Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can’t choose where to live

52 replies

Boymamabee · 02/04/2023 07:28

I know I’ve started a few threads about this but I genuinely don’t know what to do.

LL has given us two months notice and I'm due a c-section at the end of the month.

Two local properties have become available this week and I’ve viewed both with family.

First is a 2-bed ground-floor flat. Cheaper rent than we pay now (we live in a house) and offers min 12-month tenancy. Gas central heating, a courtyard outside and both bedrooms are double-sized with built in storage. Husband doesn't like it though. Says it’s too small due to kitchen and living room. Estate agent says we’re currently top of LL list so we’d need to put a deposit down sharpish.

Second is more unusual and has more character. It's a maisonette on top of 3 flights of stairs (no lift). There’s allocated parking, a living room plus reception room. Larger kitchen that fits dining table (unlike other one). Upstairs is the top floor with 2 bedrooms and a bathroom. It’s recently decorated and more spacious. It’s affordable but we’d struggle if LL upped rent and they only offer 6-month min tenancy. Plus it’s electric heating which I’m not familiar with. Husband prefers this one because it’s generally nicer inside. Wants to hold off on the other one and put in application for this one instead.

I obviously have reservations about the three flights of stairs after a c-section, and with a newborn and v hyperactive 4-year-old. The buggy isn’t an issue as there’s storage on the ground floor (but we’d also need to keep washing machine and dryer there too - it’s an unusual layout). Son is awaiting diagnosis for ASD and likes to run off ahead of me, muck around on stairs, climb everything (found him trying to climb the freezer the other day) and I think I would genuinely struggle with the stairs every day. Also, the stairs from the living area to the bedrooms/bathroom are part of the 3 flights of stairs to the actual flat and I have visions of kids mucking around on the bannisters.

I feel like my husband and MIL are downplaying my concerns because the maisonette itself is so nice. Husband generally has more stuff than I do. I don’t mind getting rid of things like books, old CDs and I haven’t really kept anything from childhood. Husband is very different.

It’s not me who gets to decide. He’d be lead tenant so ultimately it’s not my choice. My job and financial situation is more tricky due to pregnancy and health-related issues. No nasty comments please as I feel vulnerable enough right now.

OP posts:
delilabell · 02/04/2023 07:31

The first without a doubt.dont go for maisonette

Rollerpiggy · 02/04/2023 07:34

I would go for the maisonette as I would get cabin fever in the flat. I would need more space. Also I spend a lot of time at home with the kids, so I would want the larger living space and nicer home.

pinkthree · 02/04/2023 07:37

Is there anywhere to keep a pram at the bottom of the stairs or would you need to carry a pram down and a baby every time you want to go out?

Personally with the amount of times my son fell asleep in the car or the pram I'd go with the one with no steps

KatherineJaneway · 02/04/2023 07:38

I'd go for the first one. It is accessible and affordable.

Why do you get no say in where you will live?

MrsBunnyEars · 02/04/2023 07:38

The downstairs buggy storage means that I think the maisonette would be fine. I know some people find stairs hard after a c section, but that’s not universal (I didn’t have any issues) and it’s not for long.

This isn’t OK though It’s not me who gets to decide. He’d be lead tenant so ultimately it’s not my choice. You are equal partners (or should be).

PosiePerkinPootleFlump · 02/04/2023 07:41

I wonder if maisonette has been done up to sell, then given uncertainty of market put on 6 month tenancy to wait and reassess. Lots of landlords selling up.

What are the EPC ratings of each? That may make more difference to hearing costs and efficiency than electric v gas.

Those things would probably impact my choice as much as the stairs and space

Original poster
Boymamabee · 02/04/2023 07:45

Why do you get no say in where you will live?

Because I can’t force him to sign the tenancy agreement if he really doesn’t like it (and he doesn’t) and I’m due in 27 days. I just feel like he holds all the cards because he earns the money.

OP posts:
starpatch · 02/04/2023 07:47

So with your first could you have lifted a sleeping baby out of the buggy and he wouldn't have woken? With mine he was a very light sleeper so I would definitely have had to chose the flat as mine was always falling asleep in Buggy. Yard sounds nice too if it is private? Wouldn't it be nice for your eldest to be able to go out there when he wanted? You could have some pots, he could do science experiments out there maybe a bird feeder.

Swifey40 · 02/04/2023 07:47

The ground floor flat most definitely!
You have outside space too with the courtyard in which you could put a mini sandpit and little paddling pool, and maybe grown a few pots of tomatoes etc. Having that outside space, no matter how small will be a godsend when you have a newborn and your 4 year old can run in and out, and play in the sand or paint etc whilst you can feed baby or have a cup of tea etc.
The maisonette is ridiculous; with the stairs etc and carrying a baby.....trying to grab a climbing 4 year old is a recipe for disaster! On top of you will only be able to do washing when your husband is home because you can't carry a laundry basket up and down stairs with a baby, and a 4 year old and you cannot leave them in the maisonette whilst you do it! You also definitely won't be able to carry a basket of washing after your c section.
You could put your clothes airer outside in the courtyard or string a line up too.

