To ask if you regret IVF after it worked?

[ivfregret]

NC for this post but I firstly want to make it clear I'm not looking for opinions from people who regret having a child generally or IVF didn't work for -

This thread is specifically about people that had UVF but feel like they should have just continued without going down that route and being child free instead.

Has this happened to anyone? Can you please share your experience if so.

Hi @ivfregret
I think I read your other thread. I had twins and spent much of the first year barely keeping my head above water. I had PND.
Please see your GP. It’s not at all unusual to feel all kinds of ways with a new baby. Go gently on yourself. Take one day at a time. Please reach out for some support. This feeling will pass. X

@GreenLeavesRustling thank you so much although I haven't actually gone through IVF yet I'm trying to decide if it's worth it.

Sorry for the misleading post

Not sure I'm your target audience for this post and it hasn't worked completely yet - I'm 18 weeks with super high risk identical twins - but I did have a wonder when the first two attempts failed if I should just accept the universe was telling me something.

My issue was I didn't feel whole and it was crippling my mental health. I feel at peace now even with the uncertainty. So I'm glad I continued. If you feel content or whole I'm not sure I'd advise IVF. It was expensive and painful and draining for me.

I have a 2 week old baby from IVF after trying for 3 years to conceive naturally. I absolutely couldn't have continued without IVF as it was killing me dealing with irregular periods and never knowing if I was just on a long cycle or if I was pregnant.
Saying that, IVF was painful (I had a particularly bad recovery from egg collection and could not get out of bed for 5 days) and we were told not to expect any successful embryos from 25 eggs as they were such poor quality! It was the worst time of mine and DHs life, but so worth it for our baby girl. We only got one embryo in the end so none frozen for future transfers. We will not be putting ourselves through IVF again so have accepted that she is our only baby.

It's tough mentally and physically so you have to be sure you could not rest without trying.

I had ivf at age 28 and tbh it was a very easy straightforward experience. I think I was also a bit naive about it all! It worked first time. The one and only time I've been pregnant. When dh and I considered doing it again a few years later, I had a few tests and found my egg reserves were very low. We decided not to go for it. I didn't want to blur my previous positive experience or the risk of miscarriage. I've not regretted that decision. However had I not conceived the first time I would've continued trying but don't know for how long.

I'm perhaps a bit of a unique case with this one and I don't know if this is the experience you are looking for in replies? I absolutely don't regret IVF - 5 rounds, best part of £40k spent. I had twins a year or so ago. I would likely have continued on until there wasn't a single penny left in the bank or egg left in my ovaries. my husband though, or soon to be ex.....We are divorcing because he said he didn't expect it to work. And in all likelihood hoped it wouldn't. Turned out he couldn't handle twins, or his feelings towards how they were conceived (they are his biologically BTW) and he left. He wishes that we would have just continued to try naturally (despite several miscarriages) and then when I lost both tubes to ruptured ectopics - that we had just drawn a line under it all. I have my children but lost my husband but I wouldn't go back and change things ever.

Slightly different situation but we had IVF with genetic testing as my eldest has a genetic condition. It worked first time but baby has a totally unrelated but other serious medical condition. I was offered terminations at 24, 28 and 33 weeks. I had very confusing feelings about if I should have “quit whilst I was ahead”, and about considering terminating an IVF pregnancy and certainly thought about if I regretted it during pregnancy. DS2 is now here and much loved and I know we made the right call for us. But you really do have so little control in the whole process of making a family.

Personally I didn’t find the IVF itself that bad. It’s a bit of a mindfuck wondering the outcome at each stage but generally it was manageable, although I accept different as we did already have one child.

18 month old through IVF. Absolutely no regrets at all, best thing I’ve ever done. Children are a lottery though regardless of if you do IVF or not. Our child was seriously ill after his birth, absolutely fine now and thriving, but it really brought home to me that anything can happen, it can be a rollercoaster. You have to be done for the ride when it gets rocky.

I had the same except it was an affair, the OW was child free and, many years on, they are married and are still child free (when they don’t have the twins!). I wouldn’t change it and am 100% sure that I did the right thing having them. Our relationship went through hell but it was actually having the babies that finished it off. Having children had become almost an idealistic fantasy after 4 years of trying so when reality hit it was extra hard. I still don’t regret it and would do it all again to have them.

I had IVF several times before it worked and I have three children. Not regretted them for a second, genuinely. Being a mum will be the best thing I do with my life, and I know that sounds crap but nothing will give me as much personal satisfaction.

If I regret anything, it’s getting sucked into societies way of raising children and the gruelling and mindless education system.

I wish I was brave enough to break free from it all.

When you say that you are pre-IVF, I’m wondering if you’re just scared of it not working and trying to choose childlessness rather than have it inflicted upon you.

What I would say about motherhood, is that them being biologically yours is no guarantee of a wonderful experience and then not being biologically yours is no guarantee of dissatisfaction.

If you are ready to give yourself to a child and fully accept your shortcomings and theirs, you’ll find a way to be content.

I've had several rounds of IVF and my 'baby' is back from uni for Easter. It is simply the best thing I have ever done.

I have an 18 month old through IVF, it has been a hard journey and tough on my marriage but DD is the most amazing thing to ever happen and I’d go through it all 1 million times over if it meant having her. I had some questions and doubts whilst going through IVF but always concluded that I couldn’t deal with the agony of not having a child unless I’d tried everything.

