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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can’t choose where to live

52 replies

Boymamabee · 02/04/2023 07:28

I know I’ve started a few threads about this but I genuinely don’t know what to do.

LL has given us two months notice and I'm due a c-section at the end of the month.

Two local properties have become available this week and I’ve viewed both with family.

First is a 2-bed ground-floor flat. Cheaper rent than we pay now (we live in a house) and offers min 12-month tenancy. Gas central heating, a courtyard outside and both bedrooms are double-sized with built in storage. Husband doesn't like it though. Says it’s too small due to kitchen and living room. Estate agent says we’re currently top of LL list so we’d need to put a deposit down sharpish.

Second is more unusual and has more character. It's a maisonette on top of 3 flights of stairs (no lift). There’s allocated parking, a living room plus reception room. Larger kitchen that fits dining table (unlike other one). Upstairs is the top floor with 2 bedrooms and a bathroom. It’s recently decorated and more spacious. It’s affordable but we’d struggle if LL upped rent and they only offer 6-month min tenancy. Plus it’s electric heating which I’m not familiar with. Husband prefers this one because it’s generally nicer inside. Wants to hold off on the other one and put in application for this one instead.

I obviously have reservations about the three flights of stairs after a c-section, and with a newborn and v hyperactive 4-year-old. The buggy isn’t an issue as there’s storage on the ground floor (but we’d also need to keep washing machine and dryer there too - it’s an unusual layout). Son is awaiting diagnosis for ASD and likes to run off ahead of me, muck around on stairs, climb everything (found him trying to climb the freezer the other day) and I think I would genuinely struggle with the stairs every day. Also, the stairs from the living area to the bedrooms/bathroom are part of the 3 flights of stairs to the actual flat and I have visions of kids mucking around on the bannisters.

I feel like my husband and MIL are downplaying my concerns because the maisonette itself is so nice. Husband generally has more stuff than I do. I don’t mind getting rid of things like books, old CDs and I haven’t really kept anything from childhood. Husband is very different.

It’s not me who gets to decide. He’d be lead tenant so ultimately it’s not my choice. My job and financial situation is more tricky due to pregnancy and health-related issues. No nasty comments please as I feel vulnerable enough right now.

OP posts:
Sandwidged · 02/04/2023 08:26

hes incredibly selfish if he puts his families practical living needs aside for something he wants. The impact on you will be massive

PosiePerkinPootleFlump · 02/04/2023 08:27

Boymamabee · 02/04/2023 08:10

What are the EPC ratings of each? That may make more difference to hearing costs and efficiency than electric v gas.

First GFF is D, potential C.

Maisonette is E, potential B (don’t know how that works).

Maisonette has been done up to sell. The market is awash with E rating landlord owned properties which have been cosmetically done up but not had the EPC rating improved at the same time because of new rules coming in for landlords where it has to be at minimum a C. That, plus the 6 month rental, is a giveaway the landlord isn't renting long term.

An E rated top floors maisonette will also likely be cold in winter and v hot in summer.

Given outside space at the ground floor flat, longer rental term, lack of stairs it's a no brainier to go for ground floor for me

CleaningOutMyCloset · 02/04/2023 08:28

First one, I only read 3 flights of stairs and that was enough for me. With a baby, pushchair, shopping etc, the second was is a definite no no .

Take the first, sign up and look elsewhere once the baby is here.

L3ThirtySeven · 02/04/2023 08:29

Boymamabee · 02/04/2023 08:10

What are the EPC ratings of each? That may make more difference to hearing costs and efficiency than electric v gas.

First GFF is D, potential C.

Maisonette is E, potential B (don’t know how that works).

Gah! I missed this update. An EPC of E is terrible. For that reason alone, I am changing my mind to the ground floor flat. Obviously the maisonette isn’t nicer like you thought it was.

Or you can skip both and keep looking. Have you tried asking the LL for an extension on the section 21 due to your pending c-section? Like an extra 2 months?

ImSweetEnoughDarlin · 02/04/2023 08:33

Ground floor, it's a no brainer.

Original poster
Boymamabee · 02/04/2023 08:33

Is this what he tells you? Or what you think? If he’s saying this then he is being an arse - you’re his wife who he should care about and respect and you’re having his child.

He hasn’t said it as such but last night he was talking about the pressure men are under to be “providers” (I only stopped working after Christmas) and how he works hard for his money and doesn’t want to sell his stuff, etc. In his view, the GFF is a step down and he would need to declutter his gadgets, books, etc. He’s inflexible with certain things and finds it difficult to cope with change (but that’s a whole different post 😂). This would genuinely be very difficult for him but the maisonette feels so ridiculous I can’t go along with it.

OP posts:
qpmz · 02/04/2023 08:34

Is there any chance of third option?
Or is there any chance your current landlord can extend the tenancy for a few months given you're about to give birth?
3 flights of stairs with a newborn will be very difficult.

