Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH nagging for a working dog since ours died

53 replies

justasking111 · 02/04/2023 13:51

OH always had working dogs. Ours died in February last year. We still have one who's lonely. Said he wanted another so in the autumn I found a litter arranged everything. He backed out as we were about to leave. Very embarrassing to contact owner who was understandably pissed off. OH then bleated I'd stopped him having a dog. Found another litter today. I'm in bed with flu. He dithered about that, Just now said no my aunt had one and it was disobedient.

But he'll still moan to others that I won't let him have one. Did last weekend at an event.

AIBU to call him out every time he blames it on me?

OP posts:
MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 02/04/2023 13:52

stop arranging it, leave it to him.

PegSliderskew · 02/04/2023 13:58

He doesn't really want another dog. He wants the one that died back. Until he comes to terms with that dog being gone forever, he can't make a rational decision about getting another.

I am in much the same position in that my pet dog died in 2018. Luckily I realised what I really wanted before making any big decisions so still don't have a dog. Maybe I will again one day but I can't imagine it being soon.

Ktime · 02/04/2023 13:59

Why haven’t you told him to stop being a whiny, lying shit head?

Original poster
justasking111 · 02/04/2023 13:59

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 02/04/2023 13:52

stop arranging it, leave it to him.

Well I would but was told to do all the research and ato find one which I did.

Me I'd like to have a ragdoll cat but I'm banned

OP posts:
MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 02/04/2023 14:00

Banned? Don't be so ridiculous it's your home too. Get the cat!

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 02/04/2023 14:00

This doesn't sound like a marriage it sounds like teenagers

BlackFriday · 02/04/2023 14:02

You were "told" to do all the researching?
Sod that!

honeylulu · 02/04/2023 14:04

Keep repeating "I'm happy to get another dog but you need to make the arrangements". When he tells people you won't let him get a dog repeat it to them too. My husband does this about holidays. He'll have a vague idea he'd like to visit somewhere but does fuck all about researching and booking, expects me to do it, then picks holes in what I find so I end up booking somewhere that I want to go instead, then he moans i "didn't let" him go to X. I've started saying loudly that I'm happy to go next summer but he needs to have booked by April and I'm looking forward to him arranging the holiday for a change. Guess what, he doesn't.

Trollsinmyeggbox · 02/04/2023 14:06

Stop facilitating his pissing and moaning. Say "happy to have another dog, find one you want and get it, I've no problem with it all" over and over until he sorts himself out.

And then you can find yourself the cat you want.

WarmButteryCrumpets · 02/04/2023 14:09

When he moans to others that you won't let him have one surely you just say "Yes i would, remember how we were all set to get one after I'd done the research and then you backed out? I had to call the breeder to explain, it was so embarrassing!"

Don't let him get away with this nonsense

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 02/04/2023 14:13

So you did all the work in finding a new dog, OH backed out at the mast minute, pissing off the seller & mortifying you, somehow he has made this your fault, & is parading this false narrative round your social circle?

& you "were told to" do all the work, & are "banned" from having a cat?

Why are you with this tiresome, contradictory & bossy idiot?

Orangello · 02/04/2023 14:16

you "were told to" do all the work, & are "banned" from having a cat?

That. Is he a partner or your boss?

Original poster
justasking111 · 02/04/2023 14:22

honeylulu · 02/04/2023 14:04

Keep repeating "I'm happy to get another dog but you need to make the arrangements". When he tells people you won't let him get a dog repeat it to them too. My husband does this about holidays. He'll have a vague idea he'd like to visit somewhere but does fuck all about researching and booking, expects me to do it, then picks holes in what I find so I end up booking somewhere that I want to go instead, then he moans i "didn't let" him go to X. I've started saying loudly that I'm happy to go next summer but he needs to have booked by April and I'm looking forward to him arranging the holiday for a change. Guess what, he doesn't.

