Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

AIBU to still be annoyed at family wedding situation

29 replies

EmbarrassedMum1 · 01/04/2023 15:26

So this happened 3 months ago but I'm still annoyed, I know I need to just get over it but every time I hear the family members name I get annoyed all over again.

My sibling got married recently, the invite said super small, minimal people, just immediate family for both bride and grooms family no husbands/partners or children. At first I thought brilliant childfree day, DH can have a nice day with DDs, I was honestly looking forward to a nice day with just my parents (other siblings couldn't get childcare). Sibling and I used to be close, then they were struggling being a new parent I took the baby (from previous relationship) every other week end Fri - Mon to give them a break but since having my own children we've drifted apart.

On the day just the 3 of were on one side (Me & parents) and the other side there was siblings, friends, partners their children, extended family and even a recent girlfriend who they hadn't met before. I was stunned and hurt, not only for me, my husband of 16years (who also used to be close with sibling but they've drifted apart also) and my children but also for sibling who couldn't get childcare so missed a siblings wedding. It put a downer on the whole day and we left after the meal.

AIBU for this to be continually upsetting me?, honestly feel so disrespected a friends new girlfriend was more important than my children?. Sibling is VERY unapproachable.

OP posts:

Sapphire387 · 01/04/2023 15:37

I'd honestly just go very low-contact. YANBU.

Crumpleton · 01/04/2023 15:38

What did your sibling that got married have to say when you approached her about it?

Dacadactyl · 01/04/2023 15:40

Is your extended family dysfunctional in some way? I can only imagine that this is it, if your sibling was happy to get married without one if their other siblings in attendance.

Moreorlessmentallystable · 01/04/2023 15:58

It is so wrong when there are double standards for either side of the bride and groom, but sadly it's their wedding and their decision...nothing you can do about it, but it definitely makes you see people in a different light when they act that way...

JacobsCrackersCheeseFogg · 01/04/2023 16:05

Ooh, I'd be pissed off.

Justalittlebitduckling · 01/04/2023 16:25

At some point you will stop being actively upset about it, but it will always be hurtful and IMO this changes your relationship with your sibling.

zingally · 01/04/2023 16:42

Yeah, I'd be a bit pissed off as well.

Moving forward, I'd probably have to make the assumption that the relationship is basically over.

WestendVBroadway · 01/04/2023 16:47

Did you broach the subject with your sibling? This seems pretty odd, and disrespectful, however I can't believe no-one has mentioned anything about it in the past 3 months.

Kittybelle123 · 01/04/2023 16:51

Any chance your sibling is in an abusive relationship? Being controlled their OH? Not looking for excuses as this sounds incredibly hurtful and I'm not surprised you are still reeling from it; but when I was in a controlled relationship I was very much alienated from my family and friends whereas my ex's family and friends were always "beyond" included, IYKWIM.

I hope you can find peace going forwards, it sounds as though you have been a wonderful sibling over the years. Absolutely low contact for now with your head held high. I'm sorry for your hurt

Echobelly · 01/04/2023 16:52

That does sound hurtful - there must be some reason and they must have felt that whatever it was, if they'd told you and parents you might not have come.

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/04/2023 17:31

I would also be v pissed off. Don’t have a problem per se with people limiting numbers and restricting partners and spouses but it has to be consistent.

It sounds like there may be some serious unresolved issues here with your siblings.

Spcd · 01/04/2023 17:41

Kittybelle123 · 01/04/2023 16:51

I hope you can find peace going forwards, it sounds as though you have been a wonderful sibling over the years. Absolutely low contact for now with your head held high. I'm sorry for your hurt

I also wondered if it could be something like this. Do you know who paid for the wedding? Is it possible her husband said they each had to pay for 'their' guests and she has less available funds than him? Or e.g. his parents objected to others being excluded and said they'd pay for their extra family members etc to attend?

It doesn't sound like she's prioritised ransoms/friends from her side which makes me think it's more an issue in her relationship, than it is about her relationship with you and your side of the family.

CleaningOutMyCloset · 01/04/2023 18:14

This does sound very odd, your sibling must have been horrified to only have 3 friends and relatives in attendance whilst the other side had all and sundry. Are you sure this was due to your sibling and not the siblings partner being an arse wipe?

MadMadMadamMim · 01/04/2023 18:19

I'd feel annoyed. But as sibling is described as VERY unapproachable I'd just cool off the relationship from now on and be polite but a bit distant.

They clearly don't feel close to you/DH or your other sibling. Leave 'em to it.

SalmonEile · 01/04/2023 18:53

Is this your siblings second wedding?

Brefugee · 01/04/2023 18:54

you're sibling sounds like a bit of a tone-deaf arse. I'd say what you said in your OP to them and then go LC.

Original poster

EmbarrassedMum1 · 01/04/2023 20:54

If it makes any different sibling is the groom.

I've not approached the situation with them because they're super hot headed and has screamed and shouted at family before so I avoid conflict.
We're not a dysfunctional family, we're not exactly the closest but we all get along when we are together, other siblings were invited but couldn't go due to the childcare issues.

I don't think the relationship is abusive.

As for the cost the Wedding was small, registry office was standard fee not per person, reception was a pub (pub set aside a tucked away corner for the wedding) everyone bought their own food & drinks, so cost was not an issue and there was plenty of physical space for more people.

OP posts:

heldinadream · 01/04/2023 20:59

Sibling screams and shouts at family? That IS dysfunctional OP.

JenniferBarkley · 01/04/2023 21:15

Sibling is making it very clear they don't want a relationship, I don't think you have any choice but to listen

Original poster

EmbarrassedMum1 · 01/04/2023 21:17

heldinadream · 01/04/2023 20:59

Sibling screams and shouts at family? That IS dysfunctional OP.

Yes I suppose your right, although it's something they've done forever but the rest of the family isn't like that.

OP posts:

Hankunamatata · 01/04/2023 21:33

You say drifted apart. How often do u actually speak or have contact?

ImSweetEnoughDarlin · 01/04/2023 21:36

Couldn't your dh have watched your other siblings kid/s?

MargaretThursday · 01/04/2023 21:45

Did the invite actively only invite you or did it say "immediate family only" and you assumed?

There's also room for considering that the other side of the family either just turned up (seen that happen) or made a fuss so eventually they gave in. Of course in the latter case it would have been nice if they'd then gone back to you and said you could too.

Antiquiteas · 01/04/2023 21:48

Well, at least you know where you stand now and can stop bothering with them.

Weallgottachangesometime · 01/04/2023 21:50

When you say drifted apart is there much of a relationship there? Sounds like he maybe isn’t that close to you so didn’t want to invite the whole side of your family. Whereas maybe the bride feels differently about her family.

Given your sibling having a tendnacy to scream and shout and be unapproachable….I wonder if it is even a relationship worth putting effort into anyway.

Flip

1 2