Will almost certainly not have any more children though (mostly through choice, we do have frozen embryos) and I’m happy and at peace with that.

My DTs are 100% worth the ivf and I’d be injected daily for the rest of my life to keep them safe. But… I found ivf horrific. I had a fear of blood and needles, and wasn’t a fan of internals. I’d said to DH I’d commit to 2 or 3 rounds before we started then I’d call it quits, but got halfway through the first round and was begging to stop. It was an emotional head fuck, and whilst I was fully prepared for it not to work I’d not actually prepared myself for it working, and certainly not for their to be two.

I ended up traumatised from the ivf, feeling guilty because it worked first round and feeling guilty because I hated pregnancy. I used to Google about getting an abortion whilst at the same time praying they’d survive!

I had a wonderful life before ivf and had come to terms with a childfree life. Obviously I wouldn’t undo the ivf because I cannot bear the thought of life without my children now, but at the time the emotional battering I took really did make me wonder wtf I was putting myself through it.

I appreciate my response to ivf was very much an outlier though, the vast majority of women seem to have one or multiple rounds without responding like I did. It’s not something I’d wish on my worst enemy (if I had one) because I felt like a complete and utter failure which didn’t get better until I started ads when the babies were 8/9 months old.

So, even though I have no fear of blood tests, the dildo cam, or injections anymore I still wouldn’t go through another round now nearly 6 years later.

*there being two.

I know a couple where IVF ended their marriage.

Every failed attempt was even worse than a period letting you know you were not pregnant.

After 8 failed attempts he was happy to accept they would remain child free. She wanted to keep trying. He couldn't cope with any more heartache and wanted to stop. They ended up separating.

He has since remarried, they are child free but are happy to remain that way.

You just need to agree before doing IVF on how many rounds you can afford and when to stop.

I haven't regretted it, not even for a millisecond. Being her mum is the greatest privilege of my life and I'm so glad I persevered.

That said - we had reached a place of acceptance that we would build a happy life childless too. The book 'The Ressurrection Year' by Sheridan Voysey really helped with that. I really recommend you reading it.

We are now trying for no.2, have had one failed FET so far. I know for sure that we won't persevere for as long this time, as we are already parents and impact on her is higher this time. I can see that we could easily regret it this time if we tried for too long.

Also, we found IVF absolutely fine practically and physically. Emotionally its hard but no harder than the infertility was before. I had no issues at all with the actual process and would happily do that again and again (apart from the cost!)

I had IVF to have a second child. How could I regret it? It gave me a daughter who is now 13 and my absolute joy in this shitty ass world.

Hi muchtootired,

I’m a little similar. After a miscarriage I now have a pregnancy from ivf. I’ve been feeling a touch of regret in that I’m now not sure if this is what I want after all. I feel guilty because so many struggle to get pregnant (like myself) but now it’s actually happened I’m genuinely unsure if I want this massive life change. Feeling very embarrassed & ashamed of how I feel.

I currently have a 2 month old from a 3rd round of IVF. I love her to bits but I am so crippled with my mental health and exhaustion at the moment that I am cracking up. The IVF process was brutal, not physically, but emotionally.

I’m only now wondering if the ivf process is the major factor in my mental health. This was my 2nd (& last round). I’m genuinely struggling with regret but also fear if I make the wrong decision there’s no going back. I’ll have to contact a health profession. It’s v.early days & I’m already struggling, for someone who’s 100% mentally strong & never had MH worries I’m really concerned for my mind the remainder of my pregnancy.

I experienced this, minus the miscarriage. It was hard because I had major second thoughts, but having gone through so much to conceive I didn't feel my emotions were valid. If it was an accidental conception or had come easily I'd have felt I perhaps had more options or at least could justify my upset. Turned out it was just fear of change.

I also had a very difficult pregnancy (horrific itching from cholestasis - I was using a fork on my skin and drawing blood and still not getting any relief - then was hospitalised for a month despite being healthy as I was at risk of haemorrhaging before I finally did have a big bleed and emergency section at 35 weeks) and it felt like such a slog. I spent a lot of time wishing I had never bothered as I was actually very happy before being pregnant.

Also despite a premature birth, pregnancy felt very long as the process started many weeks before the positive test with the injections and scans, avoiding alcohol or saunas, feeling lousy, watching my body anxiously.

The instant DS was born I felt I suddenly understood the reason I was put on this planet. Best thing I ever did and worth every second of worry, discomfort and the cost of the IVF. So I had big regrets during pregnancy but it all worked out wonderfully.

I agree the process has been long. I started 1st round in Jan to have it fail in Mar. I then started 2nd (final) round in Oct & got positive end Nov. I suppose the last 3 full years of; miscarriage, trying naturally then 2 rounds IVF I just feel it’s all my life has been & all I’ve thought about that now I’m just done. From Nov it’s been v.intense feeling & seeing body changes I don’t like this feeling at all. To go another 7mths I really fear for my mental well-being. I hate change & although I’ve went through the process because of my age it was now it never, I too enjoyed my life just the 2 of us.

I think with IVF it depends who you ask. Someone for whom it worked will have a different perspective from someone for whom it didn’t.