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Original poster

He keeps going through my phone

49 replies

SoThatsHowItIs · 04/04/2023 12:02

OH called me tonight (long distance relationship) and eventually brought up my communications with a friend who happens to be male (I am female). Given what he said, it’s obvious he’s been through my phone AGAIN! I know I need to kick this dick to the curb. Enough is enough in this very long and ridiculous charade of a “relationship”. Please, MN, lend me your strength and solidarity! Thank you all in advance 😩🙏🏽❤️

OP posts:
TheSandgroper · 04/04/2023 12:06

I will say it. You don’t need it.

Find someone who is happy to include respect for you in his love language.

flipent · 04/04/2023 12:06

How is he getting access to your phone? Do you have any passcode or biometric lock on it?

BIWI · 04/04/2023 12:07

Get rid of him!

RatherBeRiding · 04/04/2023 12:09

I don't understand how he is accessing your phone? Given that this has happened before and you obviously know he does it, why haven't you changed your password before now?

That aside - he doesn't respect you. Time to move on.

G58 · 04/04/2023 12:14

Accessing your personal stuff without asking and then trying to restrict who you can and can't see would both have me ending the relationship. The guy will only get worse if you put up with his behaviour.

chevvyroo · 04/04/2023 12:18

The fucking liberty? Who does he think he is, to police your phone and life? Can you ask yourself honestly OP, what is stopping you from finishing it, you know this is all kinds of wrong. What did you say when he brought it up?

And yes, how is he accessing your phone from afar??

chevvyroo · 04/04/2023 12:19

Call him back, tell him you are ending the relationship and ENJOY that moment. Then get your phone checked for spyware. Good luck.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 04/04/2023 12:21

Why is he going through your phone? Personally that's something I would not be tolerating but its standard MN advice if you think anything may be amiss or a partner is maybe a little to friendly with someone else

Original poster
SoThatsHowItIs · 04/04/2023 12:28

I’ve changed my passcode more times than I can count. Thank you, everyone. I especially love the idea of calling him, ending it and enjoying that moment. I have been asking myself, “what does he give me that I can’t live without?”
Anytime I bring it up he blasts me with DARVO tactics. I’m not a moron. Time for me to prove it!!!

OP posts:
flipent · 04/04/2023 12:29

Would absolutely agree with pp then - you need to get your phone checked for spyware.

crumpet · 04/04/2023 12:29

You don’t need to continue the conversation after you have told him it’s over. You can end the call and then block him. Don’t wait for Darvo, or excuses/explanations.

Original poster
SoThatsHowItIs · 04/04/2023 12:30

Good point, everyone, re spyware. Forgive my ignorance, but how do I go about doing that?

OP posts:
unclebuck · 04/04/2023 12:33

Send your male friend a text telling him your dumping your boyfriend and let him find out himself 😂

WeeOrcadian · 04/04/2023 12:34

If you're long distance - how is he accessing your phone? Could he have cloned your phone? Yes to spyware - a local 'phone shop might be a good place to start

You've said it yourself - kick him to the kerb - then enjoy your freedom!

TempNCforthis · 04/04/2023 12:34

How is he accessing your phone? Is it connected to an iPod which he owns? He can clearly see your messages but can he see them when he's not at your house?

Original poster
SoThatsHowItIs · 04/04/2023 12:34

@unclebuck oh my dear lawd, that actually made me chuckle. Die hard John Candy fan btw, so especially fab 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
SoThatsHowItIs · 04/04/2023 12:38

Thank you, everyone. It’s long distance, but despite that, there’s the expectation that we see each other “regularly”. I have nothing to hide, so sometimes I fall asleep/leave the room etc with my phone unlocked. He obviously takes his chances and also creates fantasies re my friendships.

OP posts:
onefinemess · 04/04/2023 13:21

Under the Computer Misuse Act 1990 it is a CRIMINAL offence to access another person's phone without their permission.

That includes partners.

Urghfedup · 04/04/2023 13:24

Check the calculator app on your phone that’s how my partner put spyware on my phone. You can take to some domestic violence charities and they’ll take it off.

Original poster
SoThatsHowItIs · 04/04/2023 13:29

Oh my goodness…thank you, everyone. Truly. X

OP posts:
Original poster
SoThatsHowItIs · 04/04/2023 13:30

@Urghfedup may I ask, how would I know in regards to the calculator app?? TIA xx

OP posts:
Irritateandunreasonable · 04/04/2023 13:32

I’m F**k me is he spying on your phone?

Why on earth would you stay with him after the first time?

pickledandpuzzled · 04/04/2023 13:33

Do get some help with this before you do anything. I know you are laughing about it, but it's properly abusive and he may escalate if you finish things without having protected yourself.

Even if he just blocks your access to your accounts , it's a pain in the arse.

I know someone who was locked out of her business FB by an irritated partner. Caused no end of hassle and financial hardship.

Likethestarsabove547 · 04/04/2023 13:34

Drop him like you'd drop a hot potato