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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with this feline situation?

64 replies

Bunnyannesummers · 04/04/2023 12:30

A friend has gone away for a wedding and her cat sitter cancelled the week before. She asked me to feed her cats while she is away as it was an emergency. She knows I’ve never had a cat, don’t especially like them, have never met her cat and am not confident with cats in general. It is a 90 minute round trip from my house, 40 minutes round trip from my work. I do a mix of wfh and work from the office, about 50/50.

I agreed because she was desperate - the cats are not able to go into a cattery because they’re not up to date on vaccines. She doesn’t have many friends and doesn’t have anyone else to ask. No partner. I assumed cats needed to be fed once a day.

I went to collect the keys and she told me the cats needed to be fed three times a day!! But ‘twice would be fine if that’s all that fitted into my schedule’. She showed me an automatic feeder I could use and I said I would do my best. Unfortunately work then massively picked up (someone off sick and an audit) and I’m struggling to manage, taking a 2 hour lunch break and then rushing down to feed the cats.

Shes not left me enough cat food or cat litter so I will need to buy this.

The cats are obviously unhappy and lonely being left for 23+ hours a day and are causing damage to the property - they’ve damaged the couch and their scratching post, but I don’t know what I can do.

so AIBU to be annoyed that I’ve been left in this situation and does anyone have any ideas on how I can make this week more bearable for the cats? I’m feeling very guilty about them having a crap week, but I can’t spend 3+ hours a day on cat care. She only gave me the instructions and keys two hours before she went away so I didn’t have a lot of time to digest what an issue it was before she was gone.

OP posts:
Bleakhouser · 04/04/2023 13:45

WeeOrcadian · 04/04/2023 12:43

Feed them enough food once a day - they should be fine. Cats, unlike dogs, can self control their food intake and won't gulp it all down in one.

Your 'friend' is an arsehole and you'd be as well to refuse any further help - she's an entitled fucker.

Haha my cats would beg to differ, food doesn’t last a minute

Findyourneutralspace · 04/04/2023 13:49

That’s a rubbish situation and completely unfair on you and the cats.
You could put Cat TV on YouTube on the TV for them, to give them something to focus on. Some of them are about 8 hours long so it would keep them going for a while.
Most cats are fine with biscuits left out as long as there is plenty of water or lactose free milk available to them.

Inertia · 04/04/2023 14:12

You’re going miles out of your way to do this. I would keep fuel receipts as well as receipts for the food and litter, because your fuel costs will really mount up.

Feeding once a day is fine, especially if the automatic feeder works for another feed. You can leave dry kibble out all day and change every /4 hours if there’s some left.

Does the cat have one of those puzzle feeders? It’s possible to buy little plastic balls or bigger cardboard tubes that you put dreamies into , and the cat has to figure out how to get to the dreamies. Might entertain the cat a bit more.

illtakeit · 04/04/2023 14:23

I also can't believe you agreed given the distance! 90 minutes? You're a really good friend.

BungleandGeorge · 04/04/2023 14:27

Is she abroad? Have you been in touch with her? I’d just text and say they’ve caused some damage and seem a bit unhappy. She can come home then if she feels it’s necessary.
most cats are absolutely fine being left (especially as it sounds like it’s not a solo cat). They do scratch and damage things, that’s just cats for you! It’s not necessarily an indicator of something wrong. A cat sitter wouldn’t be doing much else for them

Jadviga · 04/04/2023 14:30

I'm confused by the whole set up. Cats are usually perfectly fine with free access to food, you don't need to measure out exact amounts. And if you live that far it would have been far more sensible for you to take her cats home and keep them there for the duration. Unless you have other pets that can't stand them (even then you could lock them in a separate part of the house).

watcherintherye · 04/04/2023 14:32

What’s the betting she’ll have some complaint or other about some aspect of how you’ve been looking after her cats, when she gets back?

gogohmm · 04/04/2023 14:33

Once a day or even every other day is fine for a short period, just put out lots of water and a pile of dry food. Our dcat coped fine, we don't have anyone local to look in and quite frankly it's not even our cat, it's dsd's

Quisquam · 04/04/2023 14:34

Cats, unlike dogs, can self control their food intake and won't gulp it all down in one

Maybe some can; one of mine can’t. Both ex feral cats, with food anxiety for a long time! We have to feed his sister in the lounge; otherwise he pushes her out of the way and eats her dinner first, then his own. As it is, he takes a few mouthfuls of his own; and then does his best to get into the lounge to get hers - scratching the door, trying to open it….which he can do! He’s like Houdini in reverse!

When we go out, we leave them dry food - it’s gone before we leave the house!

As for OP, I’d make one visit to give them one wet pouch each for dinner and dry food for tomorrow’s breakfast! No way would I feed three times a day! As for furniture, scratching is an occupational hazard with cats; nobody should get a cat, if they can’t accept it. (Mine have access to the big outdoors and a scratching post. Why do they scratch the furniture - to show us, their displeasure at not enough treats)

My cattery accepts cats within 3 months of the expiry date of the last vaccinations, because there is still some protection.

Neededanewuserhandle · 04/04/2023 14:35

AnnaMagnani · 04/04/2023 12:53

Cats, unlike dogs, can self control their food intake and won't gulp it all down in one

Could you please tell my cat this?

Ha ha yeah, and our dog who totally self-regulates.

Jux · 04/04/2023 14:37

Agree they'll be fine on one meal a day especially as they have an automatic feeder. I'd not worry about hunting out a radio especially - if she's got a tv that'll do fine. They just need human voices going on; having said that our ccats quite like watching the tv and will get v interested in D Attenborugh progs if there's birds! Put the tv on quietly and leave it on BBC1 or something, or the Wildlife Channel (if there is one!).

