Sometimes feel that colleagues don't want to work with me

[Gooooo]

It's in a care home setting, several of them do but I've noticed that it'll always be the same friends working together.
We have residents who require two carers, known as the 'doubles' and then the 'singles'.
I've been there a few months and there are people who've been there a few years but who also socialise outside of work together.
On many shifts it'll be them two who say to me 'We're going to do the doubles together, could you do the singles."

Or if I offer to do the 'doubles', they will just say 'No it's ok, we'll do them.'

I don't think I'm awful at the job and surely would have not been kept on if I am, and people say I'm hardworking.
I think it is just a case of friends wanting to work together which seems very juvenile and school-like, I don't really care who I work with.

It can just be a bit isolating sometimes as I am working on my own most of the time. Which I don't mind, but it would be nice to build connections and work with people a bit more.
Care homes can be very cliquey sadly, not sure what I could do.

I worked in care for a time and had this happen to me.
My first shift, I was due to shadow the lead carer and her words were ‘I can’t deal with this today’ and I felt like shit. Bear in mind I’m a hard worker and I was 39 at the time.

People would ask to swap floors to work with their friends and do the doubles and it is shitty and feels like high school all over again.

All I can say is fake it til you make it. Someone will be off sick or a situation will crop up or you just need to muscle in and say no, I need to learn the double procedure and get on side.

It is a tough gig and no place for childish behaviour- good luck!

Not all residents do this. Many are perfectly lovely interesting people. And the ops colleagues are not her friends are they. They're her colleagues.

Working a shift where the only people you speak to are very elderly with dementia or non verbal or whatever the situation can be isolating, surely you can see that?

I have a clinical role and even if I've spent all day seeing patients who are able bodied, good chat, pleasant to be around I'm still seeing patients not having a social interaction.

There's a big difference between interacting with a patient and having a chat with a colleague and it doesn't mean anyone is ableist just that the dynamic between patient and carer or clinician is different to that between colleagues

I've done it myself. What I did learn is not everybody is the same, some people are non verbal, some people do have dementia. It's not the only thing that defines them as individuals. And have a chat with a colleague when you absolutely should be interacting with the person you are supporting is actually ableist.

Surely you can see that...

Are there other care homes near you? Maybe change jobs.

I work solo with patients, I speak to colleagues between patients and at lunch which is what I'm talking about. I'm imagine someone focussing on the patient while carrying out their care tasks and having a natter on the way to the next patients room, not talking over the head of someone as you tend to them as though they weren't there which seems to be what you're imagining. Which WOULD absolutely be rude, ableist and unprofessional! If that's what's happening it's much more serious than a colleague being left out.

I agree with others -
Work can be long and boring so anything that makes it go faster is a plus - having a chat and a laugh with close friend is unfortunately more fun than making stilted small talk with someone you don't know very well

I used to do the same thing in an old job where we used to have to travel a lot and do overnighters - we would always try to go with our friends if possible -it's human nature surely?

I fully appreciate that it's not fair on you though.

I suppose the only thing you can say is to be upfront as a pp has said and ask if you can do a double together sometimes because it gets a bit isolating. Or focus on making more of an effort with the other people who aren't so partnered up.

I don't think you can say anything about them asking a friend to do something with them that only needs 1 person, like the meds -as long as the friend is happy to do it and it doesn't leave the rest of you understaffed it will just come across as a bit petty.

My mum was receiving care at home. I preferred it when the double handed care was given by people who weren't too friendly with each other as the care provided was better. I think when they are both very good carers and work together then it's great for them and the patient as they know how they work but if they are not and work together its not good for the patient. If one of these two were off and had to work with someone else the level of care was different.

Before I contribute to the derailing: OP your colleagues are being out of order and unprofessional, sadly common in the sector. And your manager is lazy and shortsighted because this nonsense is exactly how not to build a team.
If you're looking for a close-knit team environment, I'd suggest working agency for a while - you'll quickly get to experience every facility in your area and once you've found 'the one' you can apply for perm.

...on to the derail: Coming from a learning difficulties perspective, many of our residents are non-verbal but engaged. We recognise this and staff are encouraged to chit chat together and include the non-verbal person (ie: 'blah blah blah like we saw at the shops last week eh resident?) because we can see that they are enjoying the social time even if they can't/don't want to actively participate.

