To think he had his me-time yesterday?

[MissClimpsonsTypingBureau]

I'm on mat leave with a 7 week old. Elder child is in reception. DH works FT (out of the house 7.30 to 6) and usually has to work on Sunday afternoon.

Last night DH he went out with friends - first time since baby, I was v happy about him doing that. He said in return I could have all the time I wanted today, since he didn't have to work. So I spent 2.5 hours this afternoon doing some CPD that was due, while he watched a film with Reception child and baby slept on him. Basically first time I'd not been in charge of at least one of them. Again, v happy with this.

BUT when I came back in he told me it was his turn for "me-time" and buggered off to play computer games. AIBU to think he had his me-time yesterday?

(He does do lots, I'm very lucky, but his need to have daily time totally on his own and doing something he enjoys [I do occasionally get time on my own and spend it sorting clothes or cleaning the bathroom] is pissing me off today!)

Thats what normal dadding looks like. I am happy he pitches in without a fight but no I wouldn’t feel grateful that he is doing his part as a parent, he has an obligation to DD to do that, she’s not just my child she’s his.

That's what normal 'dadding' looks like to you. When we only had one child our family was similar but 9 years later we both need time to do our stuff too. It's still fairly shared. I found that personally I was losing myself and only thinking of the children's needs and am a much better mum with time to use the gym and see friends.

Gaming…. Is it addictive because when someone does it, they seem to spend all their time doing it. Don a head set and sit there swearing.

What man has ever said "I'm very lucky, my wife does loads with the kids"?

To all the people who hate gaming- Tetris. You can lose hours!!!

Op cpd is not ‘me time’, you should have had a bath, a nap, read a book, gone for a walk etc And I agree with the people who say a) parent together and b) just communicate when you want to do something/go somewhere.

And him getting a night out doesn’t mean he never does anything he wants to any more than you getting to do what you want means you get any less time later/another day. It’s hard for either of you to see now because the first year/few years are bloody knackering!!! Congratulations on the baby op x

Thanks all.
To answer some specific questions - DH is a teacher, and the CPD is a course I started before I was pregnant which I don't have the option of deferring.

Thanks to those who point out the need for family time - yes, that's absolutely a priority. But when I'm literally holding a newborn 20 hours a day, I do sometimes need time when I'm not in charge of him.

And thanks to those who suggest leaving the house (sensible, though not what I needed to do on this occasion) and going for a run (you clearly had a better pelvic floor than I do 7 weeks after giving birth!)

I think the comment about tit for tat parenting actually gets to the heart of it, though not in the way you meant. The point is that we all have things we need to be able to function. For DBaby it's being held 24/7, for DD it's attention that's just for her as well as family time, for DH it's an hour of me-time (his word, and it does make me feel a bit sick) every day. I don't think it's tit for tat parenting to say that I also have needs - it's not about exact equivalence, but it is about making sure everyone's needs are met as far as possible.

Thanks for the support!

It’s why the biggest killer of relationships is nearly always lack of communication. It seeps in to every level of a relationship and destroys it.

OP, if you can't call your DH back after he's walked off and remind him of what he offered then you have a problem. Also the hour 'me time' he requires daily, fab if you get the same but I'm assuming you don't.
I would strongly recommend you start with some assertiveness training. Have a look online, there is so much on YouTube, I think you would really benefit from it and I say this because as soon as he handed me the baby, I would have been like, dont think so bud!

I think that's a really odd distinction you are trying to make. It doesn't matter whether you class gaming and watching football as hobbies or pastimes, they are things some people like to do in their leisure time. It's not relevant what label you assign them. Things you do in your leisure time don't have to be admirable or indeed interesting to anyone other than yourself. The point of hobbies and pastimes, in fact anything you do in your leisure time, is to be relaxing and/or enjoyable to the person doing it. That's it.

I think it's the element of make believe and pretend. People who game as a 'hobby' are pretending to do something rather than going out and actually doing it.

I've never hunted a whale or been in a war but I've read Moby Dick and War and Peace. Is that 'pretend' too? All board games are basically pretend. I bet you think reading is acceptable and not childish though.

I suspect people who have wasted years on gaming will look back and wished they'd spent their time more engaged in life.