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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby fever is getting too much

40 replies

Pepperkiss · 01/04/2023 20:28

I've got a 19 month old and an 8 year old but feel so very desperate for one more little one. Financially it is feasible, and I am acutely aware of the strain that another addition would mean, which I have though about for a few months and accepted. Little one keeps asking for a baby, and we do have the room. The only spanner in the works is my husband insisting a bigger gap is better and we should wait. I respect his choice, but can't help feeling absolutely crushed and heartbroken. I'm 28 and he is 37, I fear time is running out. My 8 year old has virtually no interest in the toddler, they can't really play together or enjoy the same things.

I know this little one would be my last, and I want to be able to be a great mama while I'm still young and in relatively decent health. Of course I want to respect my husband, but I can't hide or ignore my feelings. I keep noticing babies everywhere. AIBU? And if I am, how can I fix it?

Thanks x

OP posts:
Sapphire387 · 01/04/2023 20:29

You're 28, time is NOT 'running out'.

RosaBonheur · 01/04/2023 20:30

Time isn't running out, don't be ridiculous.

PaperwhiteTheGhost · 01/04/2023 20:32

Sapphire387 · 01/04/2023 20:29

You're 28, time is NOT 'running out'.

This. You're young and men can still father children on their 90s. Time isn't running out, your hormones are just getting the better of you!

You need to accept your husband's choice or it will drive a wedge between you.

Albiboba · 01/04/2023 20:32

Little one keeps asking for a baby, and we do have the room. The only spanner in the works is my husband insisting a bigger gap is better and we should wait

You think it’s more important that a toddler is ‘asking’ for a baby than your own husband’s opinion??

Time is not even close to running out, most women don’t even have their first baby by 28. Your husbands wants another baby but wants a bigger age gap, that’s not unreasonable.

Coffeellama · 01/04/2023 20:36

Why would you be devastated when all he has said is that he would like a bigger age gap? 19 month old isn’t seriously asking about wanting a baby, they are still a baby so you can discount that.

RosaBonheur · 01/04/2023 20:38

It's really telling that the OP has described her husband's wish to wait as "a spanner in the works" and is claiming that her 19 month old is asking for a baby brother or sister.

Maybe the OP's 19 month old is some sort of genius but I don't know any kids who would have been capable of asking for a baby brother or sister at 19 months old. My son is about to turn two and still couldn't.

Wolfiefan · 01/04/2023 20:39

You focus on raising the children you do have and park the conversation about another child until DH agrees it is time.

HiImTheProblemItsMe · 01/04/2023 20:53

Running out of time at 28??? Blimey. I had my first at 30 and then two more and am 35 now...I feel like I could definitely have at least one more if I felt so inclined! You have loads of time.

Antiquiteas · 01/04/2023 21:14

Mate. Wake up. Your time is not running out. You’re 28. Don’t be ludicrous.

Prescottdanni123 · 01/04/2023 21:19

Your time is not running out. Flipping heck, having kids in your early to mid forties isn't unusual these days. You have got plenty of time.

Rosebel · 01/04/2023 21:21

Even if you had another one now there's absolutely no guarantee the children would play together or like the same thing. I have two teenagers less than two years apart and they don't like the same things and never have really.
You can't really think time is running out. You are 28. I had my third and last baby 2 years ago when I was 40. I have so much more patience and finical stability than when my girls were little.
You have loads of time.

Wherewithout · 01/04/2023 21:21

Lol this has got to be a wind up - time running out at 28 and a 19 month old asking for a baby brother sister?! 😂

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 01/04/2023 21:29

What's a great mama? Do you mean grandmother?

Sceptre86 · 01/04/2023 21:29

A wind up surely. My 19 month old constantly says baby, I don't take it as her asking for a sibling. She is a baby! The comments about your age are ridiculous. I don't believe anyone can be this obtuse.

Coffeellama · 01/04/2023 21:46

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 01/04/2023 21:29

What's a great mama? Do you mean grandmother?

I thought she meant be a great mother, but I guess it could mean either! The OP reads like a wind up post anyway.

SkunkFiles · 01/04/2023 21:48

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 01/04/2023 21:29

What's a great mama? Do you mean grandmother?

don’t be so fucking patronising

user1473878824 · 01/04/2023 21:49

This has to be a wind up.

TheGoogleMum · 01/04/2023 21:51

Just had baby 2, I'm 34. 28 is not running out of time! 18 month old is surely too young to be asking for a sibling though?

mymeatballsmymeatballs · 01/04/2023 21:56

Well, this is a depressing read when we're desperately trying to conceive our second child and I'm 36! You're so fucking lucky. Realise that.

Greenertime · 01/04/2023 21:57

19 month old is still a baby themself! And you have plenty of time no need to rush

thegrain · 01/04/2023 21:59

Your little one will probably be happy with a doll

gemloving · 01/04/2023 22:17

@RosaBonheur mine is 2 in 4 weeks and I'm 16 weeks pregnant and only the 4 year old properly gets that I'm pregnant, so I agree on that front.

OP, I appreciate you want a closer age gap if you can see that the 8 year old and 19 months old have nothing in common. I like mine close in age, just over 2 years but even a 4 year gap is still closer than a 6 year gap, so give your husband some time and respect his opinion because you don't want resentment and both of you to be on the same page / find a middle ground. You're 28, I had my first at 28 and now 33 expecting number 3, so there is nothing wrong with that. I still have lots of energy and don't feel like an old mum xx

AnuSTart · 02/04/2023 06:56

Pepperkiss · 01/04/2023 20:28

I've got a 19 month old and an 8 year old but feel so very desperate for one more little one. Financially it is feasible, and I am acutely aware of the strain that another addition would mean, which I have though about for a few months and accepted. Little one keeps asking for a baby, and we do have the room. The only spanner in the works is my husband insisting a bigger gap is better and we should wait. I respect his choice, but can't help feeling absolutely crushed and heartbroken. I'm 28 and he is 37, I fear time is running out. My 8 year old has virtually no interest in the toddler, they can't really play together or enjoy the same things.

I know this little one would be my last, and I want to be able to be a great mama while I'm still young and in relatively decent health. Of course I want to respect my husband, but I can't hide or ignore my feelings. I keep noticing babies everywhere. AIBU? And if I am, how can I fix it?

Thanks x

great mama while I'm still young and in relatively decent health.

Delightful ageism there OP. I'm a lot older than you, 5 kids, run marathons, decent health and a great mama.

There's no way you should be prioritising the random mumbling of a toddler because it suits your agenda, over the rights of your husband.

Fairyliz · 02/04/2023 07:04

You are 28 with two happy healthy children and what sounds like a decent husband, yet you are feeling crushed and heartbroken?
I mean this in the nicest possible way but you need to pull yourself together and appreciate everything you have.

Just enjoy the two lovely children you have now, you have years to consider another.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 02/04/2023 07:11

Your 19 month old asks for a baby and you think that’s actually a factor?

You are not running out of time, you sound a bit unfulfilled, tbh. Having more kids is not what makes you a great mama.

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