Also money wise I would be concerned for just a 6 month tenancy that stretches you, when you can get a 12 month which is more affordable.

Just try and be calm about it when you talk to him but be consistent and considered and say you appreciate the space and decor of the maisonette, but you are sure that practically the ground floor flat is much more suitable for how your family is now, and maybe you can revisit the situation in 12 months.

If he will not do this for you, when you will be the one at home, then you need to have a serious conversation with him about how he see you and respects you.

Good luck!

GettingStuffed · 02/04/2023 07:56

Don't dip stairs with a newborn. It's a nightmare. Just think about carrying a baby, pram and shopping up those stairs.

SeaInelegans · 02/04/2023 07:56

If the second option will be more of a stretch financially, is that just rent or have you factored in bills as well? I don’t know the set up of the electric heating in that particular flat but from my experience of renting, electric heating tends to be less efficient and more expensive to run than gas. With current cost of living the first option would be the safer choice. I know moving is a massive upheaval but you will still have the option in a years time of evaluating how it is working for you and deciding whether to stay or try to find somewhere a bit bigger.

Apollonia1 · 02/04/2023 08:01

Definitely the first. How would you carry a baby (then heavy toddler) plus all your shopping, plus mind an active 4-year old on the stairs.

It's more concerning that you feel you don't have a say in the decision.

JADS · 02/04/2023 08:02

Electric heating is really expensive and it sounds like the 2nd maisonette is an old building. Please go for the GFF and say you will reassess in 12 months.

Original poster
Boymamabee · 02/04/2023 08:10

What are the EPC ratings of each? That may make more difference to hearing costs and efficiency than electric v gas.

First GFF is D, potential C.

Maisonette is E, potential B (don’t know how that works).

OP posts:
Ilikewinter · 02/04/2023 08:10

I agree with PP, 100% ground floor flat and re-asses in 12 months

Clarinet1 · 02/04/2023 08:14

Boymamabee · 02/04/2023 07:45

Why do you get no say in where you will live?

Because I can’t force him to sign the tenancy agreement if he really doesn’t like it (and he doesn’t) and I’m due in 27 days. I just feel like he holds all the cards because he earns the money.

Is this what he tells you? Or what you think? If he’s saying this then he is being an arse - you’re his wife who he should care about and respect and you’re having his child.

Dragonsandcats · 02/04/2023 08:14

Definitely the ground floor flat with a newborn. Plus I’d prefer the security of the 12 month lease.

thegrain · 02/04/2023 08:14

Ignore potential.

I'd go ground-floor but as you don't have a say let husband decide and if he chooses maisonette make him carry everything

JustDanceAddict · 02/04/2023 08:18

Def the GFF. Husband subtly railroaded me into buying our current house and he def regrets it for many reasons, but would never admit it. You can always look again in a year.

Dotcheck · 02/04/2023 08:20

Boymamabee · 02/04/2023 07:45

Why do you get no say in where you will live?

Because I can’t force him to sign the tenancy agreement if he really doesn’t like it (and he doesn’t) and I’m due in 27 days. I just feel like he holds all the cards because he earns the money.

Does HE act like he holds all the cards? Does he use that to railroad over your choices?

If so, he’s an ass.

I’d go ground floor flat. More affordable, more secure. No brainer

TheGoogleMum · 02/04/2023 08:20

Flat sounds more practical to me. I too would be tempted by the nicer maisonette but it's important to think about the day to day going up and down allcthose stairs with little ones

KatherineJaneway · 02/04/2023 08:22

Boymamabee · 02/04/2023 07:45

Why do you get no say in where you will live?

Because I can’t force him to sign the tenancy agreement if he really doesn’t like it (and he doesn’t) and I’m due in 27 days. I just feel like he holds all the cards because he earns the money.

Sorry but forcing you to live somewhere you don't want to and placing his own likes over what is best for his new baby amd partner does not bide well for your relationship.

Do you get on with his Mum? Maybe a quiet word might work, depending on the dynamics of course.

Sandwidged · 02/04/2023 08:22

Ground floor flat 100%

the stairs, toddler, food shopping, two children with one a newborn, c section combination will be an utter nightmare.

Dreamysaurus · 02/04/2023 08:24

It doesn't sound like you do have a choice unfortunately (not cool!).

So given you don't have a choice. You'll need to get used to the idea of the maisonette 😔

L3ThirtySeven · 02/04/2023 08:26

I would go for the maisonette. The c-section recovery is temporary and you simply have DH carry baby up and then go back for buggy and what not until you are recovered. As he particularly wants that property, he won’t mind a bit of going up and down the stairs double the times for a few months.

It may be a 6mo tenancy but by law LLs can only raise the rent ONCE per year on a sitting tenant. So you won’t have a rent rise every 6months.

The maisonette sounds nicer and in better condition, that is important as it means a landlord who actually repairs and maintains the property. The cheaper ground floor flat you have more risk of mould and damp and as it is already being marketed in less than good condition- I wouldn’t risk it as that is a sign of a poor landlord.