He keeps going through my phone

[SoThatsHowItIs]

OH called me tonight (long distance relationship) and eventually brought up my communications with a friend who happens to be male (I am female). Given what he said, it’s obvious he’s been through my phone AGAIN! I know I need to kick this dick to the curb. Enough is enough in this very long and ridiculous charade of a “relationship”. Please, MN, lend me your strength and solidarity! Thank you all in advance 😩🙏🏽❤️

quite

whats the history? Have you cheated? Have you had emotional affairs? Has he been asking for advice on here?

need a bit more info to really know, but I’m sure you’ll get the “dump him immediately“ posters responding. They might be right, we just don’t know yet

So he's only checking your phone when he's physically with you, not remotely. Either way dump the controlling twat. I was in a happy LDR for 5 years, I have more male friends than female and DH never thought to check up on me.

I was married for ten years before divorcing and eventually meeting him. We’ve been together nearly two years now. I’ve been an open book. He, on the other hand, has lied and been manipulative consistently. I know I need to end this. My marriage was abusive and traumatic. Obviously this made me an easy target. I know what I need to do…I’m here on this thread for the encouragement and “hand hold” to go through with it. Anyone who’s been in a DV relationship I’m sure will understand. Thank you, everyone xx

Block him and delete his number
Find yourself a local or online freedom programme to help you avoid this in your next relationship as well; would suggest not dating for a while and seeking therapy

@Shoxfordian I appreciate what you’re saying, but it’s easier said than done

I don’t think you can just block and delete someone you’re in a relationship with - he will turn up at your house uninvited to demand answers, so I wouldn’t agree with that advice. Tell him that without trust there is absolutely nothing and it’s clear he doesn’t trust you. He’s already had a second chance and there won’t be a third. Tell him not to bother visiting as you won’t answer. Then block him. Tell all of your family and friends not to engage with him. Then get a Ring bell if you don’t already have one so you can ignore him if he turns up. Then go through all the apps on your phone and delete anything you didn’t add. Change all your social media passwords.

You’re absolutely right to get rid of him.

@Merangutan thank you…absolutely sound advice that I would give to anyone else…you obviously get where I’m coming from. Thank you X

Surely the easiest kind of relationship to end is a LDR?

@Ktime I also would have thought so at one point. Lived experience has proved otherwise.

We live hours apart. The distance is “doable” within a day, but not at all convenient or easy.

And obviously he knows where I live. Honestly, we could reside on opposite poles and he’d still find a way to harass me…which in itself speaks volumes. As mentioned earlier, I know what must be done…doesn’t mitigate the fear, hence my reaching out for support

Op please disregard my last post. You have made your mind up, I understand why. I wish you all the best and if you’re looking for support and a handhold to leave a bad relationship then you have come to the best place for it.

hence my reaching out for support

Do what I did when I had a difficult situation with DP. I'd posted about it on another forum (before MN existed!) and got all the same support you're getting. So end it, but when you do, imagine all of us standing right behind you supporting you. Because we're there in spirit, so use our strength.

Sorry but you don’t actually sound remotely bothered by any of what you’re posting, it just sounds like an Instagram advert. I’m not sure what you need MN strength for. It doesn’t come across authentic to me in any way.

Thank you @FloydPepper. I truly get any previous cynicism btw. X

I broke up with someone long distance who accessed my cctv, phone etc. I did the following…

dump him! I received ongoing threats of turning up at my house but I made clear I would ring the police if he did, he never turned up

either go to an IT professional or in my case I had a friend who worked in IT who did a full check on my cctv, phone, laptop and router to ensure he had not got access and I changed my password on everything

@Gymnopedie oh my goodness….that really hit me…thank you so so much ♥️♥️♥️

No, you don’t need to prove it. What an utter waste of time.
You don’t need proof of anything to break up, just do it.

OP, please change your passwords for ALL social media accounts BEFORE you dump him, just in case he has wangled remote access. Also, if possible, take your phone/tablet/laptop (whatever he's had free access to) to a reputable store in your area to have them tested for spyware. Airtags could also be a worry. Domestic violence charities/Women's Aid will have some good advice on this topic and could give you local pointers. Sounds like you're ready to shed a deadweight. 💐

@Temporaryname158 thank you. That’s very good advice. I actually know a couple of people in IT, but hadn’t thought of that…this is what this sort of situation does to a person…gives you a sort of brain fog. Thank you xx

Most women on this site go through their partners phones. Why do you think it’s so wrong when it happens to you?

@Albiboba and @possomblossom thank you so much. You’re all giving me so much strength xx

I have to say that the difference in responses here to those other threads is very funny.

I actually stumbled on it on his phone as I’m dyslexic and need the calculator almost constantly. I picked up what I thought was my phone (we had matching phones)and opened the calculator app to be confronted by all my messages. He could read them all incoming and outgoing. I’m not very tech savvy and was very naive so tried to dismiss it for years but I kept having odd coincidence where he knew things before I told him. He could have looked at my phone anytime as he had isolated me to point I had no friends anymore so hardly had any messages to read anyway.