He does this re holidays too. DS and family want to go to Portugal found a lovely hotel on the beach silver coast. Invited us,. OH said no want villa he'd pay. Told me to find one. Said to son I'm not taking the rap for that you find one. Me I'd have been happy in the hotel

OP posts:
ShagratandGorbag4ever · 02/04/2023 14:41

justasking111 · 02/04/2023 14:22

He does this re holidays too. DS and family want to go to Portugal found a lovely hotel on the beach silver coast. Invited us,. OH said no want villa he'd pay. Told me to find one. Said to son I'm not taking the rap for that you find one. Me I'd have been happy in the hotel

Show quote history

He sounds like a pain in the arse. Why don't you go to Portugal without him?

PousseyNotMoira · 02/04/2023 14:42

justasking111 · 02/04/2023 13:59

Well I would but was told to do all the research and ato find one which I did.

Me I'd like to have a ragdoll cat but I'm banned

Show quote history

You were ‘told to’, so you must? You’ve been ‘banned’ from getting the pet you want?

OP, your relationship is sounding very unhealthy.

Codlingmoths · 02/04/2023 14:46

This sounds all kinds of shit. Why don’t you say next time he says you ‘don’t let him’ in conversation - ‘what drugs are you taking? Do you not remember I researched, got your approval, booked and organised a dog, and you pulled out on the day? And made me make all the apologies to the breeder who has probably black marked us in the industry, I was so embarassed. Then you backed out of the next one too. So friends, if we never get another dog it is because hell will freeze over before I organise it, and he doesn’t seem able to get off his bum except to moan.

be honest. He sounds like a twat. I’d just go buy a rag doll personally if that’s your hearts desire!

Antiquiteas · 02/04/2023 14:49

Your husband sounds like an irritating twat.

Beachwalker66 · 02/04/2023 15:04

He sounds bloody awful, what do you see in him?

I would have gone to Portugal without him. As for the dog business, he sounds unhinged.

I wonder how much happier you would be living with a cat instead of this tyrant?

honeylulu · 02/04/2023 15:06

The thing about men like this is that they want to rule the roost but also style themselves as "henpecked husband " so they can have a nice guy image in front of others. My father is like this and when my husband tries it I got wise to shutting it down firmly. I agree with a poster who said he doesn't really want a dog, he wants the old one back so he's convinced he likes the idea of a new dog but can't face the reality. And rather than admitting it he blames you. FFS

Nevermind31 · 02/04/2023 15:07

Does your husband always give you orders like that?

KatherineJaneway · 02/04/2023 15:08

justasking111 · 02/04/2023 13:59

Well I would but was told to do all the research and ato find one which I did.

Me I'd like to have a ragdoll cat but I'm banned

Show quote history

'Told to'? Why did you comply?

Just book and go to Portugal.

He sounds like he enjoys disappointing himself.

FurAndFeathers · 02/04/2023 15:09

Why are you facilitating this shit?
do you not realise you’re a grown up?

IsThePopeCatholic · 02/04/2023 15:09

Do you always do what he tells you?

Original poster
justasking111 · 02/04/2023 15:34

I've decided I'm going to Portugal with or without him. He's had tons of holidays without me over the years with mates. Son had chosen a lovely hotel right on the beach. So I'll go with them and grandchildren. He can stuff it. I've organised so many holidays that he's moaned about

OP posts:
Original poster
justasking111 · 02/04/2023 15:40

honeylulu · 02/04/2023 15:06

The thing about men like this is that they want to rule the roost but also style themselves as "henpecked husband " so they can have a nice guy image in front of others. My father is like this and when my husband tries it I got wise to shutting it down firmly. I agree with a poster who said he doesn't really want a dog, he wants the old one back so he's convinced he likes the idea of a new dog but can't face the reality. And rather than admitting it he blames you. FFS

Well he can't have his old dog back. When it got sick , old I did the vet, when it had accidents got dementia I was there. When he was PTS I was there till the end he was too sensitive apparently.

OP posts: