at hers instead as it just seems ridiculous to drive so long

Obki · 04/04/2023 12:37

YANBU. The damaged furniture serves her right, she should have cancelled her trip.

PussBilledDuckyPlait · 04/04/2023 12:39

Try leaving a radio on for them, to give them some background noise.

WunWun · 04/04/2023 12:39

As a cat person I can tell you it's absolutely fine to feed them once a day. If they have damaged the house they were doing it anyway. They aren't dogs. They're fine.

AnnaMagnani · 04/04/2023 12:42

For cattery it is fine even to have them jabbed on the way to the cattery yes, learnt this after I forgot one year

The cats are unhappy as they are at home and their routine with their mum isn't there, it's totally confusing for them. There isn't really anything you can do about this, even if you moved in you aren't their cat mum!

Feed once a day, tell her the cats were desperately unhappy without her there and never ever do it again.

WeeOrcadian · 04/04/2023 12:43

Feed them enough food once a day - they should be fine. Cats, unlike dogs, can self control their food intake and won't gulp it all down in one.

Your 'friend' is an arsehole and you'd be as well to refuse any further help - she's an entitled fucker.

Frogdoglog · 04/04/2023 12:46

I’m currently cat sitting a friends cat, she lives 2 minutes away and I have to feed the cat once a day even so it’s a massive pain in the arse (I don’t mind doing her a favour but it’s still a pain in the arse!) can’t believe someone would expect you to drive all that way twice a day. They could probably have found a professional sitter who would do pop in visit at short notice.

Scoobydoobydoobydoo0987 · 04/04/2023 12:48

I have 5 cats, and I'd advise to feed them once a day. They'll be fine for a short period. Also, make sure they have access to plenty of fresh water each day. It's really unfair of her to expect you to go 2/3 times a day and not leave enough supplies. I hope she is paying you for your time?!

AnnaMagnani · 04/04/2023 12:53

Cats, unlike dogs, can self control their food intake and won't gulp it all down in one

Could you please tell my cat this?

SofiaSoFar · 04/04/2023 12:57

It's unmanageable, clearly.

Not your fault, it's your "friend's" fault.

I'd tell her to get her arse home quick sharp, or drop them off at a shelter, maybe, if they can't go in kennels.

Original poster

Bunnyannesummers · 04/04/2023 12:57

No other food or cat litter stored, it’s a small flat so nowhere else it can be. She’s away until Friday night, from Thursday just gone.

I can’t stay at I’ve got my own pets/look after my niece in the evenings over Easter (and can’t work from there, I need really good wifi to make our horrible internal systems run without crashing).

You’ve reassured me they won’t come to too much harm with my approach. I wish they were dogs - at least then I’d know what I was doing!

I’ve left extra water out as it must get warm in the flat - they’re indoor cats only so I can’t open any windows or anything. I’ll try to hunt down a radio for a bit of entertainment for them.

OP posts:

Kellogscorncrakes · 04/04/2023 12:58

If they've got an auto feeder there's no need for you to go more than once a day, just set it to go off for the evening or something. The cats won't die being on their own for a while. I can't believe you agreed to this given the distance! Your friend is a cf for even asking

Queeniewag · 04/04/2023 13:06

Once a day is fine - I’ve got cats. Just leave plenty food and water out. Damage to the house is her problem. Can’t believe she expected you to do 3 round trips!

Quitelikeacatslife · 04/04/2023 13:10

I've just asked my sister to feed my cat twice a day but she literally lives down the road and passes my food to go anywhere. I realise it it a pain. I would be totally fine with once a day visit with a timer set 12 hours later (it's just the timer is a faff)

Dogscanteatonions · 04/04/2023 13:13

Your friend was ridiculous to think you should feel them 3 times a day! They'll be completely fine being fed once a day. I would want reimbursing for petrol costs as well as the food and cat litter you have to buy.

Original poster

Bunnyannesummers · 04/04/2023 13:18

Kellogscorncrakes · 04/04/2023 12:58

That’s what I’ve been doing - go at lunch, give half the food, set it to go off in the evening with the other half.

The distance is inconvenient but i was trying to be a good friend, so that’s a lesson learnt for me.

OP posts:

ASixPackAndTheRadio · 04/04/2023 13:19

Your friend is an irresponsible animal owner and a shit friend. I’d do it for the poor cats, no choice really and that’s what your friend was relying on. I would absolutely wipe the floor with this ‘friend’ when she’s home.

TravellingJack · 04/04/2023 13:22

There are so many cat sitters (independent or through an agency) out there, a cattery is not the only option! They might cost about £10-15 per visit for two cats (I've only got one and it's usually been £8-10). I'd message and tell her it's not possible for you to continue and that she needs to book a sitter immediately for the rest of her trip. Your last trip will be to meet the sitter and give them a key. I'd also mention that you're out of pocket by £xx on food, litter and travel so far, not even considering your time, and ask her to transfer that by the end of the week, otherwise you'll probably not see it.

TravellingJack · 04/04/2023 13:25

Sorry, I did see that her original sitter has cancelled! I doubt they were the only local option though. I'm in quite a small town and there are probably over a hundred sitters available through Cat In A Flat.

Franklin2000 · 04/04/2023 13:26

message and ask her to transfer money before you buy food and litter. I can’t believe someone would ask you to drive all that way, 3 times a day, and not even having the decency to make sure you’ve got enough supplies!! Go once a day, set the automatic feeder, damage is her problem. I can’t believe some people.

mintbiscuit · 04/04/2023 13:30

Your friend is a cheeky fucker who didn’t want to pay for proper cat care.

Ponderingwindow · 04/04/2023 13:33

I have had cats my entire life. There are some cats that have to be on strict diets, but most can handle free feeding with dry kibble. Wet food can only be given at set times because it goes bad if left out.

When we travel we put out extra water dishes and extra food dishes. Even with a cat sitter, you don’t want to rely too much on the visits being perfectly timed or the cats being cooperative with those visits.

I would message your friend and ask if there is any reason you can’t leave out some extra food and water as a backup. If you can, just make sure the water can’t be spilled. Cats love to spill water.

Nimbostratus100 · 04/04/2023 13:35

main concern would be the internal doors, propped open to access food. water and litter tray - make sure they cant accidently trap themselves anywhere - and if a room is particularly precious, easily damaged, then make sure the door is firmly shut with the cats out of it!

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