People love to throw accusations of ableism around while making it glaringly obvious that they've never met, let alone cared for, a profoundly impaired residential care user.

Agree that allocating residents to carers is a very good idea. It shouldn't be carers picking and choosing who they assist.

I think you need a chat with the manager. You are being perfectly reasonable

They shouldn't be leaving the ' difficult' resident to me every shift, just because he takes time. It should be allocated

People love to throw accusations of ableism around while making it glaringly obvious that they've never met, let alone cared for, a profoundly impaired residential care user.

It is ableist to assume that all residents who need care are the same. Yes that may be the case for some people with profound learning disabilities. But it's not the case for everyone.

I used to work in care - if you always double up with the same colleagues it makes it so much easier because you can do it without talking to each other too much, you already know what the other person is thinking/about to do.

It may just be that.

This is exactly what I imagined when comparing it to my experience of working on my current (unrelated) role.

When you have a colleague that you work well with, it's just easy and straightforward. I would absolutely choose that over working with someone without that shared understanding. Everything takes that bit longer and it's just more awkward. It's not personal at all - but it makes sense to get people to play to their strengths. If two people work well together, it makes sense to put them together where possible. If one person has an easier affinity with a harder client, then it makes sense for them to take on that role.

Also, it's better for the people that need care to regularly have the same carers - a friend with MND got fed up having to explain things when his regular carer left and they filled the gap with whoever they could find with a spare half an hour.

And that is no excuse.

Why not?

The best places I have worked for take into account people's strengths and organise them accordingly - so that work gets done efficiently and well. Why is that not okay in a care setting?

It's a good reason though.

OP, that sounds so familiar I would think that you worked at my place of work. I've had it both ways. Some shifts you're working happily away in two's, chatting with residents and and your colleague, getting through everyone's pad checks, personal care and toiletting in good time, swapping with other staff members on who's doing double and singles so everyone has a pleasant shift and then the next day, their mate is back and you're completely ignored and sent off to do all the less desirable care tasks alone and deal with the resident who won't wash and makes lewd gestures and remarks to staff or the lady who takes so much time because she's so particular (demanding you do the same tasks over and over even though it's done just as she's asked).
You also get the pleasure of walking into a room and both colleagues suddenly stop talking because you know full well they're discussing you or talking about a certain job or resident they don't want to do and how they can just make you go. Or there's eye rolling when you say something as if they think you can't bloody see them.

It's cliquish. Definitely on them, not you.

That said - does the work load differ depending on whether you're doing singles or one half of a double? E.g., more heavy lifting? More tasks altogether? That would give you a valid reason for pushing back, rather than just objecting to their childishness.

Because it’s cliquey, and that damages morale. And it’s lonely for staff who aren’t in the clique - especially if they get the worst jobs. It’s appalling management.

Probably this isn't deliberate at all it's just that they are friends and like working together - nothing against you. Could you speak to the shift lead privately and say you'd like more experience could s/he arrange a few doubles for you?

It's only appalling management if it's done badly. Done well, and people enjoy good job satisfaction as they are doing what they excel at.

And as far as cliques go - have you been outside of a clique at your work and thought they were the people you would want to spend your time with? I never have. The kind of people that are unwelcoming to newcomers have never come close to being people I want to spend time with.

If you are at a workplace where everyone is part of a clique where your face doesn't fit, then I would suggest hunting for a new place to go. It's unlikely to improve any time soon.

Because it’s cliquey, and that damages morale. And it’s lonely for staff who aren’t in the clique - especially if they get the worst jobs. It’s appalling management.

Do you think those staff will feel less lonely if they manage to successfully stop people who work well together from working together?

Because it won't work. They won't feel happier with a forced partnership. 🤷‍♀️

I understand your point OP. Some work environments cultivate a cliquey culture. When these behaviours become engrained and normalised it is difficult to address it. You are not 'overthinking' 'reading too much into it' 'taking it personally'... these are real workplace issues and they are actually happening to you.

Some colleagues lack the emotional intelligence to conduct themselves in any other way. I have come across this loads in my line of work. Dysfunctional dynamics which on the surface appear harmless and rational.

Sadly if you force it and separate the 'dynamic duo' they may begin to resent you.