Do you find it hard to let go of the former parts/phases of your child?

[Godwhatswrongwithme]

Hard to explain what I mean…Dd will be 5 in summer, she’s fantastic and means more to me than anything else in the world. But I sometimes miss the smaller version of her, she’s very intense and strong willed at this age but was calm, gentle and easier as a 1-3.5 year old. I just miss the baby her, then the toddler her etc
I live in the moment and love where we’re at and who she is, but it’s like I miss the old versions of her?
Does anyone else get this?

Yes, I totally get what you mean. Without meaning to use the term flippantly, it's almost like a kind of grief. The baby/toddler them is gone forever, and I really struggle to think about that!

@WorstMumSadMum That’s exactly it, it’s so sad sometimes when I really think about it

Yes all the time. The antidote is to remind yourself that you’ll also look back on now as a time that’s gone.

My kids are now late teens and I still love them and think about them at all the stages of their lives.

Oh god, of course! I adore the funny, creative, idealistic young woman she's growing into. But I so miss my giggly, lively little girl, who danced; and the string willed toddler who jumped in puddles and loved Winnie the Pooh; and the podgy baby who only ever wanted me.

I adored all the versions of her. Of course I miss them.

@FullBloom Its true..:I just wasn’t prepared for an almost full personality change, in a way 😬Does that happen all the way through?

Oh yes. I have 3 teenagers. I would love to have them all small again - just for a day. 3 under 5 was hard work but by god I'd go back in a heartbeat.

Yes, absolutely. I still feel the same pang of loss at mine being 30! It's like you love them so very completely and don't want to miss any of them, then suddenly they are 5, 9, 15 and each moving on stage tugs at the invisible cord that remains. I have just left my adult DC and full of joy but strongly sense the loss. It's a strange thing.

I also get scared I won’t remember. I obviously have lots and lots of photos but can’t remember the things she said really or how she talked 😔

Yes same. DS just turned 4 and I’m trying so hard to be in the moment, but I miss never getting those firsts again. It’s all amazing. I’m sobbing regularly about the fact he’s going to start school soon and we’ll not have our lush little week day days together just me and him. That’s it, all done.

I don’t want another but I’d love to go back and do it all again with him (aside from the first 3 months, happy to skip that bit lol)

It's lovely though when they grow up - I'd have given anything to go back to new born, 4 and 6 when they were 11/15/17 but now they are 14/18/20 it's lovely again (mostly) DD1 home from Uni this week - a proper adult, spending time with her littlest sister, making dinner, going out with her middle sister - it IS fun seeing them turn into proper adults and they become so much more appreciative of you!

I used to write a note at the end of the day with funny or cute things he said or did that day but life gets so busy sometimes I forget. I still try to when I remember though. Just for me really.

Take videos! I love all the photos I took, but it’s the videos that make my heart melt.

Whenever I read threads like this it gets me sobbing.
My eldest is growing up so fast at the moment. They have changed so much the past year.

I think I'll get out the photo album's tomorrow.

Yea I know what you mean.
My little girl is just coming out of the stage of saying things wrong but in a funny way.
Saying things like 'i can't not reach' and 'fwease' instead of please.
It's sad that she's now starting to talk properly...it's not as cute !!

On the plus side I do look forward to the future as well.

Yes yes yes! I think I probably cry once a week about my kids growing up! They are 3 and 5. I talk quite openly to them about it too 😂

The worst was when my eldest started school I was basically in mourning all summer and then when she started school…well I’ll be honest she’s been there most of the school year now and I still miss her like mad. Wish I could have her with me…doesn’t help her little sister misses her so much too. We both moped quite a bit when she started school.

Parenting is so hard but it’s also just been the absolute best time of my life watching these little humans grow…I feel like I’ve grown up with them.

There is that absolutely heart-wrenching bit in Modern Family when Jay makes that speech:

You know, it's... Thing about babies, you... you fall in love with a baby with the cutest little fat folds, and then... bam... they're gone. But it's okay, because in its place is this... toddler with the greatest laugh on Earth. And then one day, the toddler's gone, and in its place, a little kid that asks the most interesting questions you've ever heard. And this keeps going on like that, but you never get the chance to miss any of them, 'cause there's always a new kid to take the place of the old. Until they grow up. And then... in a moment, all those kids you fell in love with walk out the door at the same time.

🥹

YES, it’s very normal.

It’s a strange grief.

Totally normal, I think JK Rowling (?) wrote something about mourning the loss of all the previous stages of your children’s lives. I’ve also heard people worry they won’t remember - though in this age of so many photos and videos it’s probably unlikely.

I don’t miss the newborn stage overall, but I’d love to spend another hour with wobbly, no-necked baby DD.

Also, I sometimes miss the days when she was a toddler and her speech was utterly random.

Now she’s five, I’m sad that her tiny white baby teeth are falling out already. She won’t look right with grown-up teeth!

Of course, it's normal! My DD is wonderful and I love the person she is now - she's so much fun and it's just delightful. But that doesn't mean I don't sometimes miss the baby she was and the toddler she was. I think it must be an evolutionary thing TBH. A friend pointed out to me that when we're ill, we all 'revert' to being more child-like. A child might snuggle more like a baby. So, I guess we are geared to miss the 'baby' stage.

There's a lovely Joan Aiken story about a tree that loved a girl, which includes an explanation that, of course, girls grow faster than trees. I find it very poignant now - it's so true of parents, as well.

Ah , I’ve just teared up reading this ‘just for a day’ that’s so lovely x

yes OP I feel exactly the same I’m glad you started this thread I thought it was just me. (Well me and my husband!) A week or so after bringing home ds2, ds1 got really upset he cried himself to sleep in my arms then me and my husband started crying. I know hormones/ lack of sleep played a part but it was like we’d suddenly only just realised ds1 wasn’t a baby anymore and we were just really sad about it. I wonder why we have these feelings.

DD’s in a particularly dickish preteen tantrummy stage where she’s really into pushing buttons and being irritating 😂 (“you’re like the WORST MUM IN THE WORLD because EVERYONE ELSE HAS A PHONE/PONY/PRIME DRINKS and I DON’T and anyway you’re SO EMBARRASSING” ad infinitum…)

So right at the moment I really miss the smiley baby with chubby arms, the toddler who used to run to me in delight when I picked her up at nursery, the Reception child who loved going to school, and the chatty 7 year old who was really into Horrible Histories. So far the preteen bratty stage is definitely my least favourite 😬, though I’m sure that once she hits the real teenage years I’ll be looking back at this stage with fondness too 🤣

I look at my 10 year old now... She's got her friends and doing great at school and is starting to get independence and wanting to go the shops on her own, walking home from school alone etc.

I am SO proud of who she's growing up to be.

But.. if think back and remember how she was, if I dwell too long, it makes me cry those weird happy / sad tears.
When she was so small she barely filled.my lap. When she rolled around the floor and started exploring. The first time she read me a story instead. The first picture she made me. Etc.

Sometimes, when these memories fill my head, I have to give her a huge hug and tell her how amazing she is... And in a couple of years she won't let me do that any more.. I'll probably be called whatever the modern version of "Sad" is.
🤣

I think that this is why certain people claim to be "addicted" to babies and just keep on having them. They dont want to lose the utter adoration you get from a baby/toddler for whom their mother is literally their whole world.

I can sympathise with the feeling though.

I’m a pretty tall person and DS14 recently became taller than me. That was a real wrench. He seems, almost overnight, to have become a man. A deep-voiced, tall, hairy man. Feels like last week he was a little boy pleading for an extra bedtime story. 😭