We have 4 cats and I've realised the only person I would ask to look after them if we went away would be dd as it's entirely her doing that we have 4 and not 2! I would dream of asking even a close friend to drive to my house once day to deal with cats, and as for expecting someone else to deal with cat litter - NO! I simply wouldn't do it.

OhmygodDont · 04/04/2023 14:41

My cat sitter comes in every other day unless it’s stupid hot. We just set up a mountain of bowls of food and water dog sized bowls and fill them right to the top.

They also have free access to a catio.

diddl · 04/04/2023 14:59

When our cat wasn't up to date with vaccines she had an area to herself until the cattery owner took her to a vet & got her vaccinated (was going anyway).

Something else probably could have been sorted if she had tried hard enough!

2bazookas · 04/04/2023 15:05

I AM a cat person and she is being a completely OTT unreasonable CF

Weddings don't happen at no notice, so she had plenty of time to get the cats vaccinated so they could go to kennels. I can't believe she expected 3x day feeding , AT THAT DISTANCE< and didn't even leave enough food!!!!!

I would fill one washing up bowl with dry cat food, and another with water, and leave them to it. It will last a week and they won't starve or dehydrate.

If her place gets wrecked by her cats too bad; not your problem. They can shit all over the house, because she didn't leave cat litter. Not your problem.

Send her the bill for the cat food and and your petrol.

Zizz · 04/04/2023 16:14

"She doesn't have many friends" - well, I'm not surprised!

I agreed to look after my sister's cat, then forgot. She went away at the weekend and phoned the following Thursday to see how things were going. I let out a shriek of horror, hung up the phone and scorched over to her house, sobbing with guilt.

The cat was fine, and not even that hungry or pleased to see me.

Feed them once a day and sellotape a few crunched-up binbags around the furniture they're scratching. They sleep all day and won't die of boredom.

Bear in mind that if you do a great job, she'll ask you next time.

Original poster
Bunnyannesummers · 04/04/2023 16:21

Jadviga · 04/04/2023 14:30

I'm confused by the whole set up. Cats are usually perfectly fine with free access to food, you don't need to measure out exact amounts. And if you live that far it would have been far more sensible for you to take her cats home and keep them there for the duration. Unless you have other pets that can't stand them (even then you could lock them in a separate part of the house).

Well I didn’t know about the free access to food - as I say I’ve got no clue about cats! Literally any other animal fine but cats not so much. She gave me very prescribed amounts for each cat each day which I took as normal till the lovely people of mumsnet told me otherwise.

I can’t have the cats at my house as I’ve got three dogs, a parrot and temporary custody of three hamsters and the layout doesn’t work.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bunnyannesummers · 04/04/2023 16:26

Thank you all very much - I feel very reassured that the cats won’t come to any terrible harm with minimal human contact and being fed twice a day, once by automatic feeder.

Ive put out extra water and scattered treats around the living room for them to find to try and give them some enrichment.

I will also not be attempting to change the cat litter again, after I did it today, shut the cats in the living room as her instruction, then went down to the courtyard from her fire escape to put the cat little litter filled bin bag in the communal bin - only to look up and see a cat on the fire escape having opened the living room door!! Thankfully he was easily chased back in but I got a fright, so won’t be attempting that again.

Lesson learnt not to be a mug.

OP posts:
Bearpawk · 04/04/2023 16:29

I can't believe you actually agreed to this 😂

Quisquam · 04/04/2023 16:34

I have a reciprocal arrangement with a neighbour over cat sitting, when either of us is away. We both leave nappy sacks and a little shovel to clear up the little piles of poo in the cat litter, and put it in the kitchen bin. If the litter is clearly soaked in patches, then we leave bin liners for the other to empty the whole litter into, and put the filled bin liner in the kitchen bin. Personal waste is supposed to be double wrapped anyway, and I'd never put a bin liner with cat litter straight into the wheelie bin.

BungleandGeorge · 04/04/2023 16:34

Have you been changing the entire litter tray every day?

TheInterceptor · 04/04/2023 16:39

Could you bring them back to yours and have them in a spare room/garage/utility? No different to a cattery, and a lot less hassle for you. She can pay to have the carpet cleaned!

Murdoch1949 · 04/04/2023 16:48

Go after work. Feed wet food pouches, one per cat, then leave big bowl of dry food and bowl of water. If they eat the wet food while you're there, you could replenish it before you leave. Keep them confined to one room if you can, or shut all doors so they can move about but not get into all the rooms. They sleep most of day. Never, ever, agree to do this again.

TellHimDirectlyInDetail · 04/04/2023 16:52

She should have asked a neighbour. I can't believe she asked you knowing the distance....that's ridiculous. I hope she at least gets a big thank you gift when you get back.

Original poster
Bunnyannesummers · 04/04/2023 17:27

BungleandGeorge · 04/04/2023 16:34

Have you been changing the entire litter tray every day?

No I’ve only done it once, but did move the litter sack and realised there was far too little in it to last the week anyway

OP posts:
Original poster
Bunnyannesummers · 04/04/2023 17:29

Quisquam · 04/04/2023 16:34

I have a reciprocal arrangement with a neighbour over cat sitting, when either of us is away. We both leave nappy sacks and a little shovel to clear up the little piles of poo in the cat litter, and put it in the kitchen bin. If the litter is clearly soaked in patches, then we leave bin liners for the other to empty the whole litter into, and put the filled bin liner in the kitchen bin. Personal waste is supposed to be double wrapped anyway, and I'd never put a bin liner with cat litter straight into the wheelie bin.

I’ve no idea about cats as I’ve said so no idea on the norm! She told me I could scoop or empty the whole thing in the kitchen bin and then take it down the communal bin - but after today it can just wait till she gets back to be honest.

OP posts: