Partner | Mumsnet

Ash9420 · 2023-04-02T17:54:58+00:00

Hi everyone I’m 12+2 today just wanted to get peoples opinions really… Im I being unreasonable in telling my partner that his out of order for only thinking about himself when he goes to the shop buys himself alcohol and other things he knows I can’t have comes home flaunts them in front of me without even so much as thinking about an alternative for me? His response is ‘I’m being selfish and life sucks’

BibbleandSqwauk · 02/04/2023 18:58

Ok well I don't think expectant fathers should have to give up alcohol etc no, but it sounds like he's not remotely into this pregnancy at all and you may have a hard road ahead. I'm sorry.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/04/2023 19:01

Have you asked for an alternative? He shouldn’t have to stop drinking because you’re pregnant. Apart from alcohol what do you feel he’s having that you can’t?

You’ve got months of pregnancy ahead of you and life with a baby is full of compromise so I’d let go of chippiness if you don’t want to me miserable for the foreseeable future.

Shoxfordian · 02/04/2023 19:02

He shouldn’t have to give up things he likes but he doesn’t need to be a dick about it

TomatoFrog · 02/04/2023 19:03

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Lefteyetwitch · 02/04/2023 19:12

What do you mean by flaunts? Does he actually rub it in or just sit there enjoying his things?
At only 12 weeks is there a reason you can't obtain your own things

Original poster

Ash9420 · 02/04/2023 19:29

I’m not asking him to give it up, I simply said to him it would have even been nice to get me a bottle of juice, im not asking for the world, I’ve had such a horrible time with this pregnancy to date,.. it’s more the fact that he never thinks about me when his the one doing the shopping. And also drinking everyday is one thing specially when we have so much important things to be saving our money for atm

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teaandtoastwithmarmite · 02/04/2023 19:31

I think yab a bit u.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/04/2023 19:31

Yes he sounds quite selfish imo. No need for him to give up completely but drinking every day is going to be expensive and also doesn’t suggest he’s realised what things will be like when the baby comes along.

MrsDoylesDoily · 02/04/2023 19:31

Was he drinking every day before the pregnancy?

Original poster

Ash9420 · 02/04/2023 19:43

No he wasn’t which is why I don’t understand why it’s suddenly become a habit. I was away for my grandmothers funeral, I came home and had to financially do everything. I found out the rent wasn’t paid, we had no bed no fridge or washing machine and I’ve sucked it up and put all my money into the house because that’s what you do. Yes im only 3 months into it but it hasn’t been easy to deal with at all, I’ve been riddled with anxiety having suffered with 2 previous loses, terrible morning sickness the past 5 weeks which I’ve had to go on medication for, some days I can’t even get out of bed because I’m constantly sick. The smell of alcohol I cannot stand. I’m not trying to be in the slightest unreasonable

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Scuttlingherbert · 02/04/2023 19:48

That sounds horrible.
I think my husband would get me a bottle of Schloer or something like that if he was getting himself sure alcohol as a treat when I was pregnant.

Scuttlingherbert · 02/04/2023 19:49

Btw do you have Hyperemesis? I had this and I had some support from the Pregnancy Sickness Support charity as it was really mentally tough being so sick for so long.
I'd recommend looking into it.

memesndmoreme · 02/04/2023 19:54

What did he do with the bed, fridge and washing machine?

WeeOrcadian · 02/04/2023 19:56

What's the backstory?
There must be one, or a bottle of juice wouldn't cause this big a problem.

WeeOrcadian · 02/04/2023 19:58

I'm sorry for your losses... But why do you want to have a child with someone who doesn't contribute to anything? I don't understand

Bananalanacake · 02/04/2023 20:03

I'm assuming he works and pays his share of the bills. And it is selfish of him to spend money on alcohol every day when you need it for other things.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 02/04/2023 20:06

Im sorry I don't think YABU at all actually.

Original poster

Ash9420 · 02/04/2023 20:11

his landlord screwed him over and gave him two weeks notice to move out, my parents then took him for several weeks whilst he looked for a place, because it worked out cheaper to get a place together I gave up my flat (couldn’t live together there I’m a junior doctor and it was for nhs staff only) (didn’t know we was expecting at this point) I made sure we had everything we needed before going away, had deposit and 5weeks rent in advance. He then told me not to worry he had everything under control, he’d furnish the place in my absence etc.. hence the no bed, fridge or washing machine ( has a good job) which to my surprise nothing was done in my absence and I was blissfully unaware until I received an email from the letting agency about rent not being paid.
last week I was diagnosed with HG spend a few days at the hospital and put on bed rest.. to which he told me I was pregnant and not disabled. I was on the phone to my midwife when he made such comments and she heard it and asked me to put him on the phone, she spoke to him he apologised and said he didn’t realise it was that bad.. I thought maybe I was being too harsh on him so I’ve tried my best to not stress or moan at him, until the alcohol has become what I consider an issue.. and no it’s not because I’m not drinking that it’s an issue, the smell of it has also been an aggravating factor with my sickness. May be I am being a bitch like he says I don’t know, I just wanted opinions from others

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timeforwotsits · 02/04/2023 20:18

Sounds like a shit situation with shit person

Can you get your staff accommodation back?

I personally wouldn’t invest anymore time in this relationship he’s shown how little he values you

PaigeMatthews · 02/04/2023 20:19

WeeOrcadian · 02/04/2023 19:58

I'm sorry for your losses... But why do you want to have a child with someone who doesn't contribute to anything? I don't understand

This. Also you're a junior doctor? And this guy is your standard?

I was diagnosed with HG spend a few days at the hospital and put on bed rest.. to which he told me I was pregnant and not disabled
my friends dh said that to her when she was pregnant. 12 years later he his a controlling abusive bastard divorcing her in the most difficult way. Red flag right here.

why have you chosen this guy to have a child with?

FictionalCharacter · 02/04/2023 20:20

Well that was quite a drip feed. He's horrible. And useless.

Original poster

Ash9420 · 02/04/2023 20:22

I didn’t know this would be the case at all. I was away for a month, came back two weeks ago and everything has just unravelled. This isn’t the guy I thought I knew, we’ve known each other for nearly 10 years. His mum walked out on him when he was a mere 3months old and has never returned into his life, so his begged me not take his child away and to just give him a chance to be nothing like his mum. Ive told him we don’t need to be together for either of us to be good parents..

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PaigeMatthews · 02/04/2023 20:24

Ash9420 · 02/04/2023 20:22

I didn’t know this would be the case at all. I was away for a month, came back two weeks ago and everything has just unravelled. This isn’t the guy I thought I knew, we’ve known each other for nearly 10 years. His mum walked out on him when he was a mere 3months old and has never returned into his life, so his begged me not take his child away and to just give him a chance to be nothing like his mum. Ive told him we don’t need to be together for either of us to be good parents..

Have you been trying to fix him?

Original poster

Ash9420 · 02/04/2023 20:33

I don’t know.. maybe I have been subconsciously. I just presumed I was always more mature for my age and had my shit together before others and couldn’t expect everyone to be moving at the same pace as me

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NadjaCravensworth1 · 02/04/2023 20:36

There are an awful lot of red flags here OP, I'm really sorry but things won't get better when baby comes. If he's being so deliberately unsupportive now then he's never going to pull his weight with a newborn. Maybe you should think about some further time apart? Do you have support? If this behaviour continues after baby is here then you will find it incredibly stressful and honestly you will probably be happier on your own.