SpookySpoon22 · 02/04/2023 08:35

Can there be a compromise? I would suggest ground floor flat as it is the obvious choice at the moment given your circumstances but with the proviso that you look for somewhere else to move to after the 12 months is up

ActDottie · 02/04/2023 08:39

The first one without a doubt. Imagine taking a buggy up all those stairs just no!

midgemadgemodge · 02/04/2023 08:43

Electric heating - very expensive!

Original poster
Boymamabee · 02/04/2023 08:43

Is there any chance of third option?
Or is there any chance your current landlord can extend the tenancy for a few months given you're about to give birth?
3 flights of stairs with a newborn will be very difficult.

We are currently listed with the council and H/A but we’re also looking privately due to a housing shortage. I want to stay local because DS’ school has excellent facilities for ASD (he’s already receiving extra support). We live in a rural county in one of the main towns so there are a lot of people trying to get a property in the area. I don’t know when an opportunity will come up next.

OP posts:
midgemadgemodge · 02/04/2023 08:44

3 flights of stairs with baby ?!!

Notanotherone5 · 02/04/2023 08:47

You definitely can’t do 3 flights of stairs. How about GFF plus a small storage unit? Then he doesn’t have to sell his stuff and you can look at moving to a bigger place again in 12 months

Autienotnautie · 02/04/2023 08:48

Flat sounds more practical. Maisonette sounds nicer. But the stairs would be a nightmare for at least two years. Keep looking maybe?

RandomMess · 02/04/2023 08:48

The stairs, electric heating, energy rating E - all a nightmare!

Bette r to go to the flat and save bars whilst the rent is cheap.

If he feels under pressure financially now it will be far worse with the expenses that go with the maisonette.

The flat only has to be for a year and you can keep looking for something more suitable.

Summerpetal · 02/04/2023 08:49

Obviously you take the ground floor flat
your husband is a dick if he insists on the upper flat ,your life will be nightmare every time you try to leave the house .
surely this is obvious
for gods sake woman ,put your foot down ,he’s going to make your life so difficult if he takes the upper flat

Summerpetal · 02/04/2023 08:51

It’s not me who gets to decide…..
wtf
I would not be putting up with that scenario
you need equal say ..it’s fuck all to do with the mil

Sandwidged · 02/04/2023 08:52

take him to the maisonette with the toddler, a pram, a (toy) baby, baby bag, two bags of food shopping. Ask him to independently coordinate getting everyone safely upstairs. Do not help, just wait out side the flat front door for him, on the top floor.

FrostyFifi · 02/04/2023 08:56

Electric heating?
You'll spend a fortune to freeze in there.

Original poster
Boymamabee · 02/04/2023 08:58

The first one without a doubt. Imagine taking a buggy up all those stairs just no!

There is actually somewhere to store the buggy so that’s not a huge issue, although I’d have to put the baby in a sling or carry the car seat up 3 flights of stairs every time I do the school run/shopping. Plus there’s nowhere in the flat to keep a washing machine or dryer, they’ll be kept on the ground floor (same area as buggy).

It feels like DH’s reasons for not wanting the GFF are petty. The fridge/freezer is kept in the utility room (a 2 sec walk from the kitchen) and the dryer would need an extension lead to fit. We would probably need to get rid of our L shaped sofa because of the living room layout. We might need a smaller washing machine but my mum has offered to buy us one - and the launderette is a 2 min drive.

Neither are ideal but that’s life.

OP posts:
goodthinking99 · 02/04/2023 09:09

I had a newborn to 12 years old in a third floor flat with no lift and it was fine. I'd prefer the bigger nicer space as that's where you'll be spending most of your time. And being upstairs could feel more secure.

As long as you can keep the pram downstairs it's not an issue, or it wasn't for me. Get shopping delivered, use the stairs to keep fit, and enjoy the space and view.

Best of luck OP, whichever way it works out.

Zebedee55 · 02/04/2023 09:17

Can you not go for the flat, with a promise of reassessment in a year, and hire one of those storage things to keep his stuff in?

3 flights with a baby and a young child is do-able, but it's likely to be hard work.

Some supermarket delivery men won't do stairs - you have to collect from the ground floor.😗

Daleksatemyshed · 02/04/2023 09:37

Your DH sounds rather entitled here Op, he thinks as he's working and has stuff he doesn't want to sell that he should get to deceide? Isn't he able to see that's less important than you being stuck with two DC and all those stairs, he's not thinking of your safety or your DC's. The two things that make the flat unsuitable are tiny and easily changed.
Your DH doesn't get to have the final say, if you can't agree then hold out a bit longer for something you both like

ACynicalDad · 02/04/2023 09:41

I remember being told make sure your wife is happier with the house than you are, with maternity etc she will spend more one there, it may be old fashioned but I think there is still truth in it.

CherryCokeFanatic · 02/04/2023 09:49

Just the electric heating would put me off. I know someone with storage heaters and electric hot water. Even with E7 tariff to charge the heaters overnight it costs a fortune! £10-15 a day

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